Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, May 14, 2025

That Old Lawyer Scammer Ploy


They will always be the lowest of the low. They suck the life out of any room they step into, which is a rarity, since they spend 99 percent of their lives in a basement. They infest our blogs with comments that prove they're not reading what you wrote. They send us endless get rich quick scheme emails. I speak of course of that vile subspecies of human otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The internet scammer.

The following made its way into my email recently, from someone claiming to be a lawyer.


Dear Friend,

I am a lawyer by profession here in my country Togo--Lome west Africa, one of my clients from your country used to work with a shell development company here in the republic of TOGO Africa. My client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in an auto crash here in my country. I decided to contact you so that the $10.5M Dollars he left behind in a bank here will be transferred to your bank account immediately.

Best regards,
Barrister Johnson Luther Chamber.


We've seen versions of this before. The random email ending up in junk folders, sent to hundreds of thousands of people with the exact same story. This time the lawyer (note: they're not a real lawyer) tells us a story about his client, the wife, and their daughter in Togo dying in a car crash. Oh, and by the way, there's 10.5 million dollars in cash in a bank account waiting for me if I just answer this email.

Yeah, right.


Because if this was real, and it's not, then no self respecting lawyer would be going out of their way to hand off the money to a complete stranger. No, they'd be too busy siphoning that money into their own accounts, because let's face it, most lawyers cannot be trusted. 

So it's not real, but it has the tell-tales of a classic scam. The sad story of the death of a family in a car crash. The Third World setting. The inexplicably large amount of money for someone from a Third World country.


But these are never real. What's real is the convenient "administrative fee" that some poor schmuck who reads the email and actually believes it goes and pays. A few thousand dollars. Followed by the "lawyer" ghosting him and moving on to send another scam email to hundreds of thousands of people.

Nice try, you sod. But I know better. And I know not to trust anything coming from someone like you.

Since you started this with the story of a car crash, may I recommend the following? Get in your car. Drive and park on a freight railroad track. Take some sleeping pills. And fall asleep. Let nature take its course.

Thursday, May 8, 2025

A Haunting On The Maine Coast


Mysterious Deaths Plague Maine Coast; Spectral Activity Or Serial Killer?

Portland, Maine (AP) It is a landscape with a rich history, tall tales, and dark superstitions, if you pay heed to the old timers sitting outside the small town general stores swapping stories. The coast of Maine has always been a place of the sea, of ghost stories and wild woodlands, of strange sightings and things that go bump in the night. As of late, that appears to be weighing heavily on the minds of people living along the Atlantic coast, where in the last two months, a mysterious series of unexplained deaths have been taking place.


Seventeen people have died in mysterious circumstances. Police have confirmed that in each case, while no physical injury has been inflicted on them- at least by another party- each have been found with an expression in death being one of sheer horror. "As if they'd seen a ghost," Captain George Allen of the Maine State Police said at the scene of the latest death, where a seventy eight year old woman had been found on a beach, having had fallen from a bluff below. "Her injuries appear to have been sustained in the fall, but her face was locked in terror."

She remains unnamed pending notification of family, but she was last seen the prior evening in the local town of Cabot Cove at a library board meeting before being found by a beach walker at dawn. 


In each case of the seventeen dead, all were known to be well liked in their communities. "Who would have wanted to hurt my dad?" teacher Cassandra Tupper said. Her father, Lyle Tupper, was an area doctor who was the first to be found dead, in a similar state, in his backyard in early March. Neighbours had heard an unearthly scream. When Tupper had been found moments later, he was seen to be alone, fallen on the ground, his face locked in horror. No one had been seen to leave the yard, or to enter it. At least not by living eyes. 

A doorbell camera across the street did capture something- but it only raised more questions. Police are tight lipped about it, but one source, speaking anonymously, said, "for a few seconds, this misty shape can be seen emerging from the side laneway, and then disappears off screen. I don't know about you, but I know ghosts when I see one."


A ghost of who, that is the question. Doctor Tupper was a resident of the small town of Cabot Cove. Son of the sheriff. Brother of another sheriff. A well liked doctor, affable and friendly. With not an enemy in the world. No one to speak ill of him in any way. A common thread with the other victims in these cases.

But Cabot Cove has a dark history. 

It was once the home of the world's most prolific serial killer. The murder mystery novelist Jessica Fletcher, who died in a Canadian prison in 2022 after being brought down by the world's crankiest lawman, exposed for having had committed thousands of murders over decades. 


Her final resting place is in Cabot Cove, alongside her late husband- who, ironically, was her first victim. She died on Hallowe'en night, 2022, in solitary confinement after killing another inmate sixty years younger than her. Stories that went around after her conviction indicated that of a deranged, psychopathic, remorseless monster who would speak of eating the heart of the very lawman who arrested her. Her loved ones were shocked by the allegations, the arrest, the conviction, and her ultimate end. Her home in Cabot Cove remains empty, despite being held on the market by her nephew Grady. Not even the bravest children dare to trespass, warning each other what might happen if they do. Stories are shared more and more of a spectral shade wandering the coast, late at night, of an unseen female voice with an English accent speaking about torture.


