Criminals, Detectives, And French Jewels

 

Hunt Continues For Missing Jewels After Brazen Theft From The Louvre

Paris (Reuters) The strange case of the Louvre jewel theft in October continues to captivate the world, even with four suspects in custody. Several pieces stolen in the brazen theft, done in less than ten minutes by a group of thieves using a cherry picker lift from outside, are still missing. Security at the famous Paris museum is being raked over the coals for the inept response. And the greatest law enforcement officials in France continue to work the case. 

On October 19th, thieves used a cherry picker machine to intrude into the Louvre in broad daylight by breaking a window and making off with multiple crown jewels held in the museum. An estimated haul of 102 million remains unaccounted for, after one item, the crown of Eugenie, was dropped during the escape. It was all done within minutes. The group fled on scooters from the scene, enraging the country's populace. The cherry picker had been stolen several days prior to the theft.

Prosecutors believe the four arrested individuals to be petty crooks and not professionals tied to organized crime. They do note that petty crooks are becoming more daring in their acts, as this highlights. "It is an embarrassment to the country as a whole," one said under anonymity. "The Louvre is a jewel among museums of the world, and for this nonsense to happen... it is unthinkable. This sort of thing makes you want to bring back the guillotine."

Police continue to hunt for additional suspects, and the remaining jewels have not yet been found. Unlikely suspects have been named and dismissed. The security team at the Louvre is being questioned for any involvement, as well as their own ineptitude in the matter. Interpol is keeping an eye on unscrupulous dealers who might think that they have a chance of moving the jewels to unscrupulous customers. And one of France's greatest detectives is leading the response to the case. "We will find them wherever they may hide, let me assure of you of that," he told reporters outside the Louvre. "They think they are clever, and they may be, but they are not so clever as Inspector..."

"Clouseau!" came a voice from across the street, as loud as could be.

"That is not my name, monsieur!" Chief Inspector Charles Aznavour cheerfully called back.

Some in the media have suggested the involvement of Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon, who is known for an incident at the Louvre years ago, among several others. Langdon has been known to get involved in pot boiler plots that make him initially appear guilty before being proved innocent after unravelling byzantine schemes and secrets linked to art. He also bears a striking resemblance to actor Tom Hanks. Langdon denied being anywhere near Paris. "It's been six months since I've been in Europe," Langdon told reporters in a conference call. "I've been working on my latest book, which explores the hidden secrets in the painting American Gothic, by Grant Wood."

Regardless, French authorities are eager to arrest anyone else involved in the theft, especially if they hang around with Daniel Ocean. These are cultural treasures, after all, and must be recovered. Fears of their disappearing into anonymous vaults forever are out there, but police are determined to find the suspects. Aznavour, after having words with the heckler who compared him to a bumbling film detective played by Peter Sellers, said as much to the press. "They are running out of time. They cannot hide, for the strong eyes of the law are searching for them. And if they should attempt to cross the ocean, we have friends in Interpol over there who will intercept them." 

One of those friends is the legendary Mountie, Canadian RCMP Inspector Lars Ulrich, often mistaken for the Metallica drummer of the same name, even though they look nothing alike. Ulrich is fresh off an epic five hundred kilometre chase of Mad Jack Munro, who in the space of three months robbed sixteen banks through the Canadian west until being brought down by the fearsome lawman, who threw him into Dead Man's Canyon before arresting him. Ulrich was reached at his detachment in the Alberta foothills. "If they need my help, I'll give it," Ulrich said. "But I know Inspector Aznavour. He's the best they've got. Even if people keep mistaking him for a dead singer."

Revenge Of The Bitcoin Scammers

They are a loathsome lot with no conscience, no purpose, and nothing to do with their time but that what they do. Namely to send unwelcome emails to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, or post meaningless comments spamming our blogs. I speak of course of the wretches otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, aka internet scammers and spammers. The following nonsense came through my emails recently.

