Great Power, Great Responsibility

"No Banner. No girl. Only Hulk." - Hulk

"What do you know about me, kid? You think this is a choice? Living like this is a life style, is that what you think? Kid, this is a sentence." - Punisher

"Just because we've lost someone... it doesn't mean we have to do this alone. I mean we can't. Trust me, I've been trying. It doesn't work." - Peter Parker

Summer brings back the blockbuster action films, and that includes the comic book adaptations. The latest of the MCU films to come out is Spider-Man Brand New Day, directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, and reuniting cast members from the previous films and elsewhere in the MCU, while introducing new players along the way. It's a film that works very well in taking the lead character in new directions, while remaining true to who he is.

The last film saw Peter Parker (Tom Holland) known to the world as Spider-Man, but a mindwipe made everyone forget. With his aunt May (Marisa Tomei) dead, Peter is living anonymously as himself, and spending all of his spare time as his webbed counterpart, protecting New York. MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon) don't remember him, and have gone off to college. We see that time has passed, and Spidey has been busy, working closely with the police to take down threats. It's about the only part of his life that is going reasonably well. Home is a dark apartment where his only company seems to be a Stark Tech A.I. assisting him as needed.

And his anonymity is making him miserable, even as his enhanced physiology starts to take him in some unexpected directions. While he's getting along with the police, he's bickering with the more lethal vigilante Frank Castle, the Punisher (Jon Bernthal), and connecting with other figures of the MCU, like Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) and Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh). Peter finds himself dealing with a very different kind of antagonist- one that can jump from body to body, that has their own agenda that plays out as the movie goes along.

Cretton keeps things balanced nicely, weaving between jaw dropping action and quiet character moments. There are a lot of easter eggs in here for comics fans, from visual tributes for comic covers to characters that enter the MCU for the first time, or return after time away. These include small cameos by rogues like the Scorpion, Tombstone, or the Hand- any of which could be a major villain in their own right. But as the film goes along, things are not what they seem, and the true villain stands exposed for what they are.

Jon Bernthal has been playing the Punisher in the Daredevil series. The character is harder, more brutal than Spider-Man; as in the comics, here in the MCU they disagree about where the line is drawn in stopping criminals. Bernthal plays him that way- tough as nails, holding close the family he has lost. but still as a man with a conscience, and it's interesting to see the dynamic between Spider-Man and the Punisher evolve as the story goes along. Ruffalo returns as Bruce Banner, using an inhibitor to keep his Hulk side in check. He's working as a professor, which you would expect, and wary of a return to his big green self. But this is an MCU film, and when the Hulk makes his presence known, it's very well played out.

Marisa Tomei's May Parker died in the last film. However, she appears here in flashback- and in a context best seen for yourself, wise and compassionate in a way that is pivotal at a critical moment. Liza Colan-Zayas plays Jean DeWolff, a detective with the NYPD who is the closest thing Spidey has to a partner. She gives the character a tough but concerned tone in her performance. Florence Pugh does a cameo as Yelena Belova, bantering with Holland's Spidey in a playful scene. 

Batalon has been playing Ned for several films now, and as things start, he's the geek slowly growing up, posting videos online that MJ wonders who would be watching, neither of them knowing it's Peter's only way of keeping touch with them. Ned and MJ are sharing an apartment and maintaining their friendship, all while unaware of the missing part of their lives. Sadie Sink, from Stranger Things, appears in a critical role with a lot of dramatic weight. Zendaya continues to play MJ, who finds herself drawn back into the orbit of Spider-Man again. She's grown as an actress, and the turmoil that the situation brings upon her character is met by her performance. 

Holland has also grown as an actor; Peter is no longer the high school student we first met, but years into the role. It's a darker, more isolated take on the character, who has lost all that mattered to him. Peter is withdrawn from the world, forgotten by those he loved, due to the choices he had to make. His life as Spider-Man starts to spin out of control too, and mistakes are made. But Holland conveys the core of what makes this character so compelling- that in the end, he is an inherently good person always striving to make things right. And the character's journey in this film includes coming back to himself.

The end result is a highly entertaining but thoughtful adaptation, with great visuals, high stakes, and emotional grounding in its characters. It takes some twists and turns along the way, but does so in keeping with the story. All in all, a worthy addition to the MCU, with a mid-credits moment that leaves the viewer wondering 'what the hell...'

New Year, Same Old Internet Scams

They are the accursed. The damned. The wretched. The wastes of oxygen otherwise known as internet scammers and spammers, who persist in sending comments and emails peddling the too good to be true scams, gambling sites for the other side of the bloody planet (Ratana, you useless, worthless prick, I'm talking about you), totally fake con artist spell casters and witch doctors, and otherwise other sites. Or they're the sort who demonstrate that they never read a thing you wrote (Rajani, that's aimed squarely at you- you're the asshole who writes "mind blowing post" and "please read my post" on numerous blog posts, including that of a woman talking about her cancer diagnosis. That, Rajani, is a complete asshole thing to do. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on).

