Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 17, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It's been awhile, but it's time to have the point of view of the dog and the cat and their unique world view. As always, I commence with the dog's gregarious perspective.

7:23 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of chasing squirrels. The infernal menaces that they are.

7:28 AM. Looking out the window. Pleasant weather. Fall colours. Plenty of time to jump and play in fallen leaves. But first: breakfast. Breakfast is always the best start for a good dog’s day. And I am a good dog, right? Of course right. Just as long as we ignore the Slipper Incident. And the Skunk Debacle. Oh, and there’s also that time I knocked the mayor into the pond.

7:31 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, how about some breakfast?

7:33 AM. Wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!

7:36 AM. Out the door for my morning run. See you later, human!

7:41 AM. Running through the back fields, barking at everything, feeling deliriously happy in that way that only a dog can feel. Life is good.

7:55 AM. Stopping in to pay a visit to Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

7:59 AM. Spike and I compare notes on the movement of the enemy, particularly in terms of their consolidation of nut assets as of late. I relate my dream of squirrels. Why is it even in our dreams they seem one step ahead of us, anyway?

8:03 AM. Spike and I discuss Hallowe’en coming up in a couple of weeks. Which is why our humans have bought those big pumpkins for carving. I wonder why they don’t carve a dog’s face into those things as opposed to garish grins and spooky faces. 

8:06 AM. Parting ways with Spike. We agree to keep each other informed on any sightings of the squirrels. And since the mailman passes by his place first before getting to mine, he’ll bark up a storm to let me know the infernal monster is coming.

8:17 AM. Passing by the home of that cranky cat. No sign of her outside. I do see some fallen leaves I wouldn’t mind having a run through. Oh, why not?

8:19 AM. Dashing about through the leaves. Happy as I can be.

8:22 AM. Pausing in my tracks. Motion out of the corner of my eye. I look at the house. And there she is in a second floor window hissing at me. Hello, cat! You should come outside. Lots of fun to play in the leaves. Come on, I’ll chase you and you can chase me right back. Just as long as you promise not to use those claws, okay?

8:24 AM. The cat is expressing her continued disdain for me in a way that would be considered rude in many quarters. And just how do cats give one the middle finger anyway?

8:25 AM. Discretion being the better part of valour (and my impression being that I’ve overstayed my welcome), I depart from the property. The cat is singularly unimpressed with me. I don’t know... what have I ever done to deserve that? Aside from occasionally startling her into wakefulness with a loud barking. But hey, I’m a dog, that’s one of those things we just do.

8:32 AM. Returning home. Human! It is I, Loki! Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Mailmen!

8:34 AM. Admitted into the house after the human has given me a good rub down to confirm that I haven’t been rolling in any puddles. Human, do I look like the sort of dog who would ever do that?

12:03 PM. Waking up from a nap. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of mud puddles.

12:08 PM. Have successfully mooched a dinner roll from the human. Yum yum yum!

1:29 PM. Giving the mailman a serious barking at when he dares to leave items in my human’s mailbox. Hey! Get lost, you fiend!

4:43 PM. Waking up from another nap to the sound of the pantry door open. Hey, could that mean a snack for me? I’d better get my tail wagging in just the right way.

4:45 PM. The human is putting some Hallowe’en candy away on the top shelf. Human? Did you go for a drive without waking me up? And do you really have to put that all the way up there? I mean, we both know that I can’t get into the pantry anyway. Though I suspect this whole story about chocolate not being good for dogs is just a cover so that you get all the chocolate.

6:19 PM. Dinner with the human. Some nice chunks of stewing beef taste really good right about now.

6:33 PM. Supervising the human while she’s doing the dishes. I’d help, really I would, but picking up dishes really isn’t my forte. Aside from with my mouth.

11:03 PM. Watching the late news with the human. Lots of stuff about that election south of the border. That’s still going on? Doesn’t it ever end? Come on, enough already! Human? I suggest sending some of those creepy clowns that have been on the news to break up the impasse. 

11:39 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Fear not, for I will be on extensive guard duty down here all night. No creepy clowns shall pass through the front door. Besides, I’ve got some serious thinking to do. Namely how to break into that pantry and take some Hallowe’en candy for myself.


  1. First and last! The fang sticking out. Wilma does that. It's like her lip gets stuck. It's so darling.

  2. You should really do a dog and cat book, William!

    A couple of these guys look like our dogs, except ours were fatter. And yes, I would give that first dog a big hug!

  3. Scotties rule cats drool !

    cheers, parsnip

  4. @Petrea: it looks so odd!

    @Norma: isn't it cute?

    @Shelly: so do I!

    @Parsnip: hah!

    @Kelly: they're cute.

  5. Loved the Mailman was here. A fun read.

  6. I can't wait to get home and see my dog, even if she has a vendetta against the mailman!

  7. I shall never recover from watching Old Yeller.

  8. Thanks for the morning chuckle. The dog on the pillow in bed hit a little close to home. I hope you are doing well.

  9. LOL!! These are all cute, but the first and last definitely have the spirit of Samuel Jackson. :)


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