As a high school teacher in Michigan, managing finances is crucial, especially when dealing with unexpected losses. I faced a significant setback when I incurred a loss of $160,000.50 in crypto trading. The experience was both financially and emotionally draining, and I was at a loss for how to recover from such a substantial amount.After extensive research and considering various recovery options, I came across Cyber Tech Wizard. The reviews and testimonials suggested they had a strong track record of successfully recovering funds for individuals who had experienced financial losses in trading. Skepticism was natural, given the amount involved, but I decided to reach out and see if they could offer any assistance.From our initial contact, Cyber Tech Wizard   demonstrated a level of professionalism and efficiency that was reassuring. Their team of experts conducted a thorough analysis of my situation, reviewing all relevant documents and trading activities. They communicated clearly about the steps involved in the recovery process and kept me informed at every stage. The transparency they provided was particularly comforting during this challenging period.One of the standout aspects of their service was their commitment to a personalized approach. Unlike some other recovery services that might offer a one-size-fits-all solution, Cyber Tech Wizard   took the time to understand my specific circumstances. They tailored their strategies to address the unique aspects of my case, which was a significant factor in the success of the recovery process.The turnaround time for recovering my funds was remarkably swift. I was initially apprehensive about how long it would take, but Cyber Tech Wizard  exceeded my expectations. Within a short period, they managed to recover the full amount of $160,000.50. Their efficiency in handling my case not only relieved me of the financial burden but also restored my confidence in managing future investments.Throughout the entire process, the professionalism exhibited by Cyber Tech Wizard   was exceptional. They provided regular updates, answered all my questions promptly, and offered valuable advice on how to avoid similar issues in the future. Their support went beyond just financial recovery; they also helped me understand the intricacies of forex trading and how to safeguard my investments better.I highly recommend Cyber Tech Wizard   for anyone facing difficulties with forex trading losses. Their prompt, professional, and personalized service turned a dire situation into a successful recovery. For anyone who finds themselves in a similar predicament, Cyber Tech Wizard’s expertise and dedication can make a significant difference. Their ability to recover my loss not only alleviated a substantial financial strain but also restored my peace of mind, allowing me to focus on my career and personal life without ongoing financial worry.

Oh, sure, right. That's believable. This schmuck passes off a story not that different from what we've seen before- supposedly real people caught in a bad situation. But instead of the spell caster doctor who will fix everything, this time it's the tech wiz geniuses who'll get your money back that you unwisely put down on crypto trading.

Only no one behind this email actually did that. Because this email is a scam.

I don't know what real high school teachers in Michigan make, but it's not going to be of an amount where you can sink 160 grand of your salary after expenses into Bitcoin (which is a scam in and of itself to begin with). That just isn't possible.

So of course it's a scam. Written in a lot of the same way as the spell caster spam. If you look up this supposed company, Cyber Tech Wizard, you find a lot of dead ends and random comments just like the above, but not a real site. Because it doesn't exist. All this happens to be is the work of a scammer who's desperately phishing for someone dumb enough to reply directly to the email in question.

Nice try, really, but I am wise to your ways.

I recommend we go old school on you.

And send you to Skull Island to have a word with this guy.

The Secret Order Of Infernal Scammers

 You would wish that they'd just go away. Or into a coma, or even better yet, just die. It's not as if they contribute anything at all to society. I speak of the hordes of repugnant people otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The internet scammers and spammers who have absolutely nothing to do with their time but spam us with crap we're not interested in, or send the same form letter scam to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, hoping someone will buy the bait. The following turned up in my email recently.

Greetings, from the illuminati world elite empire, Are you a business Man/woman,

politician, musician, student, salary earner.

Do you strive to expand your knowledge and personal development, want to be rich,

need protection, be powerful and famous.

if YES!. Then you can achieve your dreams by being a member of the great illuminati empire,

Once you are a  member all your dreams and heart desire can be fully accomplish.

With this brief summary, If you are interested to become a member of the great illuminati then

get back to us for more information about joining the illuminati.

kindly reply us back on our direct recruitment email only at: infoilluminati003@gmail.com

Please note, Kindly make sure all your response are send directly to the email stated above only at: infoilluminati003@gmail.com

For more instructions on our membership process.

Note: Some email providers incorrectly place official Illuminati messages in their spam / junk folder or promotion folder.

This can divert and exclude our responses to your emails.

The Illuminati.                     

I've seen this kind of crap before. There's an idiot out there who mass spams the same copy and paste  Welcome to the Illuminati comment into blogs from time to time- but haven't heard from him in a long time. Maybe Covid did us all a favour and removed him from the face of the earth.

This idiot gives us some of the same tell-tales of your typical scammer, capitalizing some words and not capitalizing words that do (note to the scammer- if you're claiming to represent the Illuminati, you might want to actually capitalize the damned word). They're passing themselves off as a member of the Illuminati, looking to recruit.

Only thing is, there is no Illuminati, hasn't been for centuries. Except in the demented fantasies of a bunch of conspiracy theories, and in the plotline of a Dan Brown novel. It's defunct, kaput, a non-entity. Point is, the organization they claim to be part of is as non-existent as the 5.2 million dollars that you see a Cancer Widow offering in other scam emails (the money's not really resting in an account, and unfortunately the scammer doesn't actually have cancer, we've pretty much established that by now). So no, this is not the Illuminati.

Nice try, numbskull. But if I were to start going down this rabbit hole of emails with you, it would end with you wanting access to my bank account numbers, social insurance number, and life insurance policy. What could possibly go wrong with that?

As it's not possible for you to do anything productive in life, I think there's only one option for you.

I'd suggest something medieval, just to teach you some manners.

