Spammers And Spam Hiccups

A couple of weeks ago I did a deep purge of one of my email accounts. One that I hadn't opened in... well, it was before Covid. My bad for ignoring an email account and letting it all pile up. In the process of that deep purge, an email caught my eye. The sort of email I like taking apart in detail for posts just like this one. Yes, I speak of course of an email from that rabid, unpleasant species otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. The unfortunately all too common internet scammer. So of course I was going to have to take this one on in full. Because I can't pass on the chance to ridicule them.

                                       

From:
The affiliate office of the:
*International Monetary Fund,
*International Fund Regulatory Board,
*Capital Flight Fund Regulation,
Reliance Bank Limited
London EC3R 8EB,
United Kingdom

                                                          Sub: Payment
approval of GBP£3,150,000.00/

Good day, this is a comprehensive summary as to what have been agreed
on your pending transfer. The hiccup which led to delay of the
transfer of your funds into your account has been rectified in
agreement with the Financial Regulatory Body of the United Kingdom.
You do not have anything to fear or worry at all as the entire paper
work have been concluded and the transfer approval documents have all
been endorsed.

The transfer is approved to be completed into your account in 4 days
so that there will be no further hitches, please, note that the final
payment approval is endorsed in favor of the Reliance Bank as the
accredited bank, therefore, we have received all your payment related
papers to enable us transfer the funds to you. Kindly reply and
confirm if you are still using the same bank account or, furnish your
alternative bank account for immediate processing of the transfer into
your account.
A waiting for your prompt reply and make sure to send your reply to
Mrs. Leanna McEwan on (inforeliancebank@accountant.com).



Faithfully,
Mrs. Leanna McEwan
Head of operation/services &
Commercial Director.
Reliance Bank Limited
Billingsgate, London EC3R 8EB,
United Kingdom
Facsimile +44-155-5559-597
www.reliancebankltd.com

And I'm back. Telltale signs of the internet scammer. An unsolicited email (that is mass spam-emailed to hundreds of thousands of other email addresses) claiming to be from a legitimate organization. They claim they're sending 3,150,000 pounds my way. British currency, not a standard of measurement. They use a curious term for a supposedly on the up and up email- a 'hiccup which led to delay'. How often would you hear the average high-end banker use the term hiccup? Come to think of it, how often do any of us use it? Aside from when we're actually hiccuping?  

And while we're at it, does a banker really write like this? No. This person is attempting to write in a formal way, but the tell-tales of the internet scammer shine through. Punctuation issues crop up throughout, like an excess of commas. Sentences run on when a born speaker of English would break them up. This person refers to the "Financial Regulatory Body" of the United Kingdom. An actual banker in the UK would know what it actually is. I'm not an actual banker, nor am I a Brit, so a quick look up indicates it's something called the Financial Conduct Authority. These are the gang who are supposed to keep an eye on financial providers. Such as the banks.

Whether or not they actually do their jobs is another story.

But I digress. This person, claiming to be one Leanna McEwan (who, apparently, actually does work for the real Reliance Bank) is trying to convince me (and the half a million other email addresses she, he, or it sent this same email to) that funds are about to be transferred to me. Needless to say that's not the real email address of the real Leanna McEwan, but just the start of a long daisy chain of email addresses that will end somewhere in a part of the world with no extradition treaties.

All while the person who started this in the first place does so in the hopes that a handful of the half million email addresses that received this might be in the name of someone who's gullible. Someone who might be dumb enough to pay the couple of grand of 'processing fees' meant to release the aforementioned fortune that's being transferred. A fortune that doesn't actually exist. 

Why do they do it? Do they honestly think I'll bite? I've seen too many of these emails and comments. I know better. And I've pretty much established at this point that I hate, hate, infinity hate internet spammers and scammers.

Give it up, you morons.

It's never going to work.

Because if you keep this up, we'll have to have this guy come and have a word with you.

It won't be pleasant.