“And lo, in that day, when the third member of a clan of trees will seek the office of highest lord of his land (clan of trees? I really need to stop drinking) and the mother bear and her demented partner will be seeking that office, there will come out of the darkness yet another contender. A demon of the Trumpius clan, the Donaldus... a repugnance with false hair and an inflated ego. He will crow and he will scream at the heavens and he will sneer in those days, for lo, it will always have been for him that he is, in a manner of speaking, the hindquarters of a horse. Not literally, mind you, just figuratively.” ~ from The Book Of Arcane Prophecies, Chapter 62
World’s Biggest Ego Announces He’s Running For President; World Laughs At Him
New York (AP) Real estate and casino mogul, television personality, and narcissistic ass Donald Trump announced his bid for the Republican nomination as President of the United States, taking the opportunity to lash out at the President and fellow Republicans, not to mention numerous world countries and America as a whole, all while stroking his own ego and boasting of his accomplishments and self delusionary glory.
Trump, who has absolutely no chances in hell of winning the nomination, joins a crowded field of GOP candidates trying to pass themselves off as the Second Coming of Ronald Reagan. Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, Rick Perry, and the tag team of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are among the candidates trying desperately to evoke a back to the past Father Knows Best mentality. Trump, with his massive ego, rampant xenophobia, and embarrassingly bad hairpiece, joins the fray as the biggest clown yet. He has occasionally mused in the past about running for office, and has regularly used Fox News as his venue to complain about whatever annoyed him on any given day. The multitude of comments have often been fodder to point out his supremely overinflated ego, narcissism, and general stupidity.
“It’s not as if he’s actually going to see this through,” Evan Acheson, a public relations expert remarked after the fact. “We’re talking about a man who craves nothing but attention, the spotlight... he’s addicted to it, and announcing a run at the nomination, even though it’ll go nowhere, it feeds his addiction. Frankly, if everyone just stopped paying attention to the hairline challenged toupee wearing blowhard, he’d curl up into a ball and die of neglect. Granted, that would be a good thing.”
Trump made his announcement at his Fifth Avenue Trump Tower, coming down an escalator to the sounds of ‘Rockin’ In The Free World’, oblivious to the irony of the situation and the song and looking like an old, angry man coming down the mall escalator. The Tower is also home base to his Apprentice reality show, lending yet more credence to the suggestion that this announcement was a circus act yet to be followed by more circus acts. He has billed himself as “the most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far”- yet another example of his rampaging ego.
In a long, rambling speech of rhetorical nonsense and blowhard stupidity, Trump blabbered on about how rich he is, listing off his assets and how great a mogul he thinks he is. He lashed out at Mexicans, the Chinese, Japan, and immigrants, claiming he would make America great again. He spoke about currency manipulation, terrorism in the Middle East, his false boasts of job creation, his excessive wealth, even claiming “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.” He sneered as he noted that his attitude is needed after “losers” running the country.
Trump suggested a massive wall must be built at the Mexican border- and paid for by the Mexicans, and spoke of himself in the third person regarding ISIS. “No one would be tougher on ISIS than Trump.” His supporters applauded. Real reporters rolled their eyes and sighed, imagining that at the very least, late night comedians would be pleased by this, regardless of how long it would last. No doubt until the blowhard got bored and decided he’d had enough.
“We need a truly great leader,” Trump boasted, his every remark self centered, clearly believing himself to be that great leader- after all, the center of the world according to Donald Trump is Donald Trump. Those of us who live in reality know better. And yet for the mogul, there is no such thing as modesty or humility.
“Sadly the American dream is dead,” Trump said with his customary sneer as he finally finished up. “But if I get elected President I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before.” A typical Trump boast- the man has often spoken of his real estate ventures in such terms, as well as his own self belief that he’s the greatest human being on the planet. He seems oblivious to the disregard many, even Republican voters, have for him, let alone his complete failure as a human being to be able to empathize with others. He also seems oblivious to how truly ridiculous he looks with that toupee.
And so the campaign has yet another Republican in the mix, at least until he decides he’s had enough. Gambling houses are taking bets on how long before Trump quits the campaign, or how many gaffes he can make in a single day.
Psychologist Eleanor Warren had her own opinions on the campaign. “You know, I could go into detail about megalomania, his inability to feel empathy, his supremely over developed ego and overwhelming narcissism, his lack of manners and tact, his inability to understand humility and grace, his profound overcompensation for certain shortcomings as a man... but really, in the end, what it all comes down to is that the man is a complete jackass.”
Polls of Republican voters show that over half have a negative view of the mogul. Democrats view him as even worse. White House staff noted that since Trump has been one of the main voices fanning the flames of the “birther” movement that called into question the legitimacy of the President, they look forward to seeing him make a fool of himself repeatedly.
The last word must go to the Almighty, since Trump claimed he’d be the greatest jobs president God ever created. This reporter had a sit-down with God, who as it turns out actually looks a lot like Morgan Freeman. “You know, I have no idea what he’s talking about,” the Almighty remarked. “To be perfectly honest, I think Trump’s an asshole.”