Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, March 25, 2019

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog gets first say in everything, because he is so easily distracted.

7:06 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of chasing rabbits.

7:09 AM. A look outside shows that more of the snow seems to be going. Well, spring was inevitable, and after all, melting snow means plenty of spots for a good dog like me to splash around in and all that. Because I am a good dog. A very good dog.

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to come downstairs. So the first day of spring passed us by earlier in the week. Of course that doesn’t count out any additional snow. Because that can still be happening in April. But the days are longer, the birds are making more noise, and you can hear the drip-drip-drip of snow melt all the time. I’m kind of anxious to get out there around it all, but at the same time, my stomach wins out and I know that breakfast is more important. I’d help myself to it, but I lack the opposable thumbs to open doors.

7:19 AM. Wagging my tail furiously as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, how about you and I get started on seeing to my breakfast? And by you and I, of course I mean you.

7:21 AM. Watching the human as she pours a big bowl of kibbles for me. Oh boy oh boy oh boy…

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after I’ve finished devouring my breakfast. Boy, that was good!

7:24 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she’ll let me out for a run. After all, I have a lot of energy to burn off right about now after that filling breakfast.

7:25 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:31 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Happy, happy, happy, happy!

7:43 AM. Pausing in the woods. I have come across what can be best described as… the mother of all mud puddles.

Do I dare jump in?

7:45 AM. Splashing about in the mud, as pleased as I can be. Oh, I know, the human might be annoyed when I turn up all caked with mud, but I’ll cross that road when I come to it. Right now all that matters is rolling around in the mud and being as happy as I can possibly be.

7:53 AM. Giving myself a good shake after I’ve gotten out of the mud puddle. With any luck I can sneak into the house before the human realizes I’m muddy. Then I can shake myself off again.

8:10 AM. Passing by the property where that cranky cat lives. I think I should stop in and say hello. Maybe shake myself off near one of the windows.

8:12 AM. Walking along the property. Dodging piles of snow. Looking up at the house. Say, there’s that cranky cat in one of the windows now. And she doesn’t seem impressed to see me. Hello, cat! Fine day, isn’t it?

8:14 AM. The cat seems quite put out and is busy casting my character into disrepute. Or something like that. I’m not fluent in cat, but she’s hissing a lot, and if I’m not mistaken, casting my good dog status into a bad light. I don’t know why, I really don’t. 

8:15 AM. The cat gives me the middle finger. I sigh and turn around to leave. 


Be that way.

8:28 AM. Chasing a squirrel in the woods, but he gets up a tree. Damn it, the one place I can’t follow. Well, not the only one place. I wouldn’t follow him if he ran into a vet’s office either.

8:43 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human that I have returned.

8:44 AM. My attempt to return inside has been thwarted by the human, who sees how muddy my fur is.

8:47 AM. The human is subjecting me to a bath with the garden hose, which is quite cold still this time of year. Come on, human! I’ve already been in the water. Muddy water, but water nonetheless. If you’d just let me in, I could have dried up natural over a nap and shaken the dry mud off later on.

8:51 AM. The human puts me through the trials of the Towel of Torment.  At least I’ve earned my pending nap.

12:04 PM. Lunch time. The human is kind enough to give me a ham and cheese sandwich. Yum yum yum!

1:32 PM. Giving the mailman a vicious barking at when he dares to turn up at our house and drop off mail. He drives away after putting it in the box. I keep barking. Keep driving, you bastard! You hear me? Keep driving!

6:29 PM. Dinner with the human. While she insists on having her meat with Brussels sprouts- yech!- the human has been kind enough to give me a plate of stewing beef.

8:38 PM. Lying on my back in the living room, pondering the great mysteries. Instead of the Big Bang, is it possible the universe started as the Big Mud Puddle?

11:40 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. I’ll stay on guard down here just in case any squirrels turn up on the outside windowsills in the middle of the night. In which case I shall deliver the most fierce barking of all time.


  1. It is always a pleasure to read it. And funny.

  2. I don't always have mud on my paws.... LOL

  3. Definitely got a couch emergency going there!

  4. Oh not that towel of torment. Thank goodness there's not much mud around here. Cute memes too. Have to get up now. Pinky and Fiona are having breakfast and a walk is imminent. It's 7:40am.

  5. I enjoyed this immensely, a very cute and humorous collection of doggies. Thanks for the smile this morning William :)

  6. As always so many good ones.
    The one where the dogs are talking about training humans is so true !
    sorry I am so late.

    cheers, parsnip


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