Time To Crush Their Dreams Again

NHL Prepares For New Season; Die Hard Fans Can't Take A Hint

Toronto (CP) It is that time of year again. Frosty nights are settling in. Leaves are changing. Apple cider is widely available. And the NHL is in pre-season games mode, with the regular season starting in days. Fans who have been hockey deprived since the playoffs (or even earlier, assuming their team even made the playoffs) are eager to once again see their teams in the home rinks play old rivals, while paying outrageous amounts of money for undercooked concession food without a second thought.

And for one team, hope springs eternal, even if that hope leads nowhere. It's been since 1967 since the sad sack Toronto Maple Leafs last won the Stanley Cup, not that you'd expect their fan base to remember. They spend this time of year rationalizing that surely, this year is going to be the year when all of that is erased, when the Cup comes home. They have high hopes, determined to see their boys win the Cup and hockey glory. And each year, in the spring, their hopes are shredded to pieces. Like clockwork, if you think about it.

"It's a mass delusion," sports psychologist Dr. Andrew Eddings remarked. "Leafs Nation wants desperately to believe that this year will be different, that all pieces will fall into place and their team will come home with the Cup. But if you look at team history, you can see that all of the pieces do not fall into place. They stumble and trip and blunder and collapse. Each time shattering the hopes and dreams of their fans, each time devastating them beyond belief. And then after a weekend of grief, bargaining, denial, and excessive drinking, they're right back to the 'next year' stage of insanity. It really is disturbing how people can't see the truth about them."

Bars in Toronto are doing brisk business, even while having to choose between pre-season games and the Blue Jays, who are heading into the baseball playoffs on a high note. But the bars always do brisk business, particularly on those nights when the Leafs blunder into disaster. "Don't tell anyone my name," an unnamed bartender told this reporter. "But the truth is, we're their therapists, the ones telling them it'll all get better someday. All while they put more booze on their tabs. The Leafs losing is great for business. Leafs Nations needs to drink to survive their screw ups."

"This year, baby!" a loud voice rang out as this reporter circulated in the downtown bars. It was the voice of a man who's been banned from being near the Stanley Cup, along with two of his friends, after they tried to hold the Cup hostage several years ago. They claim to be the biggest fans of all of Leafs Nation, which is saying something. "This is our year! Our boys are winning it all!" The man noticed this reporter, and stumbled over. "Hey, I know you, don't I? Yeah, we've talked about the start of the season before, haven't we? Yeah, think so, though last time I might've been more drunk. Anyway, buddy, you can feel it in the air. Leafs are going all the way this year, baby!"

When asked what he would do if certain patterns repeated themselves, he waved it off. "That's all in the past. And we're looking forward. Me and Harry and Jack, we just know that this year is the year. The Leafs bring the Cup home, and the dynasty begins. Cup after Cup after Cup, because that's what Leafs Nation deserves. We live and breathe Leafs adoration, baby! Go Leafs go!"

This reporter broke off, lest his IQ level be lowered just being in proximity to a die hard Leafs fan.

And so it begins. The 2025-2026 NHL season is about to be unleashed, and there is one certainty.

It will end ugly. For the Leafs.