A Day In The Life Of A Cat

7:10 AM. Awakened before I would prefer. Alarm clock going off. The staff is stirring.

Why did I come up here last night again? I would have been much more comfortable somewhere that didn't include alarm clocks.

7:25 AM. The staff is going about her morning routine. I'll never get back to sleep now. I might as well go downstairs and await breakfast. Which I expect should consist of something better than field rations.

7:30 AM. A look outside. It's pouring out there. A real tempest. Looks like an all day kind of rain too.

I detest rain.

A good day to stay in and do nothing at all...

7:40 AM. Oh, hello, staff. Have you had a look outside? It's the sort of day you expect Noah's Ark to drift pass. I see you're dressed for that place you call "work." Does that mean I'm all by my lonesome all day? You really need to figure out a way to work from home.

Now, I want some breakfast. See to it.

7:45 AM. The staff has given me field rations. Again!

I must fix a disapproving glare at her. It's the least of what she deserves.

7:50 AM. After much reluctance, I eat a bit of the kibbles, and leave the kitchen with an air of disdain.

8:05 AM. Staff heading out front door. Bring back something tasty for me, staff. And you might want to take an umbrella. Or a boat.

8:50 AM. Hearing distant barking through the rain. Sounds like that annoying mutt down the road. Oh, sure, it would figure that he'd be out in the rain. He's an idiot, after all.

9:10 AM. Feeling sleepy. Might take a nap.

11:25 AM. Waking up. Nice long nap. Made up for how rudely my slumber was interrupted by that alarm clock this morning. Feeling peckish.

11:26 AM. Oh, right. All that's in my bowl are field rations.

Reluctantly eating a few more.

12:10 PM. Sitting watching the news. The weather forecasts call for yet more rain, followed by rain, thunderstorms, and more rain. Chance of hail. Oh, lovely. Well, at least I'm not out in it.

12:35 PM. Feeling like scratching awhile at the scratching post.

12:36 PM. My scratches have unleashed residual scents of catnip in the scratching post. I am therefore obliged to go absolutely crazy for at least twenty minutes. I can't help it... catnip does this to all of us...

1:15 PM. Ah, coming down from catnip insanity time. Thoroughly worn out. Will take nap.

3:10 PM. Waking up. It's still raining out there? And lightning too?

3:15 PM. Sitting on front windowsill, staring out at the rain. Spotting movement in front yard. It's that infested rodent, the squirrel. He sees me. He's coming up onto the outside windowsill, right across the glass from me...

I must pace back and forth, growling in fury. It's to be expected.

3:17 PM. The squirrel is laughing at me, teasing me about the fact that I can't get out.

Yes, well, think of this, you insufferable little twit. You see, I'm inside, where it's nice and warm. On the other hand, you're out there, getting drenched by rain. Therefore, to borrow an appropriate phrase...

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!!

3:20 PM. The squirrel goes away, looking decidedly annoyed. And soaked to the bone.

4:35 PM. I could be wrong, but the rain might be letting up. Here I was expecting to see ground hogs building their own arks.

5:25 PM. Where is that staff of mine? I'm bored out of my mind, and expecting something that will make up for this morning's field rations.

If she's not back by six, I'm shredding a cashmere sweater.

5:55 PM. The staff walks in through the front door, looking decidedly the worst for wear. It's about time, staff. I was just thinking of which sweater I wanted to shred. I have no idea why you went out in that... it's the kind of weather you can catch your death of cold from. And I doubt I want to be playing nursemaid while you're in bed for a week with a fever.

6:25 PM. The staff is back downstairs, getting dinner ready. I spend time rubbing my head against her legs and purring while she's at the counter. It's a good way to get what I want.

6:35 PM. Staff sets down a bowl of milk, followed by a plate of meat strips. Is this... it is! It's sirloin steak!

Staff, I completely take back any impulse I might have felt about shredding sweaters.

6:45 PM. Finished eating dinner. Purring with contentment. Unlike a dog, I am entirely capable of taking my time eating. The steak tastes delicious. Not sure why the staff feels the need to add steak sauce to hers, but to each their own.

7:35 PM. Staff finished with dinner. We sit down to watch a movie. For some reason, she picks The Day After Tomorrow. Staff, did you not see enough rain today? Oh well... to each their own. And besides, when Dennis Quaid smiles, he reminds me of a cat, so he's acceptable.

10:55 PM. Staff getting ready to head upstairs for the night. I'll stay down here for the night. Tomorrow's another work day for you, and I don't like that alarm clock one bit. Any device that interrupts a perfectly good dream about chasing mice is an infernal device indeed.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:40 AM. Waking up. Good long stretch. Slept very well. Dreamed of chasing that infuriating squirrel. This time I got him. Needless to say, Dream Squirrel got what he deserved. Now, how do I apply that to real world settings?

7:45 AM. The human is stirring upstairs. Hmmm, it's raining. Oh, good! I love running through a downpour!

8:10 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Have you seen all the rain yet today? Isn't it spectacular? Human, how about you let me outside to run for awhile? Oh, wait... after breakfast. I need lots of energy, so an extra scoop of kibbles will be just wonderful for you to give me.

8:12 AM. As always, I must wolf down the entire bowl of kibbles inside of thirty seconds. Yum yum yum!!!

