Cheating Cheaters And Coldplay

 

Fallout Continues From Affair Exposed During Coldplay Concert; Man Refuses To Accept Responsibility

Boston (AP) Weeks after a Coldplay concert launched a thousand memes, the aftermath continues to resonate. Former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and his HR side piece Kristin Cabot were caught cuddling on a jumbotron at a concert by the band in Boston, despite both being in other relationships. Both have lost their jobs, their relationships, and their dignity. 

It started with the pair reacting badly to realizing that they were on a jumbotron having an intimate interlude, and reacting by trying to hide. This was followed by Chris Martin, the band's lead singer, joking that they must be having an affair.

Their spouses have declared war, hired lawyers, and in short order have taken steps to end the marriages. Byron was swiftly removed from his position, with Cabot following shortly after, both humiliated by the storm of memes that followed. And there were many, inspired by their ludicrous reactions to being caught on screen. Many have said that if they hadn't reacted the way they did, no one would be wiser to it.

Byron has been criticized for public statements that appear to show him being out of touch and refusing to take responsibility for his own failings. He has lashed out at the band for putting him in that situation, and has mused about suing them for distress. Lawyers have said a collective "good luck" to that.

As noted, memes have been launched, with the world finding the entire matter amusing. Re-enactments on jumbotron screens with unlikely pairings and exaggerated overplay of their behaviour have been the rule of the day. Coldplay themselves welcome the attention being sent their way. Now even Hollywood is getting in on the action. A project was announced this week through the Hallmark Channel. Alison Bennett, part of the creative team for the network, released this statement on the company website. "We are entering production for a new film inspired by the moment. Our heroine is a wronged wife who takes her ex-husband to the cleaners and wipes him out financially after he and his mistress are caught in their affair during a concert. She decides to go back to her home town, where she meets the local sheriff, who's a gruff charmer, and she spends the rest of the film falling in love with him, saving her dad's bakery, and learning the value of a more quiet life."

Isn't that the plot of every Hallmark movie? And with pretty much the same rotating list of actors?

And the bigger studios are getting in on the action too. Michael Bay, the director of such explosion prone films like Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, is rushing into production a thriller inspired by the story. "It's kind of based on the whole story, but really takes things in its own direction," Bay said in a Zoom meeting with reporters. "My villain is a disgraced former CEO of a tech company who got caught cheating on his wife with someone in his company, and who loses everything. His job, his home, his money, his reputation, everything. And he decides to take it out on the band who he blames for it, and goes after Aerosmith at a concert, with bombs. And only one smart aleck bomb disposal expert with the New York Police Department can save the day. Sounds great, huh?"

There's even another version being brought forward by the studios. Paramount has greenlit a romantic comedy, switching out names of the key players and having a bit more dramatic license than the real events. Richard Gere has already signed up as the disgraced CEO, with Julianne Moore as his lover and HR specialist. Julia Roberts will be cast as the wronged wife, who enlists the aid of a laid back lawyer to even the score and take her ex to the cleaners. He'll be played by George Clooney, winking at the camera and wooing his client while representing her. The film already has a working title: Coldplayed. 

The choice of director for the film is an unusual one, as he's mostly been known for character dramas, and more recently for insightful documentaries. Werner Herzog, director of Grizzly Man and Cave Of Forgotten Dreams, agreed to the film without reservation. "I've never done a comedy, and to be honest, when I first heard this story, I fell about laughing. So why not poke the bear and go ahead and do it?"

Time will tell about all three projects. In the meantime, humiliation remains the order of the day for the unlucky couple, who aren't saying much of anything. They're too busy doing damage control- and in the case of Byron, doing it badly.

Into The Depths Of The Earth

For most people, the idea of caves trigger one of three reactions. For those who have problems with claustrophobia, the reaction is anxiety or downright fear. For those with a complete lack of imagination and wonder, the reaction is oh, who cares about that? For those of us with imagination, the reaction is curiousity, the yearning to see what's down there.

My caving experience is rather limited; I've never been to any of the big ones. I have vague memories of visiting a tourist trap called the Lost Sea on the way to Florida as a child. Growing up near the Niagara Escarpment, I was used to the caves and crevices that criss cross that particular natural feature. Here in the Ottawa Valley, the Bonnechere Caves are within reach, and I've visited them. Still, I've always been curious about the big ones, about seeing the grandeur of great hidden places hidden away in the earth.

The Chauvet Cave, first discovered in 1994, is a priceless treasure of human culture. Some thirty thousand years ago, the cave was being used by humans, who painted imagery on its walls. Almost exclusively animals, of course, with the odd exception, added on over millenia. Then the cave entrance was buried in a landslide, perhaps twenty five thousand years ago, and its secrets were lost to the outside world.

The cave was sealed off by the French government after the discovery; they were eager to preserve the paintings. Humidity and sweat brought in by people tends to have an effect on such works, so a strict protocol was drawn up to ensure the paintings would remain safely in place. As such, very few people have the chance to see the images with their own eyes.

At least, that is, until now. Filmmaker Werner Herzog was granted permission to film inside the caves, to document the place for posterity, and the result is the extraordinary Cave of Forgotten Dreams. The film made its debut last year at the Toronto International Film Festival, and has been lately circulating in general release, as a 3D release. I got a chance to see it, intrigued by the opportunity. Caves as part of movies are a bit of a hit and miss proposition; in terms of feature films, the horrific is usually given prominence over the grandeur, and so we get rephrensibly bad films such as Sanctum. In the case of documentaries, on the other hand, caves are an ideal subject, such as in the IMAX film Journey Into Amazing Caves.

Herzog is the ideal director for this kind of project. He's something of an eccentric storyteller (in a good way). His feature films include Fitzcarraldo, Invincible, and Rescue Dawn, while he's also gone into documentary territory before, with Grizzly Man, the story of a mentally unhinged man who met his end at the claws of an Alaskan bear.

Herzog and his crew were allowed time-limited access into the cave each day, filming the images and the interior of the cave in the 3D format. He's on the record as disliking 3D (unlike the current crop of studios who think it's the greatest thing ever), but in this case, he felt it appropriate. And I agree with him. I hate the format, but in this film, it works. I think Herzog's style helps immeasurably. He takes his time with the camera, slowly and carefully, and the paintings seem to take on a life of their own, emerging from the walls. It's not at all like a typical 3D film where the special effects are lunging out at you, making you nauseous or giving you a headache. In this case, the technology has the effect of drawing us into the cave.

Herzog narrates the film, and appears as himself; he's a likeable, gruff presence, a man who's gifted with innate curiousity. His small crew and relatively minimal lighting having the unusual effect of creating a similar effect that the people who once lived here must have felt. The lighting almost feels like torchlight, so we're seeing the images in a very similar manner as they saw them.

Throughout the cave, we feel their presence, these people who once lived here thousands of years in the past. It might be in the form of a footprint, or handprints still lingering on the walls. The art they left behind is striking and vivid, depictions of horses, bears, lions, rhinos, mammoths, and more. I found myself wondering about these people, long lost through the mists of time, feeling a connection to them that spanned the millennia.

The film drew me completely in. It's an astonishing achievement, giving us a view of a place most of us will never be able to see with our own eyes, and making us feel like we're right there with Herzog and the crew. It gives us a glimpse into the past, into times before recorded history, and gives us a chance to connect with distant ancestors through what they left behind. It's a profound, strangely beautiful record of a mysterious place. If you have a chance to see this film in the theatres, do so. You'll find yourself captivated.

Unless, of course, you're claustrophobic. Then you might have a problem.