Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, February 22, 2016

Flyer Spam: Douchebag Of The Year

We’ve gotten ourselves so used to internet spam turning up in our junk email, along with the toxic waste dump that are internet scammers. They are a bane to our existence in more ways than one, and we wish we could find a way to rid the earth of them forever. Every once in awhile they do things the old fashioned way.

A week ago yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I left home in the morning to run errands- namely to do my laundry. The walk out to the laundromat takes ten minutes through what is at any time of the day a quiet neighbourhood. Passing some of the hydro poles along the way, one might see notices for lost pets, a neighbourhood event, or flyers offering snow shovelling services. This particular day, however, on numerous poles along that street and others through my neighbourhood, there was an addition. I photographed three of them, and here they are.

The guy must have done this the night before. I walk these streets daily, after all, and I probably would have noticed had they been there the previous day. I shook my head when I saw the other, then the next. By the third poster, I was muttering a few choice words. Narcissistic douchebag came to mind.

Seriously, what kind of guy posts these? Advertising himself as a Valentine’s date, calling himself a “certified dream boat”. Humble and stacked? A guy who “smokes darts and breaks hearts”? Having photos of himself that can only be described as classic douchebag sleazeball poses? I mean, seriously, Case, covering your crotch with twenties? That’s a real dirtbag play on your part.

He’s trying to pass himself off as a real catch in these shots. No doubt all those twenties just represent his rent money for the month and after his little photo shoot they have to go right back in the bank lest his cheque bounce. No doubt the boat is a rental.

Sorry, Case, I hate to burst your bubble and all (actually, no I don’t, because dirtbags such as yourself don’t deserve any consideration or punches pulled), but no, you’re not a “certified dream boat”. Because only a self absorbed narcissistic twit would call himself that in the first place. Only someone so bloody well in love with themselves would even consider it.

What you are is a disgrace to my half of the species, a desperate for female attention troll who thinks that putting up however many flyers on hydro poles and under car windshield wipers right before Valentine’s Day, advertising himself as a great date, is a wonderful idea. What you are, O Inept One, is a basement dwelling misogynistic dog (and I’ve just insulted canines by saying that, because four legged dogs are far better beings than you) who thinks that women will just gravitate to you when they see these.

Not likely. They’re a lot more likely to run as far away from sleazeballs like you as fast as they can.

Seriously, man, if you’re going to go through with this sort of thing, why not post it online in the personals section of Craigslist? Maybe there you’ll get lucky.

Of course, you might also contract yourself a case of syphilis or herpes while you’re at it. In your case, that would be a good thing. A “certified dream boat” spending the rest of his life living down an STD would be hilarious, wouldn’t it? Well, for us, Case, not for you.

It’s not too hard to expect that Case didn’t end up being a Valentine’s date for anyone. Since he’s so in love with himself, that’s as much romantic attention as he got. I imagine Case would be a good candidate as an early nominee for Douchebag of the Year. Certainly he takes the title locally speaking, and that’s saying something, considering this is a city full of politicians.


  1. Oh be still my beating heart !

    cheers, parsnip

  2. I wonder if they ever got any takers?

    It would be like accepting a date via Craigslist....

  3. Um, wow. Who would posts those things? People are crazy.

  4. Those are probably photos taken by a scorned ex who thought it would be funny to characterize the person as a douche. :D

    Girls can be quite vengeful, especially if her BF broke up with her just before valentines day. lol

  5. @Parsnip: indeed!

    @Norma: ughh!

    @Auden: for the terminally desperate!

    @Kelly: people can be really crazy at times.

    @Diane: that's an angle I hadn't thought of.

  6. So this was the guy you were talking about last week. I have to say, I'm not disappointed in the level of his stupidity. I'm betting every woman who saw that ran away screaming.

  7. My first thought was that this had to be some kind of joke. A scorned ex, or a roommate with a horrible sense of humor. But if not, wow, I hope he keeps his genes out of the pool.

  8. The guy deserves whoever is lacking in intelligence and calls him. Of course, it could be either sex since he didn't specify.

  9. I think you have pinpointed another of the banes of our existence. People everywhere seem to have lost all common sense, any sense of propriety, and will literally sell their souls for 15 minutes of fame. This guy fits neatly into that category.

  10. Funny! He probably took a course that advised advertising your product!

  11. Yeah. My guess is he had a date with his own hand that day/night. Good one, William. Glad I live a distance from that slime ball. But there are just as many in my neck of the woods too. Unfortunately.

  12. I knew a guy like this once. Full of himself and lots of kaka. Nothing that came out of his mouth was true.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.