The Cancer Widow And Soldier Scam

They will never give up. They will never take a hint. They will never just throw in the towel and find an honest way of making a living. I speak, of course, of the vile subspecies homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. That repugnance that we call the internet scammers and spammers, who send endless emails of too good to be true scams or infest our pages with random comments linking to Cambodian sports sites. They just don't get it. 

The two following short scammer efforts came into my email in recent weeks, as examples of that wretched lot of scum and villainy.

May the peace of God be with you and your family. I know it will be a great surprise reading from me today but consider this a divine intervention as a pastor explained to my understanding. My name is Mrs. Deborah Grant, a widow from the United State Of America Married in Turkey, and am writing you from my sick bed because I have been fighting cancer and the doctor says I have only a few weeks left. I want to entrust my money (USD 8.5 million) to your care for charity purposes to help the less privileged as my late husbands' relatives want me dead so that they will claim all my late husband and I worked for.I will tell you more about myself and what you need to do with the money once you receive it. Please write me soon as my health is pretty bad and my doctor says I will be moved to the intensive care unit anytime soon. Have a blessed day and please pray for me. God bless you.

Yours Mrs. Debbie Grant

Greetings to you,
My name is Captain John White I'm a serving US soldier currently deployed in Syria.
I recovered some huge amounts of US dollars from the ISIS terrorists camp and I want to move the money out to a safe place as quickly as possible without involving any of my relatives since I'm still active in service. So I'm writing you this mail to propose the deal to you
Get back to me ASAP for more details about it but only if you're interested else please ignore

NB:- Please note that I'm writing you this out of trust and should be kept confidential even if you're not interested
You are to reply back to me on my personal email at: captwhitejohn@gmail.com,
Thanks, And Best Regards

Great. The Cancer Widow and the Overseas Soldier scams. The Cancer Widow one is of course a familiar one, invoking religious fervour (note to the scammer, you're pretty much wasting your time on me there) and telling a sob story about that she's dying (of cancer!). She says that her late husband's family wants her dead (hey, I can relate, I don't even know you and I want you dead). And she says that she wants to entrust her 8.5 million to me for charitable purposes.

Well, if this was real (it's not), I'd say, sure. The charitable purpose being the wealth and comfort of me. But that would come after the old bat was dead. 

But it's not real. Because the old bat is a scammer who can't spell United States right and possesses all of the hallmarks of the classic Cancer Widow Scammer. 

And then there's Captain John White, who claims to be an American soldier serving in Syria (oh, sure). He says that he's recovered "some huge amounts of US dollars from the ISIS terrorists camp". Yeah, sure, that sounds legitimate.

Because where are a pack of 6th century mindset terrorists going to get their hands on a lot of US dollars? And if  you were real (you're not), you'd be proposing a criminal act. Not very honourable of an active soldier, but let's face it, you're not an active soldier.

No, both of you are fakes at the end of a long line of email addresses hoping desperately that someone's dumb enough to take the bait and believe this crap. Maybe someone else in the list of five hundred thousand emails will buy it and send you the inevitable processing fee, but they're stupid, and I'm not.

Why don't we settle this in an unconventional way? Both the Cancer Widow and the Oversea Soldier go into the Thunderdome. Two scammers enter. One scammer leaves.

Whoever's still alive gets to continue to be ridiculed by me.

That sounds fair.

Covidiots Of The World

 What part of responsibility to others do you not get? 

All Hail The New Foreign Secretary

British Cabinet Continues Through Upheaval, Names New Foreign Secretary

London (Reuters) Life in the United Kingdom hasn’t been the same since the Brexit referendum saw the country narrowly decide to leave the European Union. The results were deeply divisive throughout Britain, and the government has struggled with the Brexit process ever since, trying to come to terms with what it might mean for the future of the country and their relationship with the rest of the continent. It ended one prime minister’s career, and has given rise to the uncertain current occupant of the office. 

And it has given rise to some unlikely players in the game. Boris Johnson, one of the strongest voices for Brexit, was foreign secretary until his abrupt resignation in July. The clumsy oaf of a politician has risen quickly in the Conservative party since his days as mayor of London. Perpetually looking like he just rolled out of bed, Johnson has often been described as boorish and dimwitted, but cunning in his own way. Pundits have long expected that his every move has been calculated to eventually put himself into the Prime Minister’s job. “Even stupid people can be ambitious,” a Tory insider told reporters on condition of anonymity.

