Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Sunday, June 18, 2023

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, I must start with the dog's point of view, as he's so easily distracted by so many things.

7:00 AM. Waking up. Slept very well. Looks like the sun is up and out already. It's that time of year. Long days, short nights. But fortunately my quota of sleep time is the same.

7:03 AM. Checking outside, surveying the back lawn. No sign of that evil horrible rotten squirrel, but he must be out there somewhere....

...plotting against me.

7:10 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs to feed me. After all, I can't feed myself, can I? No, of course not. I lack the vital opposable thumbs for that purpose.

7:17 AM. The human finally comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it? Say, any thoughts yet about my breakfast? Just saying. I've barely been up twenty minutes, but it feels like it's been twenty hours since I had a meal. 

7:18 AM. ....and no, scarfing that last slice of pizza last night doesn't count as a meal. That was a snack.

7:20 AM. Watching the human pouring a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.....

7:21 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast. Five seconds off my all time fastest consumption of breakfast.

That was good!

7:25 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:35 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be.

Life is good!

7:46 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:48 AM. After having had made our customary doggie greetings, Spike and I catch up on the news of the day. The weather forecast. The movements of the squirrels. Why cats like catnip.

7:51 AM. Spike notes that even though the days are long and summer is upon us, it won't be that long before we start really noticing that days are getting shorter and we start that long descent back towards winter.

Well Spike, we are Canadian, after all, and winter is part of the whole package.

7:55 AM. Spike promises to keep me up to date when the mailman shows up around his place. I don't know what he's up to, but it can't be good...

8:10 AM. Walking through the woods, sniffing things as I go...

Something ahead in the clearing.

It's that damned squirrel!

8:11 AM. Stalking forward quietly. The squirrel has his back to me. I'm going to get him. I'm actually going to get him this time.

Step on a stick. It snaps. 

The squirrel turns and sees me.

The pursuit begins.

8:12 AM. Circling a tree. The damned squirrel got up it just in time and is now up there taunting me and laughing at me and ridiculing me.

I was this close!

8:28 AM. It's no use. That damned squirrel isn't coming down, no matter now long I stay down here. He's up there watching me and laughing. I might as well go home.

I turn to leave and look back at him.

One of these days, pal... you're going to get what's coming to you.

You hear me? You're gonna get what's coming!!!

8:43 AM. Barking at the back door for the human to let me in.

She obliges me momentarily. 

Human? I hate squirrels.

10:31 AM. The human is having coffee. She's kind enough to give me an oatmeal cookie. 

12:17 PM. Lunch with the human. My patented sad eyes trick has convinced her to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops some stuff off at the mailbox and drives away.

Get lost, you fiend! And never come back!

3:46 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I have successfully persuaded her to give me an oatmeal cookie.

6:29 PM. Dinner with the human. She's given me a plate of ground beef. This is very good, but just a question, why am I also not getting the spaghetti you're eating yours with? Yes, I know it's a sloppy meal, but that was one time.

8:40 PM. Pondering life's greatest mysteries. Why is the sky blue? Are mailmen born evil, or do they develop into evil people over time?

11:29 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. Sleep well.

Fear not, for I'll guard the house well.

In between naps.


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