Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it's time for the cat's point of view. Your Majestic Grace, we await your every word...

7:36 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of endless fields of catnip.

7:41 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Hello there, staff. Time for breakfast, don’t you think?

7:44 AM. The staff puts down a bowl of milk and a plate of tuna. I look up at her. Staff, are you up to something? Not that I’m complaining, but you usually disappoint me with field rations.

7:45 AM. Enjoying my breakfast. A very welcome meal.

7:51 AM. Gazing out the window. Butterflies flying about around the flowers. No sign of flying lunches.

8:12 AM. I can hear the sound of that annoying mutt barking in the distance. I have no idea what purpose dogs serve in this universe.

8:21 AM. The staff bids me goodbye. Wait a minute, this is the weekend, and you are supposed to cater to my needs and wants! She then adds something about going to see family. Well, in that case... better you go to see them than invite them here. Did I mention I dislike your idiot relations?

8:25 AM. Watching the back yard through the window. I can hear the car pulling out of the driveway outside. I guess I’ll have to keep myself entertained. I wonder if I can find a ball of yarn.

8:31 AM. On the one hand, these screens are nice- they let in the air, the nice smells from outside... but on the other hand, they block me from getting outside just in case a squirrel or a flying lunch wanders by.

8:47 AM. My morning is interrupted by movement at the end of the property, something going through the woods. It’s that stupid dog. And of course he’s seen me.

8:48 AM. Hissing and expressing vehement disapproval of the dog’s existence. 

8:49 AM. Giving the dog the finger. Take that, you foul hound!

8:50 AM. The dog finally wanders off into the woods. I really don’t understand those beasts.

8:58 AM. Spending time on the computer, checking for answers on why dogs exist.

9:31 AM. Well, that’s enough for now. I think it’s time for a nap. Hopefully the staff will be back by the time I wake up.

11:56 AM. Awake again. No sound of the staff- I’m sure I’d have heard her come in. Does this mean I have to put up with two meals today instead of a treat at lunch? She had better be home for supper....

12:01 PM. Honestly, how long does it take to visit idiot relations? You stop in, say hello, have a cup of that reprehensible garbage humans call coffee, and say goodbye. Done. 

12:35 PM. Staring out at the yard. No sign of that foul hound. So much the better.

12:38 PM. Movement catches my eye. A groundhog moving across the lawn. Hey! Did I give you permission to cross my territory?

12:39 PM. The groundhog stares at me with an expression suggesting he could care less. Learn some manners, you oaf! I am a cat! Therefore I am the ultimate lifeform on the planet!

2:21 PM. Still no sign of the staff. Well, I’ve had enough of this. I’m just going to nap in this sun puddle. It would be nice if I was still in the sun puddle when I wake up, but given what I know of science and the passage of the day, that’s not likely. The whole wall would have to be one big window for that to work.

5:17 PM. Woken up by the sound of the staff as she comes in. Where have you been? You’ve been gone far too long, you know.

5:23 PM. Sniffing through the bags the staff has brought in. So she did grocery shopping too. Lots of treats for me, I presume?

6:01 PM. Supervising the staff while she makes dinner. Enjoying the smell of meat.

6:29 PM. Having dinner with the staff.  She’s prepared a plate of beef and a side of milk for me. Very good , staff, very good. This is suitable compensation for being abandoned by you all day.

11:36 PM. The staff bids me good night. Farewell, staff. I shall see you in the morning. If I happen to be howling at three in the morning at the passing opossum outside the window, that won’t bother you, will it?


  1. Kitty vows...if only people took them seriously.
    Jane x

  2. OMG! This is so cute. How long did it take you to compile all these cat photos? I hope you don't mind that I share it with my cat-loving friends.

  3. Love all the kittie pics. Glad kittie got his/her beef and milk. Which reminds me is kittie a girl or a boy?

  4. Love the kitty cookie. I adore almond cookies.

    Somehow I have to love the day in the life of a dog all joy and happiness.
    The cat just bitches all the time. Never happy blah blah blah.

    cheers, parsnip

  5. John McCain may look like Grumpy Cat but what a difference! John only feigns emotion to accompany whatever his opinion is at the moment. Grumpy is one of those genuine souls...

  6. Grumpy Cat's lawyer called. Grumpy takes exception to being compared to John McCain.

  7. @Jane and Chris: people should take kitty vows seriously!

    @Susan: by all means! It takes a couple of weeks to gather these, and they sit in drafts for awhile until I write the posts.

    @Shelly: Kitty is definitely a girl!

    @Parsnip: I love writing her attitude!

    @Lynn: I figured the McCain pic would get some interesting responses!

    @Norma: Grumpy must take exception!

  8. The grumpy cat/McCain image cracked me up! He totally looks like grumpy cat.

  9. The picture about seeing the bottom of the bowl is totally my cat. She makes me fill it or she won't eat it.

  10. Loved the "cat fell into the toilet," "I was pushed," one.

  11. That cat hanging on the window has me laughing!

  12. There are some real gems in this collection. I especially like McCain & Grumpy and the leopard in the box. But they're all good and after our Cleo chewed through Lois' iPhone charger cord last night, the seem very appropriate.

  13. @Auden: poor Grumpy, being compared to him.

    @Kelly: cats will be cats!

    @Mari: thanks!

    @Petrea: it looks like it's thinking, "who, me?"

    @Lowell: thanks!

  14. Ah, that paperwork! Puts 'em to sleep everytime!

  15. Plotting vengeance is what cats do naturally. I know, had one.

  16. Yeah. The paperwork one is me right now. Just wanna take a nap instead!

  17. Oh my, I was in Z reading your gems!!!
    You can renew it every... day!!!!
    Thanks for bringing some laughter into my morning!!!
    Enjoy your sunday :)

  18. Hah! Great collection. The poodle haircut on the cat's too cute :)


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.