His resignation came after rising tensions between himself and Prime Minister Theresa May over the pace of the Brexit process. Relegated to the status of a backbench MP, Johnson is said to be biding his time, waiting to further sabotage the prime minister as opportunity allows. Leaving Westminster two days ago, he stopped to speak to reporters. Looking unkempt in a wrinkled suit and sloppily done tie, Johnson had that usual deer in the headlights expression of befuddlement to him. And as usual, his hair had the look of a man who had just stepped out of a wind tunnel.

“I should like to deny any allegations that I am attempting to sabotage the fine efforts of that totally inept prime minister May,” he said. “As this country moves forward through Brexit and gives the middle finger to Europe, we need to rally around the leader, and I think we all know that leadership is something Theresa isn’t all that good at.”

“Isn’t it a bit ironic claiming you’re not out to sabotage the Prime Minister and then in the same breath insult her?” one reporter asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Johnson replied.

“We all heard you. We recorded your statement, the reporter pressed.

Johnson shrugged. “There’s a lot of ways you could fake any statement. Now then, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off. I have to get to my secret meeting of the Take Down Theresa Society, and I can’t be late. You understand how it is.” He turned with a flourish- and stumbled down a staircase, yelling with each impact, finally coming to a halt at the bottom of the steps with his legs out at the wrong angles. “Um…. A little help?” he called in between whimpers.

The news of Johnson’s latest catastrophic accident seemed to please the prime minister. Theresa May made remarks to the press at 10 Downing, shortly after being briefed about the incident. “I could easily pretend to be sympathetic about Boris ending up in a body cast,” May admitted with a sly smile. “But you would see right through that. If you ask me, for my opinion on the matter, it couldn’t have possibly happened to a more deserving prat.”

It had been thought for some time that Jeremy Hunt would succeed Johnson as Foreign Secretary, as he had been serving in that capacity in the interim since the resignation. However, the Prime Minister had other ideas. “Mr. Hunt will be taking on other cabinet responsibilities,” she explained to reporters. “But I feel that what we need right now is a calm hand, steady nerves, and the experience of knowing what the job requires. Before Boris muscled his way in, we had a previous Foreign Secretary who was highly respected for his articulate views, his fortitude, his eloquence, his grace under pressure, and his reassuring personality. It was a mistake, a grave mistake, to make him step aside. I should like to rectify that mistake by bringing him back into the fold. He has accepted my offer and I am thankful for that. Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to welcome back the Foreign Secretary.”

An aide opened the front door to the residence behind her. Out stepped a familiar face, a bit tentative at first. He was looking thoroughly respectable in a Savile Row suit that contrasted sharply with his wild red hair and wide eyes. The Foreign Secretary was short perhaps for a cabinet minister, but tall for a Muppet. He walked forward, joining the Prime Minister.

Foreign Secretary Beaker looked about at the reporters, and began to speak. “Meep! Meep meep meep meep! Meep meep!”

The Road Warrior In A World Of Fire And Blood

From 1979 to 1985, Australian director George Miller wrote and directed three films set in a post apocalyptic wasteland, the original Mad Max films featuring Mel Gibson as the loner anti-hero in a brutal Australian landscape where roving gangs kill others for as little as a tank of gasoline. After Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, Miller had a hand in writing, producing, or directing a diverse set of projects, including Dead Calm, Babe, Babe Pig In The City, Happy Feet, Happy Feet 2, Lorenzo’s Oil, and The Witches Of Eastwick. The notion of making a fourth film in the Mad Max franchise dates back to 1998, and is now out in theatres, with a new actor in the title role.

The distant future where civilization has collapsed is the setting for the story. Max (Tom Hardy) has fallen into the hands of the War Boys, a group of bloodthirsty soldiers working for the ruthless zealot Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne). One of the War Boys is Nux (Nicholas Hoult), a soldier suffering from illness and seeing Max as a way to prolong his life- Max is a universal blood donor, so Nux is using him as a permanent living blood bank, strapped to his car. The other key player is Furiosa (Charlize Theron), a driver working for Joe, ferrying fuel. However, she’s changed course, instead taking Joe’s five wives to safety in a heavily armoured rig. Joe regards the women as his personal property, feels the fact that they are gone is a personal affront, and sets his forces to hunt them down. Along the way the paths of Max and Furiosa cross, and the reluctant loner finds himself drawn into helping others.

