Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, August 17, 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links before getting started. Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday and a movie post. Cheryl had a post. And Ivy had a post.

Now it is time for the cat's point of view. Treat her with the worship and esteem she so richly deserves, or you'll have shredded clothing to deal with.

7:28 AM. Waking up early. Dreamed of chasing a dog up a tree. I really shouldn’t have had that catnip last night... we all know dogs can’t climb trees.


7:36 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Well staff, hello yourself, but don’t you think it’s time you invest some energy into making me some breakfast? Let’s see, what do I want this morning? Lightly sautéed tuna, chilled milk, perhaps some caviar on the side will do nicely...


7:39 AM. Sigh. Field rations. Staff, what am I supposed to do with you?


7:51 AM. Out on the deck. It feels rather cool out this morning. Brooding over the fact that my staff can’t take a hint. 


7:58 AM. Off in the distance there is the sound of that braying hound barking his idiotic head off. Dogs are stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid....


8:05 AM. Back inside. Staff, who allowed the temperature to be this cool this early in the morning? We’re not at frost on the ground status yet, but come on, this is August, and I’m still expecting warm weather. Not too warm, mind you, and certainly not humid, because, hey, let’s face it, I’m not fit to live with during humid weather, but if you ever tell anyone else that, I’ll be shredding cashmere post haste. My point is there’s a chill in the air.


8:12 AM. After great reluctance, I eat some of those infernal field rations.


8:23 AM. Consulting the farmer’s almanac for predictions for the coming months in this vicinity. I am finding myself troubled by the phrase “the mother of all blizzards.”


8:37 AM. Time for a nap. I’ve already been busy this morning, and naps are an essential part of my day.


11:07 AM. Waking up. No sound of the staff... did she sneak out without my hearing and drive off? This is the weekend, by Isis, and she owes me every single second of her time!


11:09 AM. Ah, there’s the staff, reading. Time to jump up on her lap and block the book.


11:10 AM. The staff is dismayed by my sitting on top of her book. I compensate for that by purring loudly. She melts and starts giving me pats and strokes. Works every time.


12:07 PM. On the deck, soaking in the sun. I’d better watch it... if I close my eyes I could end up having a serious nap.


12:31 PM. Off on a walk. I must conduct my rounds and assess the current status of my property and the lands beyond.


12:58 PM. Inspecting the stream in the woods. At least this time of year I can go through it with only getting my paws wet. Not that I even want to get my paws wet, so I won’t be crossing it today.


1:14 PM. Stopping at that farm that annoying mutt lives at. And there he is, glaring at the road for some reason. Maybe he’s finally lost what passes for his brain.


1:17 PM. Keeping an eye on that dog from my position at the treeline. He hasn’t noticed me. He seems agitated. 


1:19 PM. Ah, I see what’s got him so overwrought and annoyed. The mailman is stopping by in his car to deliver the mail. The dog, true to form, is barking his bloody head off as if that’ll stop the mailman from dropping off the mail.


1:20 PM. The mailman drives off. The irritating dog keeps barking. Hey, mutt, has it ever occurred to you that the mailman’s just doing his job?


1:23 PM. Taking my leave of the farm to head home. I will never, ever understand dogs.


1:49 PM. Back home. Greeting the staff with a head bonk to the leg.


2:03 PM. I think nap time is in order. Yes, that would do just nicely.


6:05 PM. Waking up from a nap. I smell supper cooking.


6:24 PM. Having dinner with the staff. Lamb is always a good meal. The staff, for some inexplicable reason, thinks eating kale with her meat is a good thing. 


8:06 PM. Upstairs on a windowsill. Watching the last of the light disappearing in the west. I can’t dismiss this- we’re seeing less and less sunlight by the day. Which also means... fall is coming. And right behind that, winter. I can hear the mental screams of thousands of winter haters.


11:31 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Keep the door open for me. If the fall’s coming sooner instead of later, I might want to burrow under all those blankets. And rub a cold nose against your foot.

15 comments:

  1. Grumpy Cat is a formidable poet.

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  2. The mention of wintery things, TWICE, was only salvaged by the pics.
    Jane x

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  3. Slipping into a coma might be fun for some, I'll pass! lol

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  4. I'm like the cat who isn't lazy! I too participate selectively!

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  5. The, no in the first one, cracked me up.

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  6. @Lynn: indeed!

    @Jane and Chris: but winter is a good thing!

    @Diane: me too!

    @Cheryl: it's a good philosophy.

    @Whisk: thanks!

    @Shelly: thank you!

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  7. Love the first one and the kitty snowman the best.
    Fabulous !

    cheers, parsnip

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  8. Yes, why do they randomly zoom into another room? I've always wondered.

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  9. That "Dog's worst nightmare" is hilarious! I'm not sure if I sent you something about cats and Republicans, but I'll check and if I didn't I'll forward it tonight.

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  10. Loved pause at the end of a clause.

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  11. The Mary Poppins one made me crack up (which maybe I shouldn't admit to). Also, I just emailed you :)

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  12. I suspect Grumpy Cat will one day take over the world!

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  13. The 2nd funniest in my opinion is where the dog blocked the cat on the computer!

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