Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the cat to have her say, like the divinity she is....

7:01 AM. Waking up out of a deep slumber. Slept exceedingly well. Had dreams of catnip as far as the eye could see.

I love catnip.

7:03 AM. Looking outside. Snow falling heavily. Well, they did predict quite a snowfall in the news, and it appears to be happening. My staff already decided to stay in last night instead of going to work today, which suits me. The only issue is that this gives her a reason to sleep in, as opposed to seeing to my breakfast. 

7:06 AM. The flying lunches are out there dashing around the feeders. If there wasn’t a screened window between us and a whole lot of snow to have to negotiate through, I’d be so completely after every last one of you right now.

7:10 AM. Getting impatient. My staff is normally awake at this time of day, but with her working from home today, it seems she’s taking advantage of the chance to sleep in. Well of course this will not do.

7:12 AM. Up on the top landing. Heading into the staff’s bedroom. Well, technically my bedroom, since I own the staff, the house, and everything inside it. But that’s beside the point. Sure enough, she’s still sleeping. We’ll have to remedy that now, won’t we?

7:13 AM. Sitting on the bed, staring at the staff. I shall attempt the purposeful stare for a few minutes or so before moving on to more stringent measures. It often works into willing a lowly human into waking up, after all.

7:19 AM. Okay, then. The staring clearly isn’t working. She’s out to the world. I shall have to take this a step further.

7:20 AM. I have stepped on top of the staff and am now tapping her face with my paw. Come on, staff, get up, time to feed me.

7:21 AM. The staff wakes up, growling. I get off her. Mission accomplished. 

7:27 AM. The staff comes downstairs, grumbling a bit incoherently. I know, staff, that you are not a morning person, but I’ll let you go back to bed and get another hour or two worth of sleep right after you fix my breakfast.

7:29 AM. The staff sets down my breakfast. A bowl of milk and a plate of tuna meet with my approval. The bowl of field rations do not, but such is life. She heads right back off upstairs and I settle down to feast on the tuna and milk.

7:31 AM. Finished breakfast. I shall ignore the field rations. 

7:37 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch, looking outside. I can hear the distant barking of that foul hound from down the road. Stupid dog…

7:42 AM. Watching the weather channel. They’re calling for fifty to seventy centimetres by the time this snowstorm is done. That’ll probably keep my staff from going to work tomorrow too. Which is a good thing. She can spoil me rotten.

7:44 AM. The weather forecaster is stressing in a calm manner not to go out if you don’t have to in this area, as the province is already issuing a closed roads order on some of the highways. Much more reasonably said than when they had that crazy as a loon nutcase who would panic at the first snowflake. I wonder if that guy is enjoying his time in that mental hospital.

8:09 AM. Well, I’ve been up for a good hour now. I think it’s about time to take a nap.

10:14 AM. Waking up from my nap. The staff is sitting in the living room. I look at her, she looks at me. Were you considering waking me up just the same way I woke you up, and thought better of it?

10:21 AM. The staff is having a cup of tea. She’s put some milk on her saucer for me. Very good, staff.

12:08 PM. The staff is having lunch. She’s cut up some chicken for me and has put it on a plate. Now just think, staff, if it wasn’t for that pesky work place you have to go to five days a week, you could be doing this every day of the week.

2:29 PM. Waking up from another nap to find the staff looking out the window. I jump up on the back of the couch and have a look myself. The snow is falling more heavily now. Say, are you sure there’s enough milk in the fridge to last us a couple of days?

3:12 PM. The power briefly goes out, but comes back on again. This could be problematic, should the power go out and stay out for hours. That means the furnace goes out too, and in which case, the only heat we’ve got in the place will be the fireplace. I call dibs on the spot closest, staff. There’s nothinq quite like a fireplace to warm a cat’s belly, after all.

5:02 PM. The staff is engaged in making supper, just in case the power goes out later. I know there’s chicken involved, but she’s working with vegetables too. I suspect soup is going to be the end of all this, in which case she’s welcome to the soup. I just want the chicken.

5:43 PM. Dinner with the staff. She is indeed having soup, but I’ve got a plate of chicken for myself. I approve of this, staff, I really do. Now if you’d cut out pouring me a bowl of field rations every morning, I’d have you perfectly trained.

6:11 PM. The staff is doing the dishes. I’ll leave her to it. She doesn’t need a su-purr-visor for everything.

8:28 PM. Lying in the living room, staring at the fireplace. Pondering the great mysteries of existence. What is the meaning of dogs?

11:13 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff. But do keep the door open. I want to be able to come in and knead on top of you at any time after all, and it is so inconvenient to do so with a closed door.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.