The road to making the film was an exceedingly long one. Miller mused upon the idea of human trafficking as a central theme in the film, but 9/11, logistical problems, and then the troubled issues in Gibson’s life thwarted the film for years. Many thought the film would never get off the ground, and considering how many issues got in the way, that would be understandable. Finally filming got underway in Australia and Namibia, done in an old school style strongly based in real action and less reliance on digital effects. The storyline is rather like a Western, with the villains brutal and ruthless, and the reluctant protagonist drawn out of his own shell and back to doing the right thing. Bringing in a fellow protagonist who’s just as strong willed was a deft touch- Furiosa is fierce and determined, seeking some measure of redemption. In striving to save these women- and bringing Max out of his post traumatic shock- she’s the driving force of the story in a way that is more compelling than if we had Max on his own saving the lives of the women. That would have been the typical man saves the women in distress story so typical of a traditional Western; written this way, a strong willed woman takes the initiative, and it makes the story all the better for it. There's also social commentary amid the furious breakneck speed chases- the notion of zealots willing to sacrifice themselves in pursuit of an afterlife in paradise rings true to the state of the world today.

Miller’s filming style for the original films returns here as well. Digital effects are used, but used only when needed- Miller has said why special effect a scene when you can do it for real, and that reflects itself in the way he shoots furious action, dynamic cross country races, and the ferocious energy of the film. Camera angles are at strange angles, showing us people seemingly inches from death (one wonders how the insurance people signed off on this).  Cinematographer John Seale, whose resume includes Witness, The Mosquito Coast, The English Patient, Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, and Dead Poet's Society, came out of retirement to shoot this one, and his camera work is astonishing. Such is also the case with the look of the film. The general look to the War Boys fits the zealot-cult aspect of the story, as well as the marauding biker gang theme of the films. The customized vehicles have such a rich variety in their looks- dangerous vehicles in many ways, very fitting with a post apocalyptic kill the other guy first world.

The cast are all well chosen. Hugh Keays-Byrne played a role in the first Mad Max, and his new role is a fierce one. Immortan Joe is a madman, a ruthless monster with no shades of grey. A zealot and a tyrant, he takes any measure of disobedience personally, which drives him throughout the movie as he seeks to reclaim what he believes belongs to him- those five women who he seeks to breed a male heir with. He's also charismatic enough to get people to believe in the afterlife he promises them- all so he can use them for cannon fodder or human shields. Monster though he is, he does make for a formidable villain.

Nicholas Hoult is unrecognizable largely as Nux, but the character changes through the film. The actor, who's turned up in the last two X-Men films as the young Beast, starts out as a loyal soldier, though things change, and he switches sides, an interesting turn of events. The reasons for the shift in loyalties ring true, though, and the character's compelling to watch. Hoult conveys the aspects of the character in just the right way.

Charlize Theron is in many ways the driving force of the film as Furiosa (I love that name). She seeks redemption by saving the lives of these women, even though that puts her in direct peril. The character is haunted by her own demons, yet still pushes forward, willpower driving her on. It's such a strongly written character, and Theron works wonders with her, making her a character the audience can't help but be drawn to. She's a lot like Max- anti-hero, scarred and damaged, and while the characters don't fall into the romantic or even friends angle that a different director would take, the two work well together. 

Hardy is an inspired choice to take on the role of Max. He spends the first part of the film wearing a partial mask (echoing his performance as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises), and doesn't say a lot. He's isolated himself from society, and we can pretty much see that this is a man who's dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Max has lost a lot, seen horrors on the open road, is reluctant to help- and yet has a conscience that makes him help. Furiosa draws him out of his shock, back into doing the right thing. He fits the role well.

There's a moment of conversation that stands out for me. Max tells Furiosa at one point that "hope is a lie." It's understandable given what he's been through, and yet not quite fitting with who he is. As dark and bleak as the world of this post-apocalypse is and always has been in these films, there's also been the sense to them that there is something better out there, over the horizon, far from marauding gangs. It's a contradictory moment... but full of meaning. It's been thirty years now since the last Mad Max film, but Fury Road was well worth the wait.