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so it is time for the perspective of the cat, a divine being who should be treated with all the adoration she deserves.

6:50 AM. Waking up. Taking a big stretch. It is far too early for this.

7:02 AM. An examination of conditions out the front window from the back of the couch. Humid today, but not overly so. Perhaps conditions for thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms. 

Flying lunches pecking around at the grass for bugs. I don't like bugs either.

7:08 AM. The staff comes downstairs, dressed for that work place she goes off to. I got so used to this work from home thing she was doing for awhile. Now when she leaves she puts on a mask and looks like a surgeon. Or worse, a vet. Human beings are so weird.

7:10 AM. Instructing the staff as to seeing to it that my breakfast is made. Now then, staff, let's get to it and have a proper meal set up. I would have preferred you to have been up a half hour earlier to put a bowl in the fridge for optimum pre-chilled status, because there's something about breakfast being served in a pre-chilled dish that makes it just right. But we can't always get what we want. So aside from that, I want this to be made perfectly clear: no field rations. I want meat. Are we understanding each other, staff?

7:12 AM. The staff sets down a plate of chicken, a bowl of milk... and a bowl of field rations. Or kibbles as she calls them. The first two I shall help myself to. The third I shall ignore. One of these days, staff, one of these days, you'll get the hint and stop buying field rations.

7:16 AM. Finished eating the meat and drinking the milk. Walking out of the kitchen and ignoring the field rations. 

7:29 AM. The staff is on her way out the door after finishing her breakfast and off to that work place. Goodbye, staff. If you're stopping at the store on the way home, don't give into the impulse to buy field rations.

7:39 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that foul hound. Hopefully he has an unpleasant meeting with a skunk.

7:45 AM. You know, staring at a blank spot on the wall with great intent but for absolutely no reason is not as amusing as when the staff is here. I like freaking her out and making her think we have a ghost in the house when there is no such thing.

8:03 AM. A look at the weather forecast on the television. Apparently storms are imminent. Yes, well, one look out the window would tell you that.

8:15 AM. An examination of the exterior from the back of the couch suggests the rain could start any time. Clouds that dark are never a good sign. Fortunately I am inside and can sleep this off anywhere I choose. 

8:22 AM. The rain commences all at once, along with some lightning. I wonder if that foul mutt is out in it.

8:28 AM. Continuing to watch the storm blow outside. I suppose I had better do a patrol of the house just in case my staff did something foolish... like leaving a window open. Screens will not do much good with high winds and a downpour, after all.

8:43 AM. A thorough examination of the house confirms that all windows are shut and therefore we should expect no leaks or water getting blown in. Unless a flying tree branch breaks a window, but let us not get ahead of ourselves or anything.

8:51 AM. Very well, then. This storm might last awhile. I shall then just endeavor to put up with it. Perhaps take a nap. If I know that annoying hound from down the road, and I do, then right about now he must be cowering somewhere under a bed or in the basement.

10:31 AM. Waking up from a nap on the couch. Slept pleasantly. A glance outside. The weather has cleared up. Good. I approve. 

11:32 AM. Feeling a bit peckish. 

11:33 AM. Ah, yes. Of course. Just field rations out in the open in the kitchen. 

My feeling hungry overcomes my disdain for field rations. I eat.

12:02 PM. Watching the noon news. It seems that storm sent a used car salesman flying into the lake. The reporter quips about how no one has come forward yet to check in on him in the hospital after his near-drowning, because who cares about used car salesmen?

12:23 PM. The newscast is interrupted when the anchor mentions that the National Association Of Used Car Salespeople is picketing outside their studios and demanding that that the reporter who insulted them be handed over for beheading.

It might just be me, but someone takes their job way too seriously.

5:03 PM. The staff walks in the front door bearing a couple of grocery bags. Any milk and tuna among your supply run, staff?

5:12 PM. Supervising the staff while she unpacks the groceries. A carton of milk is always a welcome sight to see. And is that catnip?

6:04 PM. The staff is making dinner, but has the evening news on. Big story of the night is the used car salesmen burning the local reporter in effigy outside their studios. The anchor is looking dismayed and asking why, with so many jokes out there about used car salesmen, that they have no sense of humour about it.

6:37 PM. Dinner with the staff. A bowl of milk and a plate of cut up beef meets with my approval. Why she insists on eating her meat with broccoli, I don't know.

8:23 PM. Lying on the sofa while the staff reads, contemplating the great mysteries of our time. What came first, the purr or the scratch behind the ears?

11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff, but do keep the door open. I like having access to all spaces for my overnight sprint through the premises at 3:30 AM for absolutely no reason, you know.

The Curse Of The Time Change

The twice a year ritual of changing the clocks is coming up this weekend. I have an image blog for the occasion.