A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so it is time for the perspective of that most supreme being of all, the cat, who must always have the last word about everything.

7:09 AM. Waking up at home. Big yawn and a stretch. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip.

I love catnip.

7:11 AM. A look outside. It's not quite dawn, but there's enough light to make things out. Flying lunches out on the lawn. I suspect there's frost on the ground. Good thing the staff's turned on the furnace, because otherwise there would be hell to pay...

7:18 AM. Wondering what's taking the staff so long. I've got breakfast at the top of my agenda, after all.

7:19 AM. ...and while we're thinking of breakfast, I should really wake up a half hour earlier, go upstairs, and demand that the staff put a plate in the fridge for optimum enjoyment of my breakfast. There's nothing like having meat on a pre-chilled plate.

7:24 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff. I'll have you know I've been awake for fifteen minutes and you still haven't made my breakfast.

7:25 AM. As the staff goes into the kitchen I remind her of my usual conditions for breakfast- no field rations, don't want 'em. 

She doesn't listen anyway.

7:27 AM. The staff puts my breakfast down on the floor. The plate of chicken and the bowl of milk are approved of.

The bowl of field rations, while not a surprise, are not approved of.

7:29 AM. Finished with my breakfast.

And when I say finished, I mean that I've finished off the meat and the milk. I shall ignore the field rations.

7:31 AM. Leaving the staff to have her breakfast in peace. Sitting on the back of the couch, staring out into the dawning day.

Thinking about various pressing issues. The best time for my first nap of the day. How to persuade the staff to stop pouring me bowls of field rations. World domination.

7:37 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the sound of that idiot mutt from down the road barking his head off. 

Stupid dog.

7:43 AM. The staff is on her way to head out the door and go to that work place. Staff? We're running low on milk. Just putting that out there so you don't forget.

7:45 AM. The staff has left the property in her car. Well, my car, since I own the house and the staff and everything on the property, but I let her use it. 

Particularly since they don't build cars in a way tailored to allow cats to drive.

8:03 AM. Watching the Weather Network. More frosty nights ahead. We are on our way towards winter after all. Most of the leaves have already turned. Note to self, get out there before too soon and play in some of the leaf piles.

8:05 AM. The forecasters are talking about Hurricane Martin forming up in the Gulf.

Martin? They named a hurricane Martin?

8:39 AM. That's enough watching weather prognostication. 

I need a nap. I've been up for a whole hour and a half, and I've earned some sleep.

11:27 AM. Woke up out of a good nap. Slept well. Feeling hungry.

11:28 AM. A check of the kitchen leaves me feeling dismayed. The only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

11:30 AM. After much internal debate, I have decided to eat some of those field rations.

4:41 PM. Waking up from a nap. A glance at the clock. The staff won't be back for awhile yet.

5:35 PM. The staff walks in the front door with some groceries. Well, staff, did you remember the milk?

6:10 PM. Su-purr-vising the staff while she makes dinner. 

6:32 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's made bacon pancakes and has given me a plate of nice bite sized pieces. I approve of this, staff, I do indeed.

7:01 PM. The staff is doing dishes. I'll leave you to that, staff. After all, you don't want me trying to pick up dishes, and I don't feel like getting my paws in hot soapy water.

8:20 PM. Sitting on the couch, pondering the great mysteries of life. Is the red dot a theoretical concept, or can it be empirically proven?

9:07 PM. Inquiring with the staff for a bowl of milk.

11:45 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff. Sleep well. But leave that door open. I reserve the right to walk all over you at four in the morning for absolutely no reason.