Ode To An Unscrupulous Banker

 

We can count them as being oblivious. Their lives consist of random comments and random emails sent to random people, having nothing to do with the subject at all, or passing off some get rich quick scheme. They hope to get positive attention, especially in the latter, as that means some poor rube will be dumb enough to believe their story. They are, of course, that wretched hive of scum and villainy we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following crap came through to my email recently.

My name is François-Andr? Garnier, working with the Societe
Generale Bank in Paris, France. I am contacting you regarding a
late client who passed away without a next of kin and left a
fixed deposit of $57.5 million.

I propose presenting you as the next of kin so the funds can be
claimed.

I will handle all required legal documentation, and the funds
would be shared on a 60/40 basis. The process is expected to be
completed within a few If you are interested, please provide your
full name, address, contact number, and occupation so the
necessary documents can be prepared. If not, kindly disregard
this message.

I will provide more details when I get your response.

Best regards,
François Garnier

I should start out by saying that true to form, the email address provided in the email, which I left out of the copy and paste, is not the same email that sent this garbage. That email was different, and is merely the first in a long series of cut out email addresses leading to some dark corner of the web, perhaps in Russia. And he introduces himself as Francois-Andr?.... error, or hoping to start a trend with names? I'd go with error. It starts off with the formal wording of a supposed banker whose late client left millions unclaimed in their accounts, proposing a partnership that if it was real, would be setting off all sorts of alarms. He wants to split it 60/40 with me as the next of kin.

Oh, right. I'm supposed to believe that someone with fifty seven million dollars didn't have a will. Or a lawyer to advise on preparing a will. Some sort of plan on what to do with all that money upon shuffling off their mortal coil. Right. Uh huh. And I'm supposed to believe that a banker (which this guy is not, whoever actually sent this crap) is willing to do what is at the very least unethical with a complete stranger halfway across the world. Sure.

No, what this is all about is some scammer at the end of a long list of email addresses hoping that of the five hundred thousand random emails he sends this to that someone will be dumb enough to bite and send the inevitable processing fee of a few thousand dollars before they realize they got scammed.

Come on, man. I know better.

What you should do is get tied up to a pole in a place downslope from an erupting volcano.

The Unexpected Totally Fake Scam

 

They are the lowest of the low. They have no real job, no purpose, no direction in life. Nothing but being what they are. They are the scum who send us random comments in our blogs that have nothing to do with the subject. They are the vermin who send us emails with spam and scams, trying to get attention, trying to get someone just gullible enough to do business. I speak, of course, of that wretched horde called homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following crap came to my email recently, but not with the name listed in the included email. No, it was one Nancy Peters. That should be the first hint.

From  : JP  Rodrigue

RE      : Regarding Pending Matters

            (D.M.C) FCA.

Dear Sir,

I am pleased to inform you that I have recently resumed duty as Chairman  Debt Reconciliation Commission. Our responsibility is to reconcile and release all pending and unclaimed funds owed to individuals and companies.

According to our records, an outstanding overdue amount of "seven hundred and fifty thousand USD has been located in an international account registered under your name and email address. These funds are classified as unclaimed and are rightfully due to you.

We have observed that the payment is delayed due to an unauthorized claim. To proceed with the release of these funds, we kindly request the following information for validation:

- Full Name

- Telephone Number  

- Contact Address

This is to enable us to arrange the immediate transfer to your designated financial port.

Please confirm at your earliest convenience so we may proceed

Sincerely,  

JP  Rodrigue

Chairman, Debt Management Commission (D.M.C) FCA.

Oh, sure, right. That's believable. A random email reaches myself and five hundred thousand other email addresses claiming that I'm owed money. From an agency that sounds official but doesn't actually exist. They use the overly formal writing, claiming that I'm owed seven hundred fifty thousand dollars in an international account registered to my name. This is astonishing, because my banking is of course domestic only. They want me to get caught off guard and believe this crap, because if I do, it's only a matter of time before I get caught up in it, and the inevitable "administration fees" are set up.

Of course, I know better. I've seen this crap so many times by now that their methodology is well known to me. So I won't believe any of it. But they're not counting on me. They're counting on the one or two gullible nitwits in that list of five hundred thousand random emails they've sent this to. The nitwits who will actually believe it, and then wonder after losing a few thousand dollars where it all went wrong.

In an ideal world, schmuck, your end would be against one of these fiery grouches. A well deserved end too.

The First Lady ATM Scammer

Sigh. You would think they would wise up that we're onto them. You would think that they would stop their current line of work to find an honest line of work. But no. They won't stop, because this is all they know how to do. They infest our emails with scams that are too good to be true. They send random comments to our blogs to promote themselves. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the lowly subset of human beings we call the internet scammer and spammer. The following line of garbage was sent to my email recently.

It might interest you to know today that we have completed Investigation in the ATM visa card worth us$10.5 million in your name
With Bank of America in New York today and you are hereby approved to receive the Visa Card as assigned to dr. rafiq bengali at fdx courier company as we have Verified the entire transaction to be safe and 100% risk free by the United State of America federal government and white house representatives. If you receive this email in your spam/junk folder mail then move it to your inbox mail before responding to me so I will be able to receive your email.