Some of you might remember a post from 2019 in which I took apart a spam comment from the standard scammer, a cancer widow saying she was from Malta by the unlikely name of Ruphina Bruce. Here it is in its entirety.

Dear Sir/Ma,

My name is Mrs. Ruphina Bruce, I am 89 years old widow living in Malta island close to Italy, I am the Mother of late Mr. James Bruce my only son who was a minister of Aviation in my country Malta. My son James and his wife died 5 years ago in Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 that crashed on the 8th of March 2014,please you can visit this link

for more details of the plane crash that killed my son and his wife.My son James and his wife left behind their only 9 years old daughter whose name is Melina. Melina is my only grandchild and the only heir of my late son Mr. James Bruce.

My son James was not a billionaire but the little he left for his only daughter Melina before he passed on if it is well managed by a good business man or woman in the foreign land; I think my granddaughter’s future will be secured.

My dear, my utmost reason of writing you is because I need your urgent assistance, I want to send my granddaughter (Melina) to you so that she can live with you in your country, this is a very hard decision for me but my condition has forced me to do this which i must do urgently because the doctor said i have little time to live due to the Cancer disease i am currently battling with, my granddaughter (Melina) is very young but rich and lonely,i am the only family she's got ever since she lost her parents, but now i am very old and weak and if anything happens to me she does not know what to do or where to go, this is why i am asking you if you can adopt her and take care of her like your own child.

please do not worry about the cost of securing Melina’s traveling document and her welfare because Melina is Rich, Melina’s father had deposited the sum of $21 million usd in Universal bank for Melina and instructed me to handle the online login to the account to Melina when she turns 18, But since i do not have much time to live due to old age and my poor health condition i therefore seek your assistance and honesty to help me adopt melina to take good care of her and handle the funds for her.

With the online account login details which i will hand over to you will enable you transfer the fund from the account to any other bank account of your choice,Please I want you to use part of this money for Melina upbring and her education, then invest the other part in a good business and most importantly, I want you to take good care of Melina, give her all the support and love she needs.

My dear, I am writing you because I am very old and weak now, I can’t walk or even see clearly, what you are reading now was writing by my house help “Jonny” with my instruction, so please do not get me wrong because I can’t even see the letters on the computer keyboard let alone type a word. I do not speak English, I speak Maltese so everything here is translated

As soon as I hear a positive response from you, I will release the online bank account details to you to enable you withdraw the required fund to arrange for my granddaughters trip to meet you in your country. .

Thanks

My greetings to you and your family

Mrs. Ruphina Bruce.

Back in November I got an actual comment in that very same post, reporting that Ruphina was still alive and kicking. Here it is:

Ruphina is still going strong despite the "terminal cancer" diagnosis in 2019 as I have just had the exact same e mail in November 2021.Looking closely it comes from Marcus Adebayo , not a very Maltese name !

Sigh. They never learn, do they?

You'd think that it would occur to them to tweak their story if they're going to go with the dying of cancer angle. Names changed. Places. The narrative. Because when you're passing yourself off as a dying of cancer pity me victim, it speaks volumes that three years later you're still alive and writing the exact same thing to other people.

Because you didn't die of cancer. More's the pity, because if anyone on the planet deserves to die of cancer, it's you. And that prat Rajani, who thinks his 'pay attention to me' comments on a cancer diagnosis post is a good thing. Hear that, Rajani? You should die of cancer. There. Said it. I'll no doubt say it again.

But no, these scammers are, well, pretty stupid. They're not asking themselves how credible their fake sob stories sound (hint: they aren't). They're not suggesting to themselves that maybe they ought to call it a day and find some honest line of work. They're not wondering if they're being ridiculed.

No, they're just focused on the one person in a half million random email accounts they send this crap too. That one person who's dumber than they are. Who thinks it's real. Who's foolish enough to buy the bait and send what's inevitably the two or five thousand dollar 'administrative fee' to the first email address in a long daisy chain of email addresses ultimately leading not to a dying widow who wants them to do good works with the money being given to a random stranger- but to a scam artist in some distant part of the world.

Because that one person is foolish enough to do it.

You wish they'd take a hint already and just drop dead. I've actively suggested it many times. I've counselled them to cease their wasting of oxygen that's better used for people who contribute something to the world. I've asked them to consider throwing themselves off a cliff. I've even recommended more colourful and stringent ways of ending their existence. After all, who would miss them?

But all for not. I'm still getting comments from totally fake people gushing about totally fake spell casting witch doctors with regularity. I'm still getting spam comments from the Ratanas of the world. And every once in awhile I still get comments from Rajani the 'copy paste feel good posts'  and 'pay attention to me' nitwit (who really should die of cancer). 

Nice try, Ruphina. First, congratulations on not dying yet of that totally fake cancer diagnosis. A diagnosis made by a totally fake doctor, and made to a totally fake patient. Second, it's nice to know that you're still at it, and that people see right through your line of bullshit. 

I still stand by what I generally say to spammers and scammers in these parts.

Drop dead.

Fuck you.

And rot in hell.

That's me saying it nicely.

Are You A Grave Robber With A Degree?

I have an image blog today. Enjoy!