Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, April 27, 2013

A Tale Of Two Grouches

It Was The Grouchiest Of Times, It Was The Grumpiest Of Times
Edmonton (CP).  A cat lover’s convention in the capital of Alberta saw an unlikely meeting of two grouches this weekend. Tardar Sauce, the famously sour looking cat that has caught the adoration of millions across the internet with her frown and an endless series of memes, was appearing at the convention with her staff at her beck and call. The cat has become beloved for the characteristic grumpy expression she seems to always have, though her staff remarked to reporters that Tardar Sauce is in fact quite affectionate. Tabatha Bundesen, who is responsible for fulfilling Tardar Sauce and her brother Pokey’s every whim and wish, recently had Tardar Sauce up at the SXSW festival, and this time, the famous grumpy cat turned up at the Divinity of Cats weekend convention and seminar series.
Tardar Sauce was the object of much attention throughout, and true to form, seemed to roll her eyes at the reporters and members of the public. Her sullen expression never seemed to change, as if, in this reporter’s opinion, she was thinking, “I hate every single one of you, and I hope you die.” Perhaps this reporter has been looking at one too many Grumpy Cat memes.
Unfortunately, members of Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight somehow got word of the convention, and turned up. They found their way to Tardar Sauce, who was in the midst of being cooed over by members of the public, folks remarking on just how cute she is in person. “Grumpy Cat!” one barked, an overly cheerful reporter new to the Entertainment Tonight team. “Dusty Jones, Entertainment Tonight. Just want to say what a privilege it is to talk to you today, and ask a big question. Are you in any way related to Jeremy Renner?”

Tardar Sauce stared at the reporter, as if sizing him up as a potential alternative to a mouse. She glared at him in a way that would make someone of greater intelligence decide to back off and walk away.
However, entertainment reporters are not known for intelligence. Jones pressed on. “Any chance you’ll co-star with Will Smith’s kids in a remake of Sabrina The Teenage Witch? Word has it Will and Jada want Jaden and Willow to star in a remake....”
Tardar Sauce rolled her eyes. If this reporter could see into the mind of a superior being like a cat, he would have to conclude the cat was thinking of having Jones taken out by a hit-cat.
Suddenly there was a stir in the crowd. Legendary RCMP Inspector Lars Ulrich, who had recently foiled a plot to steal Nutella in Germany, was back in Canada, and walking through the convention. This surprised reporters; none of us knew he liked cats. He was in uniform though, and he might well have been passing through on business.
Later, serious reporters discovered he was in the city to meet with superiors, and was merely passing through the conference centre on his way out. That didn’t stop the entertainment reporters from calling out his name. “Lars! Lars! How about a pic with the world’s most famous grumpy cat?”

Inspector Ulrich found himself seemingly pushed by a crowd towards the area where Tardar Sauce was sitting in her basket... and where the entertainment reporters were waiting. Flashbulbs went off as the Inspector in his working uniform stood near the cat. Both grouches looked at each other... and it was as if two like minds met. They looked back at the reporters with the same expression of sheer disdain.
“Lars! Lars!” Jones bellowed. “Tell me, now that you’re here, is there any chance that Metallica would like to have Grumpy Cat appear in a video?”
Ulrich sighed, rolling his eyes. “First of all... why would anyone subject a cat to the awful screeching noise of heavy metal? They have delicate ears, after all.” He fixed his glare, a terrible and vengeful look in the expression, squarely on Jones. “And second.... I am not that Lars Ulrich, you bloody nitwit!”
Jones stared at the Inspector. “Really? Because the information I have...”
Jones never got to finish his sentence. The Inspector decked him squarely across the jaw, sending him falling. He gave the crew from Access Hollywood and Jones’ own crew a good glare, and the look in his eyes was enough to send them fleeing through the crowd.
Then the most astonishing thing happened. Tardar Sauce rose from her basket, just within reach of the Inspector, rubbed her head against his arm, and started purring. Bundesen was flabbergasted. “She’s never done that with someone she just met.”
Ulrich looked down at the cat and shrugged. “Next time you can claw their faces.”


  1. Okay, where did you get Tardar Sauce's mug shot?

    Didn't I tell you Grumpy Cat would be the purrrrfect pet for Lars?

  2. I love your grumpy cat. Must come back and visit him again.

  3. William, I can always count on your making me laugh. :)

  4. Awesome Lars and Grumpy Cat together in one blog!

  5. Deck 'em all of them Lars !

    cheers, parsnip

  6. My goodness! Jeremy Renner and Grumpy Cat DO look alike!

    And Lars...Lars, Lars...Of course Grumpy Cat loves Lars. Lars just does what Grumpy Cat would like to do!

  7. Loved it! Grumpy Cat always makes a statement.

  8. Whatever! Cats bug me, and my Precious is speaking to me from the pet cemetery. She wants to come home!!!

    No, I will not give you the photo. lol

  9. OMG! Loved this and the pics with all the captions.

    Prayers, hugs, and chocolate,

  10. Lars and Grumpy Cat ... inspired! They would make a great team!

  11. Awwwww Tardar Sauce loves Mr Ulrich!! Yay!! Take care

  12. I am still flabbergasted that their is a creature running around with that face. The fact that it has a 'like' mind with Lars, well I guess it was bound to happen.

  13. Haha! Loved your grumpy cat! Thanks William!

  14. William, can you image the scene if your grumpy cat met my grumpy galah (bird) haha!

  15. I laughed through the whole post! Thanks for such fun entertainment, William;).

  16. Oh my, those are some rather grumpy faces you published there... need some smiling faces to balance out ;-)

  17. LOL, I can't get over that face! Now that is a grumpy face I wouldn't mind seeing daily:) (Brilliant pairing with Jeremy Renner, btw!)

  18. Okay, I totally busted up at the Jeremy Renner pic. Never noticed the resemblance, but, wow! :)

    Love the grumpy cat!

  19. Scary how much Jeremy Renner looks like Grumpy Cat!

  20. I LOVE Grumpy Cat (and am always happy to read about him) but Who the hell is Lars?

  21. @Norma: they are perfectly grumpy together, aren't they?

    @Tea Norman: Grumpy Cat might look grumpy, but she's adorable nonetheless.

    @Kelly: thank you.

    @Deb: quite a pair, huh?

    @Parsnip: they have it coming.

    @Cheryl: I wonder if Jeremy's been told that...

    @Lorelei: thank you.

    @Mari: and it's a grouchy statement.

    @Diane: now you must show us the picture...

    @Shelly: thank you.

  22. @Karla: quite a team indeed.

    @Old Kitty: she knows a good Mountie when she sees one.

    @Eve: and she has such a cute face!

    @Nas: you're welcome.

    @Grace: there'd be fireworks.

    @Maria: you're most welcome.

  23. @Angelika: Tardar Sauce is much happier frowning.

    @LondonLulu: they're seperated at birth...

    @Meradeth: I can't tell which of them is which....

    @Susan: it is scary.

    @Cheryl: Lars is a creation of my own, a cranky Mountie who happens to share the same name as the drummer from Metallica. I've been using him for years.

  24. For your utterly welcoming attitude and support throughout my A-Z Challenge blogging I found myself thinking, who better to nominate for a Very Inspiring blogger award than Mr. William.
    So thank you and you have the choice of accepting this award or just spend your day smiling because you inspired at least one blogger!

  25. This is a hilarious post -- and I LOVE the photos!


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.