Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, September 10, 2018

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

As I was off for a few weeks from posting here, it has been quite awhile since we've had the point of view of the dog and the cat. I'll make up for it with the first of four posts, starting as always with the perspective of the hound...

7:06 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceptionally well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels through a meadow with absolutely no trees for them to escape up. Unfortunately, the dream ended before I could actually catch one. Oh well, maybe I’ll be able to pick up with it tonight.

7:08 AM. Having a look outside. Brooding skies. Dry at the moment, but it might not stay that way. End of summer kind of weather. Well, we had a pretty dry summer, so we can always use the rain when it comes. Particularly if it creates mud puddles. I love mud puddles.

7:11 AM. Wondering when the human will be downstairs. I’m looking forward to breakfast. It’s tied with lunch and dinner for my favourite meal of the day. 

7:14 AM. Watching outside as birds peck around at the grass on the lawn. I wonder what could possibly be that interesting for them. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, the grass is something you roll around in for no reason at all, or for eating when you feel like throwing up. 

7:17 AM. Sounds from upstairs. The human is up in the shower. So if I’m patient, pretty soon I’m going to be able to get my breakfast. My tail starts thumping. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! Breakfast! I love breakfast!

7:32 AM. The human comes downstairs. I thump my tail in greetings. Hello, human! Fine morning, isn’t it? Say, in case I haven’t mentioned it yet, have you considered making breakfast? I’d do it myself, but I don’t have the opposable thumbs to open pantry doors, and I suspect that instead of just pouring myself a bowl of kibbles from the bag, I’d be eating all of the kibbles.

7:34 AM. Thumping my tail in anticipation as the human pours me a big bowl of kibbles. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy…

7:35 AM. Licking my chops after polishing off this morning’s breakfast. Just seven seconds off my all-time fastest consumption of breakfast time.

7:38 AM. Say, human, if it’s not too much trouble, how about letting me out for a morning run? After all, that gives you plenty of time to eat your breakfast in peace without me giving you the mooching eyes routine.

7:40 AM. The human lets me out the door for my run. See you later, human!

7:46 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Woof woof woof!

8:02 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:04 AM. Spike and I confer on latest sightings of the enemy. The squirrels are busy gathering nuts. I tell you, Spike, sooner or later they’re going to use all those nuts for some nefarious take over the world gambit. I mean, what else could they be stockpiling nuts for? And when that happens, we’re going to have to be ready. Because all that stands between the world and complete squirrel domination are the dogs.

8:07 AM. Spike tells me he was watching the weather forecast inside with his humans earlier. It seems we’re in for some heavy rain and storms today. Maybe we’ll get lucky and lightning will strike the mailman. 

8:13 AM. Bidding farewell to Spike. We promise to keep each other up to date on the movements of the squirrels via the usual barking network, as well as the arrival time of the mailman. Assuming it’s not pouring.

8:19 AM. Splashing about in a mud puddle in the woods, as happy as I can be.

8:26 AM. Having had left the mud puddle behind, I am happily walking along when I notice that I’m passing by the house where that cranky cat lives. I think I’ll go say hello, how do you do, and can I wag my tail?

8:28 AM. Approaching across the grass. Have noticed that the cranky cat is sleeping out on the back deck. Should I bark to alert her? Walk right up in silence and give her a big lick? Or something else?

8:29 AM. After considering my options, I have stopped before the cranky cat. She’s still sleeping. And I’m still damp with water and mud. Me being me and never being able to resist an opportunity, I give myself a good shake. Water and mud go flying. Some of it falls on the cat. She bolts upright. I start sprinting back towards the woods.

8:30 AM. Running for my life, laughing my head off, hearing hisses of outrage behind me. You know, someday this might come back to haunt me.

8:46 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know that I’m back.

8:49 AM. Try as I might, the human caught me before I could get inside and is busy giving me a hose down. To be followed, no doubt, by the Towel of Torment.

9:02 AM. Settling down in the living room for a nap. I circle around precisely three times, and lie down on the floor.

12:11 PM. The human is having lunch. My mooching eyes trick has persuaded her to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:32 PM. Barking my head off at the mailman as he drops off today’s mail. Get lost, you vile fiend!

4:02 PM. Feeling confused. Looking at the time. I have this strange feeling that I’m supposed to be through the day by now, but I’m not. Middle of the afternoon. It feels like someone through the Fourth Wall is telling me that this day isn’t over yet and that there’s a to be continued sort of thing happening.

Oh, come on, that’s nonsense. Life isn’t about to be continued and Fourth Walls and cliffhangers that leave off in the middle of nowhere and…


  1. So much fun! I loved all the memes!

  2. Just the best !
    So many to love but the puppy in the popcorn tub and of course Barney giving a Press Briefing is wonderful.
    I was wondering when the gud dug and bad cat would show up.
    I have missed them.

    cheers, parsnip and badger

  3. No matter what happens, shaking mud on the cat will have been worth it.

  4. Got a good laugh at this! Looking forward to the cat's POV :)

  5. They're baaaaaack--and they've been missed!


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