Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, March 18, 2024

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 Once more, it is time for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog must have the first say in everything, what with his attention span being so short.

7:01 AM. Waking up. Yawn and a big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels.

7:03 AM. A look outside. Still feeling out of sorts because of that daylight saving time thing. I don't know why humans feel like they have to change clocks twice a year. It puts everyone out of balance and feeling grumpy. I mean, it still feels like it should be an hour earlier.

7:08 AM. Waiting patiently for the human to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, I lack the opposable thumbs to open cabinet doors.

7:19 AM. The human comes downstairs. I begin to thump my tail against the floor in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? The sort of day that makes you want to get out there and get going. But first things first. How about breakfast? It is my favourite meal of the day, in a four way tie with lunch, snacks, and supper.

7:21 AM. The human is pouring a big bowl of kibbles for me. 

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.....

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast within three seconds of my all time fastest time.

7:26 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:30 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be. Spring is here. Oh, sure, we might still get snowfalls, because let's face it, this is Canada. But the point is, this is a time of year of mud and splashing around in the creek and having fun.

7:42 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:43 AM. After customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss matters of the highest importance. When the skunks might be out and about on a regular basis. What the mailman is up to. Where the squirrels will strike next.

7:47 AM. Spike reminds me that Easter thing is coming up pretty soon. Right, right. I hope my human doesn't have any of her idiot relations over. Those nephews and nieces like to pull tails.

7:51 AM. Parting ways with Spike. Try to stay out of trouble!

8:02 AM. Making my way home through the woods. Coming across the creek. The water looks inviting. Like it wants me to splash in it.

Oh, why not? Seize the day and all that.

8:05 AM. Having a ball splashing about, enjoying the nice cold water. This is living!

8:14 AM. Out of the creek and having a good shake of the fur. Time to get home.

8:23 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know I'm back. Human! It is I, Loki! Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Mailmen!

8:24 AM. The human intercepts me before I can get inside. Come on, human, it's just a little bit of mud....

8:29 AM. Protesting in vain as the human gives me a washdown. Come on, human, I already had a bath this morning!

8:36 AM. After a brisk scrubbing via the Towel of Torment, the human finally relents and lets me inside.

12:10 PM. Lunch with the human. Is there anything as good as a ham and cheese sandwich?

1:31 PM. Barking from the window as the mailman drives off after dropping a couple of things off at the mailbox. The human reminds me that the mailman is just doing his job. I don't know, human. He's evil. Dogs just know these things.

6:25 PM. Dinner with the human. She's made spaghetti and meatballs for herself. For me, just the meatballs, no sauce or spaghetti. She still remembers The Incident.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Never fear, I'll protect the house against any all threats, because I'm a good dog. A very good dog.

Who happens to like splashing about in creeks.


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