A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And so it is time for the cat to have her say, because as a regal being, she must always have the last word.

6:52 AM. Waking up. Dawn's already happened. Awake too early for this. I already miss the short days of winter.

I'll just have to nap extra hard later on.

6:55 AM. A look outside from the back of the couch. Flying lunches out there pecking away at the grass. Consider yourselves lucky I can't open doors.

7:08 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, that must be her number one priority.

7:12 AM. Feeling impatient. Honestly, staff, I've been awake for a whole twenty minutes and you still haven't come to feed me?

7:19 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff. I was about to launch a search party for you. Now then. Let's get going on my breakfast, shall we?

7:21 AM. Issuing instructions to my staff as she works on my breakfast. Now then, staff, while I enjoy milk and meat, I do not appreciate your continued insistence on serving me field rations as well. Are we clear on that?

7:23 AM. The staff sets down my breakfast. I approve of the tuna and bowl of milk. I do not approve of the bowl of field rations.

Sigh. Honestly, staff, how many times do I have to say it? Do you not understand cat?

Oh well, let's eat.

7:25 AM. Have finished with my breakfast. The milk and meat were welcome. I have ignored the field rations.

7:35 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch staring outside. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that idiot mutt from down the road.

Dumb dog.

7:40 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to that work place she goes to.

Good day, staff. Don't forget to bring some milk on your way home.

7:43 AM. The staff is driving out of the driveway in her car. My car, really, since everything here belongs to me, especially the staff.

Now then, what's on the agenda for today?

8:02 AM. Weather Network is on. They're talking about a pollen alert.

Oh, come on. Can we not go through one season without the word alert?

8:30 AM. Perched on a windowsill overlooking the backyard. Pondering the meaning of life. 

8:35 AM. Movement at the property line, something coming out of the woods.

It's that dumb dog.

8:36 AM. Hissing and howling at the presence of that idiot mutt on my property.

Get lost! No one invited you, and you're invading my personal domain! Get lost, or so help me Cat, I will send a skunk after you!

8:37 AM. After looking at me for a few seconds with a big dumb look on his big dumb face, the annoying hound has turned around and headed back towards the woods.

Don't even think about coming back here!

8:38 AM. The dumb dog has returned into the woods.

That just annoys me to no end.

8:45 AM. Okay. All things being said, I think it's time to settle in for a well earned nap. After all, I've been awake for nearly two hours.

10:58 AM. Waking up from my nap. Slept very well indeed. Dreamed of that idiot mutt getting chased by a dozen skunks.

11:02 AM. An inspection of the kitchen finds that all there is to eat is that bowl of field rations.

What to do, what to do....

11:05 AM. Have eaten some of the field rations. I must sit the staff down for a thorough conversation sometime about this. Perhaps a food dispenser that will issue canned meat on demand would be the order of the day.

12:06 PM. Watching some television. Sports channel for once. They're discussing how the Leafs have to spend the summer planning the next rebuild after blowing it in the playoffs.

Or the team can just stop lying to themselves and admit it's never going to happen, so why even make the effort?

5:28 PM. The staff returns home. Well then, staff, tell me, have you brought milk with you?

6:42 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's having meatballs with potatoes and carrots. She's thoughtfully provided me with a plate of ground beef.

Very good, staff, very good indeed.

11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well.

If you feel something walking all over you at four in the morning, never fear. That's just me.