Today happens to be my six hundredth published blog, and I've decided to tackle the bane of many a blogger's existence. Before I get into it, some links to see to. Norma marked International Happiness Day at her blog. Eve looked at the positive side of rejection. Mark faced the prospect of a chocolate lover's worst nightmare. Krisztina explored edible flowers at her blog. Shelly has been looking ahead to the A-Z challenge. Yesterday the Square Dogs had their weekly spotlight. Lucy the cat was in a most precarious place. Lastly, Lynn had some sad news about her dog Rose.
They are all around us. They never give up, never take a hint. In fact, I can predict with certainty that this blog will get attention from the accursed vile fiends. Yes. The spammers. Those buffoons who endlessly send comments that spam handbags, shoes, vacations, insurance, medication, porn, and much, much more, all while butchering the English language. From time to time they ask if I'll let them do a guest blog, or take them on as an apprentice. Other times they'll tell me that some of my comments come from brain dead people.
Generally my spam filters catch these comments from spambots or residents of a far off place like Malaysia, and toss them into the oblivion of spam folders as required. I might get notices in my email about them, but not always. A look at the spam comments will show them, and of late, a lot of them are either Chinese or Japanese. What follows below is copied and pasted verbatim from one such spammer. I defy you to try to figure out their logic.
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I'm back again. Okay, so we have ourselves a spammer who starts off with payday loans, moves into arthritis relief (arthritis is popular???), rambles about site development, lemon juice, and finishing with dressing for the weather. All while it reads like someone ran a foreign language through Google Translate and literally copied and pasted that in without getting the nuances of the English language. Example: an unforeseen rainstorm can abandon your moist and uncomfortable. Oh, sure, that makes sense. It also reads like a multiple personality patient, moving from subject to subject without a second thought.
Note to spammers: I don't like you. My own comment blurb tells you I don't like you. Do I really have to send Dick Cheney after you? Because all I have to say is you're a lawyer, and he'll be fetching Ol'Bessie (that's what he calls his favourite shotgun). You are a vile and despicable pestilence walking the face of the earth and sending out copious amounts of e-crap. You waste perfectly good oxygen. I am not going to publish your comments. I am not going to be your pal. I am not going to answer to that email promising an inheritance of four million dollars from the widow/ daughter/ concubine of the late beloved Reverend/ General/ Secretary Of Corruption Mumbasa Goodfriend of Nigeria.
Do the world a favour, spammers. Hold your breath.
For an hour.