Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Dropping The Spammers Into A Volcano


Today happens to be my six hundredth published blog, and I've decided to tackle the bane of many a blogger's existence. Before I get into it, some links to see to. Norma marked International Happiness Day at her blog. Eve looked at the positive side of rejection. Mark faced the prospect of a chocolate lover's worst nightmare. Krisztina explored edible flowers at her blog. Shelly has been looking ahead to the A-Z challenge. Yesterday the Square Dogs had their weekly spotlight. Lucy the cat was in a most precarious place. Lastly, Lynn had some sad news about her dog Rose.


They are all around us. They never give up, never take a hint. In fact, I can predict with certainty that this blog will get attention from the accursed vile fiends. Yes. The spammers. Those buffoons who endlessly send comments that spam handbags, shoes, vacations, insurance, medication, porn, and much, much more, all while butchering the English language. From time to time they ask if I'll let them do a guest blog, or take them on as an apprentice. Other times they'll tell me that some of my comments come from brain dead people.

Generally my spam filters catch these comments from spambots or residents of a far off place like Malaysia, and toss them into the oblivion of spam folders as required. I might get notices in my email about them, but not always. A look at the spam comments will show them, and of late, a lot of them are either Chinese or Japanese. What follows below is copied and pasted verbatim from one such spammer. I defy you to try to figure out their logic.



Even when you could carefully spending budget your money and then try to preserve up, sometimes there may be an unexpected occurrence that needs cash swiftly. Regardless of whether a car accident happens or maybe your costs is significantly more than standard, who knows once this can take place. Read this write-up for tips on utilizing pay day loans sensibly.

Rheumatoid arthritis is becoming more and more popular! When you notice you have discomfort, irritation, or rigidity about your joint parts, it is essential that you can see your doctor right away! This may be a sign of joint inflammation, and in case that is the case, you want therapy to begin with as quickly as possible. Be sure, additionally you, question your personal doctor what sort of arthritis it really is. This can be beneficial when getting the correct therapy!

  Even though you're working your blog, that doesn't mean that your web site doesn't must seem good. Every single weblog must be pleasing, so spend some time to style a beautiful web site. Most hosts can have web template instruments you can utilize, so make the most from them with the help of eye-catching characteristics that may truly pop when folks see your webpage

Lemon juice is known to support lighten your pearly whites. It is additionally proven to get rid of tarter and oral plaque, that can make teeth seem yellow. You must mix identical levels of warm water and freshly squeezed lemon juice. Utilize this to rinse off the mouth area out prior to scrubbing your pearly whites.

 Even when you have checked out and twice checked the climate forecast, take together an added pair of clothing. The weather conditions forecasters are often completely wrong and an unforeseen rainstorm can abandon your moist and uncomfortable. Dressing up in layers allows you to be prepared for a selection of conditions. You may take items away from as it warms up up and place them again on since the temp falls. If you want to understand something, process it frequently. The greater number of instances you exercise some thing, the more effective recall you will possess. This can be a way of html coding anything into the element of you brain that is mainly responsible for long term memory. If you do not training, the new details will remain to put it briefly-term storage and will also be effortlessly neglected.


I'm back again. Okay, so we have ourselves a spammer who starts off with payday loans, moves into arthritis relief (arthritis is popular???), rambles about site development, lemon juice, and finishing with dressing for the weather. All while it reads like someone ran a foreign language through Google Translate and literally copied and pasted that in without getting the nuances of the English language. Example: an unforeseen rainstorm can abandon your moist and uncomfortable. Oh, sure, that makes sense. It also reads like a multiple personality patient, moving from subject to subject without a second thought.

Note to spammers: I don't like you. My own comment blurb tells you I don't like you. Do I really have to send Dick Cheney after you? Because all I have to say is you're a lawyer, and he'll be fetching Ol'Bessie (that's what he calls his favourite shotgun). You are a vile and despicable pestilence walking the face of the earth and sending out copious amounts of e-crap. You waste perfectly good oxygen. I am not going to publish your comments. I am not going to be your pal. I am not going to answer to that email promising an inheritance of four million dollars from the widow/ daughter/ concubine of the late beloved Reverend/ General/ Secretary Of Corruption Mumbasa Goodfriend of Nigeria. 

Do the world a favour, spammers. Hold your breath.

For an hour.


16 comments:

  1. Ditto your sentiments exactly William.. A pox on spammers :)

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  2. I'm going to start another blog. The title will be $p@mmer$$uck!

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    Replies
    1. @William, I mirror your same sentiments. :) @Norma, I can understand you also wanting to share about this. I might, as well.

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  3. Oh, hey, at least you are getting some "goodie" advice. Yes, my joints are aching. I do know what do to about that, thanks--dumba$$

    I get a few posting on OLDER posts. and my email shows them and I delete them unread. They're stupid. I don't know what they want from us... to look at their blogs? Are they joking? I don't have time to check out other blogs that I don't follow.

    "sigh"

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  4. That is one doosie of a comment! As much as I hate spammers, there are times when I just have to laugh. Who thought that might work in any way? No way am I going to click a link or otherwise do anything but delete?

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  5. @Grace: flesh eating disease on spammers would work nicely.

    @Jane and Chris: they are that.

    @Norma: that's very fitting!

    @Lorelei: they do tend to target older posts... but all posts for me over a month old require clearance as it is.

    @Meradeth: I've been seeing that Scandinavian lettering infiltrating spam lately... I wonder if that's the latest trick they're playing with.

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  6. If I'm going to have a long comment, I'd much rather it be someone ranting mad about my article or whatever material I posted on my blog. I never remove the rants. I haven't had a spammer post to my blog ever since I switched to Google+ comments. I know it's a pain that you have to sign up to comment, but it is a benefit in keeping out the riff raff! :D

    Yeah, I'm with you. Spammers suck. Get a life, find some rice. lol

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  7. But William they are very concerned about your health, financial well being and the beauty of your blog.
    So helpful !

    cheers, parsnip

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  8. I love their way of putting words together. '...who knows once this can take place.' 'Rheumatoid arthritis is becoming more and more popular.' '...your web site doesn't must seem good.'

    I think I like this one best: 'The weather conditions forecasters are often completely wrong and an unforeseen rainstorm can abandon your moist and uncomfortable.'

    Huh?

    Got to admit, there are some laughworthy items here!

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  9. I have YOU coded into my brain and that's good enough for me. Very funny post and Spam cannons and Malaysian airlines might not be enough to rid the planet of spammers. Maybe that Italian cruise ship captain can take them to the edge of the world and let them off somewhere between here and Pluto. BTW, don't really see what the lemon juice guy is aiming for or towards or selling?

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  10. Yeah, you said it! Spammers are at their worse now.

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  11. @April: thanks!

    @Diane: every once in awhile, they say something that's more than worth skewering!

    @Parsnip: I looked at my comments for today, and sure enough... there was a spambot trying to comment on this very post.

    @Cheryl: their butchery of the English language knows no bounds.

    @Eve: paging Captain Schettino...

    @Nas: they never let up.

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  12. Yep. Spammers are bossy booted thugs. Double lemon scented phooey on them.

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  13. I'm with you they could at least learn good English! I hate spammers and especially hackers that steal people's credit card info!

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  14. This is truly a great read for me and definitely be back to read some more.

    www.n8fan.net

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Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.