Local psychic Dru Blaise has her own perspective. "All of the people who have died. I believe they may have been on her to-do list. She knew everyone here. And we were all fooled by her. Is it possible that she meant to kill all of us over time? I don't know. But my dreams have been dark as of late. I see a malevolence in these parts, offering tea with arsenic and an English accent."

Sheriff Angus Tupper, who has spent years since the arrest of Cabot Cove's most famous and infamous resident trying to understand the depth of her depravity, had this to say. "Well, if anyone could claw their way back from hell, it would be her. Which, if you'd asked me twenty years ago, I wouldn't have said so. But I've read her journals, and she was into some serious dark ****. Now, the idea of her also doing in my brother? Where does it end?"


Grady Fletcher, the dimwitted nephew of the murderer, sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I don't get it. She's dead. I'm still trying to accept that my sweet old aunt was this psychopathic monster. But people don't come back from the dead. Ghosts? They're not real. But all the same, I think we've got to play it safe and call in the Ghostbusters on this one."

When told that the Ghostbusters aren't real, Fletcher looked even more confused. "Are you sure?"

Whatever the truth is, residents of the coast, particularly of Cabot Cove, are looking over their shoulders a lot more these days. 


The last word belongs to the lawman who ended her reign of terror. Legendary Mountie Inspector Lars Ulrich was found at his detachment in the Alberta foothills by a group of real reporters. After being assured that the real reporters were well aware that he was not the Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, the inspector appeared to be at ease. "Whatever is happening out there does sound odd. But it doesn't mean it's a ghost."

"Hypothetically, though, if her vengeful spirit clawed its way back from the dead. Should you be worried? She swore eternal revenge against you in particular," this reporter noted.

Ulrich shrugged. "Let me put it to you this way. I don't believe in ghosts. But if ghosts were real, then I wouldn't be scared of them." 

He paused. "But they should be terrified of me."


At this point, there was the sound of footsteps and a raised voice. "Lars! Lars!" The reporters turned, seeing a goofy looking fresh faced guy in an ill fitting suit, followed by a cameraman. The reporters backed off, well too familiar with what the Mountie did to entertainment reporters. "Bobby Burns, Lars, Entertainment Tonight. Good to meet you. Lars, what the whole world wants to know is, what's the truth about the rumours that Metallica is doing an album with Adele?"

Ulrich looked ready to throttle him. "I am not that Lars Ulrich."

Burns looked confused. "Are you sure?"

What happened next wasn't pretty. Ulrich threw one hard left handed punch, sending Burns crashing twenty meters away. And then Ulrich started chasing him, as the entertainment reporter fled. It ended with Burns in a body cast, whimpering over and over about his favourite drummer kicking the crap out of him.

Friday, May 2, 2025

The Case Of The Crypto Spammer

 


They are the worst of the worst. A vile, drooling, unscrupulous lot without morals or integrity. No, not politicians, but even worse. I speak, of course, of that horrid subspecies of humanity we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. Also known as the internet scammer and spammer, who send us random emails promising a get rich scheme, or spam our comments with the same sort of crap. The following came from one of their lot, who used a fake name, fake photo, and claimed to be an accountant.


As an accountant, I'm typically cautious with my finances. However, last year, I felt pressure to join the cryptocurrency market, fearing I'd miss out on potential gains. An Instagram ad for CBEX Trading caught my attention, with its professional website, real-time charts, and promising testimonials. A representative named Elena guided me through the platform, offering a $200 welcome bonus. Convinced by their promises, I invested $87,000 worth of Bitcoins.
But when CBEX's website crashed, and all communication channels were severed, I realized I had been scammed. Devastated and lost, I searched for ways to recover my funds. That's when I discovered Morphohack, a reputable crypto recovery service. Their expertise and track record gave me hope.

Morphohack's team worked diligently to track down my stolen bitcoins and successfully recovered it from the CBEX scam. I'm grateful for their exceptional service and expertise. Thanks to Morphohack, I was able to recover my losses. If you've fallen victim to a CBEX/PCEX Scam, I highly recommend Morphohack's services.


We've seen this crap before. This scam has several variations on the same story, as this halfwit responded to a previous post on cyber scams. He wants me to believe this story (I don't) of miraculously getting money back after losing a five figure sum in crypto-currency. Well, let's make at least one thing perfectly clear- crypto-currency is the sort of rabbit hole I would never go down. Not with the sort of dirtbags who endorse it. 


He weaves his little tale of how he, a cautious accountant, sunk all that money into crypto, only to have it go south on him. And then he touts this company with what he claims to be "reputable". This, despite the fact that the first company to come up with that name leads to a dead end online. So you'll excuse me if I'm not exactly confident of this nonsense in the first place. As well, I've seen it before. For a guy who claims to be an accountant (I doubt this very much), you're really, really stupid.


Nice try.

Honestly, man, what is it about finding a real job that's so hard for you? Why do you insist on being like this? Sending random comments with a fake story, or random emails, promising riches that will never be? This is not a productive use of your time. The vast majority of people see you for what you are.

But since you persist in this crap, let me just leave you with a warning.

Take it seriously.