Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once more for the point of view of the dog and cat. Starting as always, the hound has the first word...

7:22 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of melting snow and splashing around in the creek.

7:24 AM. Looking out the window. Hmmm, it’s still snowing. I could have sworn the calendar said we were in spring. So why isn’t it spring? This is one of those perplexing things that always confuse me about calendars and the tracking of time.

7:27 AM. Watching the birds out in the snow. One of them is quite vocal. Almost as if they’re saying to the others, “I told you we should have waited until next week.”

7:29 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Tell me, do you have any idea why it’s still snowing out there? The robins are out on the lawn looking quite annoyed.

7:33 AM. The human has provided me with breakfast. A big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yummy!

7:34 AM. Having had wolfed down the kibbles in just under five seconds shy of my all time fastest time, I am now content to plan the rest of the day. Human? I think it’s time for a good run. Would you be kind enough to open the door?

7:36 AM. Out the back door for my run. See you later, human!

7:37 AM. The birds are all scattering to the trees as I pass through. Hello, birds!

7:40 AM. Barking up at the sky. Didn’t Mother Nature get the memo about spring?

7:47 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. It occurs to me that all this barking might well mean that any efforts I make at being stealthy get cancelled out.

7:52 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

7:54 AM. Spike and I compare notes on the movements of the enemy. We agree that the squirrels seem quite impatient for spring to get underway. They’ve been launching successive raids on the bird feeders lately, which have left the birds annoyed. Yes, well, they must be up to something. I mean, they can’t be eating all those seeds, can they? They’d be putting on way too much weight, and they’d be slow enough for us to catch them. The miserable devious bastards... oh, how I want to catch one!

7:57 AM. Spike and I confer on how long spring seems to be taking to establish itself. Spike reminds me that since we are in Canada, spring tends to take its sweet time, and that we can expect snow into May. 

8:02 AM. I part ways with Spike, who says he’ll give me the heads up when the mailman arrives at his place this afternoon. With, of course, the proviso that he can’t guarantee he’ll be outside at the time. Hey, Spike, I know. Sometimes our humans keep us indoors, even though they don’t understand our duties as dogs include standing sentinel against the pure evil that are mailmen.

8:20 AM. Passing by the property where that cranky cat lives. I wonder if she’s impatient for spring. Should I go ask?

8:23 AM. Walking up towards the house. I have just spotted the cranky cat in a ground floor window. She has not yet seen me. Should I bark? Should I chase my tail? Should I leave while the going’s good? Because that last one would probably be the wise thing to do. Well, I’ve always tended to lean towards doing the foolish and impulsive thing...

8:24 AM. Barking loudly. The cat jolts upright, turns, and sees me from behind the glass. I wag my tail to show my friendly dispositions and good intentions. Well, as long as you ignore the fact that I barked at her. That probably wasn’t good intentions.

8:25 AM. The cranky cat is spewing a torrent of curse words and hisses and implications about my status as a dog. Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t like me. I don’t know why, I mean, what have I ever done to you, aside from bark at you out of a slumber a few times, or that time I chased you up a tree? Man, those were good times...

8:26 AM. Discretion being the better part of valour, I withdraw my presence from the property and take my leave. The cat continues to hiss at me as I go.

8:41 AM. I have returned home. The human is out doing some chores around the barn. I walk up and wag my tail in greetings. Human, tell me, is there any way to explain the mysterious world view of a cat? Because to be perfectly honest, between you and me, I’m stumped.

10:52 AM. Back in the house after finishing supervising the human and her chores. The human is applying that Towel of Torment to my fur for some reason. Wet dog? What’s wrong with the smell of a wet dog? I swear, human, there are times I find you perplexing.

1:31 PM. Waking up out of a nap. Glancing at the clock. Wait a minute... I missed the chance to mooch at lunch! How’d the human get past me like that? And it’s got to be close to the time the mailman drops off the mail.

1:33 PM. Insisting to the human that I need to be let out. Human! It is my obligation as a dog to bark up a storm at that mailman!

1:34 PM. Racing out the front door to confront my hated enemy. Only to stop dead in my tracks as I see his car driving away down the road. He dropped off the mail... and I wasn’t here to give him a piece of my mind! Dammit, human, you were supposed to wake me up!

6:29 PM. Dinner with the human. Bacon pancakes are at least some compensation for this day. Missing the chance to yell at that mailman has kept me quite cranky all day.

11:40 PM. The human is off to bed after seeing the news. More snow coming in, or so they say. Well, good night, human. Sleep well. Maybe in the morning we’ll be surprised, the weather forecasts will be completely wrong, and the snow will have finally stopped. Then again, maybe not. Spring must have hit the snooze button this year. 


  1. I keep telling everyone Scotties are the cats of the dog world.

    cheers, parsnip

  2. LOL Organized crime and wiener dog lake!

  3. Okay, so I feel like that when I flip the pillow to the cool side, but I damn sure hope I don't look like THAT! lol

  4. I am distinctly hoping the snow is officially done here. Though being Montana, it'll probably randomly show up in June or something.

  5. @Parsnip: they can get away with a lot!

    @Lynn: they're cute ballerinas!

    @Kelly: I wonder what ballet fans would think!

    @Diane: one of life's simple pleasures: the cool side of the pillow.

    @Meradeth: we've had recorded snow here in every month but July.

  6. I understand his longing for spring. The cold, biting wind returned today.

  7. Can't blame the cat for being cranky with weather like that!

  8. Love the dog forgetting why he's barking. My girls do it all the time.

  9. LOL! These are hilarious, William! Thanks so much for sharing. :)

  10. Walking the dog is the best! Also the one about going to the vet. I asked our kitties about getting a dog. Cleo said she saw nothing wrong with the stuffed Golden on our bed so why bother. Cassie just growled. Have you ever heard a cat growl?

  11. I just love these! "The light's grey." hahahahaha!

  12. @Mari: and we've had snow!

    @Eve: the cat's not fond of this hound!

    @Karla: dogs will do that!

    @Linda: you're welcome!

    @Lowell: I have!

    @Petrea: thanks!

  13. I can especially relate to that first dog!


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