Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, April 18, 2022

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is now time to turn my attention once again to the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, it's the dog who gets the first say, because his attention span is non existent. 

7:05 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels. Nearly got 'em this time.

7:08 AM. A look outside. Looks like it'll be a good day. Time to get out and about and do a little exploring. Places to go, things to sniff, critters to bark at.

But first things first. Breakfast.

7:11 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, I can't make breakfast by myself, because I can't get into the cupboards and the fridge. But that's okay. Because my human will take care of it. Because I'm a good dog. A very good dog.

Just don't believe a thing you hear about me from the mailman, the vet, or that cranky cat down the road.

7:19 AM. The human comes downstairs. I start furiously thumping my tail against the floor as a way of greetings. Good morning, human! Isn't it a great day? Say, have you thought about my breakfast? 

7:21 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles. Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after polishing off breakfast. That was three seconds short of my all time fastest eating breakfast time ever.

7:29 AM. Inquiring with the human as to if she can let me out for a run.

7:30 AM. Out the door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:42 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be. Nothing could possibly go wrong today!

7:51 AM. Sniffing around as I trot through the woods, as carefree as I can be.

7:55 AM. Turning around a corner when I come across a flash of black and white and furry and... oh, no, it's a skunk. No, wait, don't, I'll back off, you don't have to....


7:56 AM. The skunk glares at me after giving me a good spraying. I'm befuddled.

And I stink.

Come on, man!

7:57 AM. The skunk walks away. I'm still standing here. 

Maybe the human won't notice when I get home.

8:03 AM. ...or maybe the best option is to roll around in the stream or in some mud to get rid of the smell. 

I mean, if I go home, she's going to do worse than give me a bath, she'll give me a bath with all the extras. 

I wonder if that includes tomato juice.

8:25 AM. Oh, well, there's nothing for me to do but go home and face the music.

And the hose.

8:46 AM. The human is outside as I approach. She smells me before she sees me and turns around.

Yes, human, I know.

Let's get it done and over with, shall we?

9:10 AM. In the midst of another bath outside courtesy of the human, who is fretting and wondering why I can't avoid run-ins with skunks. Come on, human, this is only the fourth time this has happened. And I didn't see it until it was too late!

11:21 AM. Six baths in a row with more than soap, and the human finally decides I'm clean and the smell's gone. As a ranking expert in smell, I'm inclined to agree. Though I kind of smell like vinegar. 

And then she tells me she's going to give me one more bath just to be sure.

Come on!

12:05 PM. Finally back inside with the human. She's making me some lunch to compensate for the bath torture. And telling me for the thirty eighth time this morning to be careful around skunks.

I know, human, I know....

12:07 PM. Lunch with the human. Ham and cheese sandwiches are good comfort food.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops things off at the mailbox and drives away. Get lost, you evil fiend, and never come back!

3:51 PM. Woke up from a nap just in time for the human to have tea. I've mooched a cookie off her.

6:28 PM. Dinner with the human. She's having pasta and beef. I'm having a plate too. Life is good.

7:34 PM. Watching some television with the human. The answer is Who Is Lassie. Though I don't know why Lassie kept saving Timmy's life. The kid was more trouble than he was worth.

8:39 PM. Pondering the great mysteries of life. Did that skunk decide this morning they were just going to skunk someone, and I was the unlucky sod who got it?

11:41 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human, sleep well. I'll keep an eye on the house. In between sleeps. Sleeps are always important for a good dog. And I am a good dog.

Just don't ask that skunk for his opinion.


  1. I think Lassie should have given up on Timmy too. How many times does a kid have to fall down a well before he remembers it's there??

  2. This is hilarious! Thanks for the morning smiles!

  3. Can't wait to see how the cats are going to fare from you.

  4. I laughed out loud. Love the poodle and Goo goo Gaga and more!

  5. Fabulous but the first photo is for me perfect !

  6. Awe! Can he please avoid the skunks next time? Yikes.

  7. My favorite is the dog refusing the collect call! Shows my age, I guess, but I can sooo relate!

  8. This was fantastic! The first photo is so me. Thanks so much for the smile :D


  9. These are hilarious, William. I hope you're doing OK and not having an bad symptoms. Our 24 hour test was negative. We're retesting on Tuesday.


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