Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, August 23, 2021

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

I decided that I'd do another set of these before moving onto other things; I do have a whole lot of them in drafts, after all. Anyway, to start things off, here we have the point of view of the dog, who gets so easily distracted and can't be depended on to just wait his turn.

7:03 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of chasing the mailman until he fell off a cliff. That rates as a good dream.

7:06 AM. A look out the window. Clear conditions today. So much the better. A few of the maple trees starting to turn colour. They always start first. 

7:10 AM. Waiting on the human to come downstairs. After all, breakfast must be seen to, and I lack the opposable thumbs to open cabinets.

7:17 AM. The human comes downstairs. I start furiously thumping my tail against the floor. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it?

7:19 AM. Watching the human pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.....

7:20 AM. The human sets down the bowl. I bolt forward to start my breakfast.

7:21 AM. Licking my chops after breakfast. Got within two seconds of my all time fastest time of finishing breakfast. Today's a good day.

7:24 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run. 

7:26 AM. Out the door and already on the run. See you later, human!

7:41 AM. Running through the back fields like a maniac, as happy as I can be. Life is good.

7:48 AM. Trotting through the woods, sniffing at things. Stopping in my tracks when I see a porcupine ahead on the path. Okay, stay calm. Just don't panic. We've been here before, after all, and I don't feel like getting those quills embedded in my snout. Again.

7:49 AM. Doing my best to communicate to the porcupine that I mean no offense and don't want to make any trouble. Backing up nice and slow before he gets cranky...

7:53 AM. I have successfully managed not to annoy the porcupine and am on my way home. That's enough excitement for one day. The last thing I need is a trip to the vet and that vile fiend laughing as she pulls quills out of my snout.

8:09 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know I'm back. Human! Let me in.

8:14 AM. The human has let me back in. I wag my tail in appreciation.

10:30 AM. The human is having a cup of coffee. I manage to mooch an oatmeal cookie.

12:15 PM. The human's having her lunch. I use the patented sad eyes look to convince her to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:35 PM. Barking my head off as the mailman drops some mail in the mailbox and drives away. Get lost, you monster! Don't ever come back here again!

3:02 PM. The human has herself some tea. I convince her to give me another of those oatmeal cookies.

4:28 PM. Out on the back porch, watching birds pecking around in the grass. You wonder what birds think when they see a dog. They seem to fly away anytime I approach, and I don't mean them any harm.

I only mean harm to that rotten squirrel, the mailman, the vet, and the town mayor.

5:38 PM. The human appears to be getting dinner started. Good. Dinner is my favourite meal of the day. Along with breakfast, lunch, and snacks in a four way tie.

6:48 PM. The human is having her dinner. She's made some meatloaf and cut up a bunch on a plate for me. She insists on having hers with cauliflower. Well, whatever, I'll enjoy it just by itself.

7:29 PM. The human is finished with the dishes and coming into the living room to read. Okay, that's good, but I'm not giving up my spot on the couch.

8:17 PM. Pondering the great mysteries of existence. Did the chicken cross the road for no reason at all, or was there a nefarious motivation?

9:50 PM. Getting spoiled by belly rubs.

11:28 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. I'll maintain my usual guard dog duties through the night. Even if that means barking at the wind in the middle of the night for no reason at all.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.