8:15 AM. Whining at backdoor. Human opens it, saying something about an appointment. Not really hearing her, seeing as how I'm bolting out the backdoor. Human, you can tell me when I get back.

8:35 AM. Is there anything as fun as sprinting around the back fields of the farm through a downpour? I think not!

8:50 AM. Stopping in tracks to briefly bark at a drenched, cranky groundhog.

8:52 AM. Back in motion. Groundhogs are silly creatures, after all.

9:05 AM. Running through the rain, barking my head off. Why can't every critter enjoy themselves like this? Funny... one never sees cats out in this kind of weather.

I wonder why...

9:40 AM. Time to head back for home. The human should be having her morning tea soon, and if I play my cards right, I might be able to score a treat by mooching.

9:55 AM. Approaching house. This is odd... where's the car?

10:05 AM. Have made thorough search of grounds around the house. No trace of the car. Did the human go for a drive without inviting me?

What was that she said about an appointment again?

11:15 AM. Sticking near house on deck. Thoroughly drenched. Thunder and lightning. Even I know it's not a good idea to go running around in that kind of weather.

I hope the human brings back burgers.

11:50 AM. Wagging my tail! The human is home! Hi, human! Where did you go?

11:51 AM. The human seems to be disapproving of how wet I am. Well, human, that's okay, just let me into the house, start up a fire in the fireplace, and I'll lie down and dry up naturally.

11:52 AM. The human unlocks the door and lets me in. She calls out, but I'm already shaking water out of my fur.

11:55 AM. Being subjected to the ordeal of the Towel of Torment by the human. This would go much easier if you just let me dry off naturally. Oh, don't go on and on about wet dog smell. It isn't that bad.

12:15 PM. Reasonably dry. Human having lunch. Employing sad eyes trick. Say, you didn't by chance bring a burger home for me, did you?

12:16 PM. She did! She did! Oh, burgers are so tasty! Even if they're getting cold! And is this bacon on it too? Even better!

Yum yum yum!

 

3:10 PM. Waking up from nap. Still thundering out there. I remember something once said to me by my local sage and guide in the dog world. Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, noted that some dogs get really high strung about lightning. It's a bit of a mystery as to why.

Makes me wonder what it does to a cat.

3:25 PM. Manage to mooch a scone from the human, who's having afternoon tea. Thanks, human, you're a real pal.

4:35 PM. Looking outside. Rain seems to finally be letting up. Catching sight of movement... is that...? It is! It's that annoying squirrel!!!

4:36 PM. Human! Human! Listen to the tone of my barking! You must let me out! I've got a chance to get that annoying squirrel once and for all! Let me out!

4:37 PM. Rats. The human refused to let me out. The annoying squirrel is just sitting out there on the deck, staring at me and laughing.

One day, squirrel, one day...

7:10 PM. Human having dinner. I manage to use my classic sad eyes expression to convince her to let me have a few strips of beef. Yum yum yum!!!

11:35 PM. Human heading off to bed. Good night, human. Pleasant dreams.

I'll stay here for awhile... and dream of finally getting my paws on that annoying little squirrel.

When that day comes, vengeance shall be mine...

As Time Goes By

It has been awhile since last I've done this. Maybe it's time to get back into the thick of it. Before I get to that, however, a few items of business to see to.

The recent tornadoes in the American Mid-West, particularly in Moore, Oklahoma, gave some of us an idea on how to help. My fellow instigators of mischief Norma Beishir, Shelly Arkon, and myself have a page over at Facebook, Authors For Oklahoma. We've assembled donations of books and ebooks from a wide variety of authors, and are just about done with that process. We'll be organizing gift baskets of the books and ebooks for raffling off, with all proceeds headed to the American Red Cross. And on the page we have links for the Red Cross, and for other charitable endeavours in the area assisting those affected by the tornadoes. If you haven't already heard about it, drop by the page, like it, and keep up to date with us. We'll let you know when we're ready for the book raffles.

Second, my good friend and co-conspirator Norma has one of her ebooks available for free for today and tomorrow at Smashwords. Final Hours  can be yours by using the coupon code QC75P. Head on over there and get hold of a copy.

And third, Shelly will be releasing a short story in July called The Partner's Progeny. I've already read it, and it's a good one. Check out my review for Secondhand Shoes, her novel, by clicking on her name below. Her cover is making the rounds in the last couple of days, and it's done by Collin Beishir, whose graphic design work is outstanding. Here's a little about the story:

Bullies rule … or do they?

For seventeen years, Victoria Sheek has been a paralegal surpervisor at the Law Offices of Pereene, Carr, and Sevino, specializing in injury law. Rumors portray her as a bully. She remains confident that her position will never cease because of close relations to one of the founding partners, Mr. Carr.

Until Mr. Pereene, the head partner, hires Monica Bowman. Smitten with her because of her resemblance to his deceases granddaughter, Melissa, and his memories of her, she can do no wrong.

Which one of the two girls will keep their position at the firm? It takes an unexpected event to decide the outcome of their rivalry….

Now then, with business at an end, I'm slowly getting back into the proverbial swing of things. The last few weeks have been difficult, since the death of my mother, and I would like to thank you all for your kind words and support. It's been a painful and difficult period, and I know it's a long road ahead. In time, it'll be something I can live with. I miss her a lot, but such is life. All I can do is keep moving forward.

The support I've gotten from friends both here and in my life have helped tremendously. Thank you.