Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, August 28, 2023

Last Stand Of The Internet Scammer


One wonders what led them to choose this rather deplorable line of work. I refer of course to the repugnant people classified as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus- the classic internet scammer and spammer. Do they have no real job? No friends? No direction in life? Is this what they've come to? Endlessly spamming pointless crap we're not interested in to begin with in the form of generic comments in our blogs. Sending us, along with hundreds of thousands of other random souls, the same form email that promises fortune and glory- if you're dumb enough to believe it. Such is the case with the following bit of nonsense, which turned up in my email some weeks back.

Attention Please,This email you have received is from Lakoma Island Investments onbehalf of the winner of January 13, 2023 - $1.348 billion ($723.5million cash) Maine jackpot lottery.See link below for verification:
We are giving the sum $1,500,000.00 (One Million Five hundredThousand US Dollars) each to some selected individuals asdonation.You have been luckily selected via the mail system to receive thesum of $1,500,000.00 (One Million Five hundred Thousand USDollars).Note that you are required to contact Mr. John Wearn with yourdonation code and personal contact details for claim.THIS IS YOUR DONATION CODE: 2023-1.5-MIL/WIN/LII/5You have to contact him directly with the information below.Name : Mr. John WearnEmail : Email : lejohnw01@aliyun.comNote: PLEASE BEWARE OF SCAMMERS, YOU HAVE TO CONTACT MR. JOHNWEARN DIRECTLY WITH THE EMAIL GIVEN ABOVE.Regards,Lakoma Island Investments.

Once again, the lottery scam gambit. First, yes, there was a winner of such a jackpot, and yes, they formed a holding company to claim their winnings anonymously. That's pretty much where any truth to this ends. Because this nonsense is not coming from anyone actually representing that winner, who is probably hiding from people they haven't spoken to for twenty years looking to mooch off them. And can you blame them? Would you want to be taking calls from those goofballs you knew in high school suddenly showing up telling you they've got this great idea, and all they need is a six figure investment? Of course not.

No, this is a scammer. Because they're sending this random email out to hundreds of thousands of random emails through "the mail system". Not only that, but "as donation. Not "as a donation", but "as donation." Because that's how someone with a command of the English language would phrase it. 

Our scumbag scammer, who's totally not named John Wearn, gives us a weird email address to reply back to with that totally fake donation code. Because there's no money. Except the four figure "administration fee" that the suckers who actually believe this crap will have to shell out to the scammer. Who will then disappear into the ether.

By which time, the mark will have realized they've been conned, and will have gone to the police, and will be inconsolable and wondering how they're going to get back the money they lost in this whole fiasco. And the police, meanwhile, who have seen all of this before, will shake their heads, and try not to say, "what were you thinking?" As tempting as it may be to do so, because let's face it, this is pretty obvious as scams go, and you really ought to know better.

But by then, the scammer will be long gone, having had left behind a long line of phony email accounts and starting on the next run of scam emails. 

Nice try, jerkoff, but honestly, we are wise to your ways. And you are a complete scumbag. Deep down you know this. Deep down you know that this is why everyone you know hates you, and why none of them will miss you when you're dead.

Not that you'll ever admit to it. 

So why don't you do us a favour? 

Since odds are this crap is coming from someone in one of the former Soviet republics, why don't you apply for work with the Wagner Group? I hear they're looking for hard workers. And trying to fill the position of the boss.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.