This message is coming to you from Mrs. Melania Trump. I am writing to inform you about your Bank ATM CARD and your 2025 Rolls Royce Cullinan brought by the white House Washington DC agency and has been mandated to be delivered to your address as soon as you get back to me with your below information.

1. Your full name:=======
3. Your country:=========
4. Your home address:====
2. Your telephone no:====
5. Your nearest airport:==
Your ATM contains the sum of $10.5 million USD.

Send a direct email to me on my private email which is (.....) or reply directly to this email you received.

I will be waiting to hear from you with your full information immediately you receive this good news, thanks and God bless you. Remember to move this message to your inbox mail before you can respond to my email so I can be able to receive your email

Remain Blessed,
Yours faithfully
Her. Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump.

Okay then. First of all, I should mention that the originating email (which is probably the first in a long line of email addresses) had an ip code address for a university in India. There's your first red flag that something about this is horribly wrong.

Second, they are claiming that this is coming from Melania Trump. The First Lady. Also known as the First Lady to pose nude in soft-porn pics with other women, the First Lady who plagiarizes, the First Lady who really doesn't want the job. 

The First Lady who supposedly speaks multiple languages, but for all intents and purposes can't demonstrate that. The First Lady who doesn't read or have any noted cause. Oh, sure. While I admit she's from a family of grifters, this isn't her. This is your typical internet scammer who foists onto a name, tells a story, and misspells things, or capitalizes words (and by extension doesn't capitalize words)- the hallmark of the internet scammer. Just that this time, they decided to make use of the name of the current First Lady, whose work experience consists of soft porn and ignoring actually carrying out any duties of the position she's found herself in.

So we're supposed to believe that this First Lady is spending her time with ATM Visa scams, which is one of those standard scams usually run by someone passing themselves off as a banker. Oh, right. And for good measure she signs herself off as "Her Excellency Mrs. Melania Trump." I get it, MAGA thinks Trump is King, but he's not, and "Excellency" is not a title used either for Dementia Donald or She Who Avoids Her Husband. 

Come on, how stupid do you think we are? I have to stop asking that question, because unfortunately there are a lot of stupid people around, and they keep lowering the bar. I can only speak for myself, that I know better, having had seen too many of these scam emails. But those to whom it might be directed to- the drooling masses of MAGA, for instance- might be dumb enough to believe it. After all, they believe just about anything they're told by their orange master... or Fox News.

To the person who really sent this email, I want you to go watch the First Lady's "documentary." In the same setting as below. And see how long you last.

A Treasury Department Blunder

 

They will never get the point, as obvious as it might be. They will never cease doing what they do. They will write comments into our blogs that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. They will send us spam emails, and scam emails, expecting attention, expecting a response, and hoping beyond hope for the latter that someone is dumb enough to believe their line of nonsense. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as that vile horde of scum we call the internet scammer and spammer. The following line of nonsense was sent to my email recently.

UNITED STATES TREASURY DEPARTMENT
Main Treasury 1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington D.C 20220.USA


Attention,

                         I am Mr Scott K.H Bessent the new Executive
Secretary (United States Treasury Department), while going through all
files I noticed that you have a pending Transaction with the (United
States Treasury Department) which you supposed to have received long
time ago and was not completed due to some reasons and this is why I
have decided to contact you to inform you in person that we are
sincerely sorry for the delay of your payment valued at (Ten Million
Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars). We apologize for any
inconvenience or frustration this might have caused you. The delay was
caused by minor problems with our payment system. While we take full
responsibility for our mistake, I would like to assure you that this was
a one-time error by the previous U.S Department of the Treasury
Executive Secretary, I have already made some reshuffles in the cabinet
to ensure that this does not happen again as the new Executive
Secretary.


We just had a meeting this morning with our Board of Trustee and from
the records of outstanding Beneficiary due for payment with the U.S
Department of the Treasury, your name was discovered as next on the list
of the outstanding Beneficiary who have yet to receive their payments.
We wish to congratulate you that your payment is being processed and
will be issued and signed by me personally as soon as you respond to
this email and abide by the rules and regulations governing this
reputable office. Also note that from the record in our file is
outstanding payment valued (Ten Million Seven Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars). We apologize once again and thank you for your time and
patience.


Your response to this email will be highly appreciated .


Sincerely,
Mr Scott K.H Bessent
Executive Secretary
United States Treasury Department.

So Scott Bessent does exist. He's one of Trump's appointees, which speaks for itself. But he did not send this email. And why would he? A Trump appointee would be too busy enriching himself to be sending random emails to random email accounts. He claims that I have a pending transaction with the Treasury that was mistakenly overlooked. I'm apparently due 10 million 700 thousand (all words capitalized, of course, a standard procedure of the internet scammer. He passes the buck off for this error on the previous administration (oh, sure, right, whatever- the previous administration was not anywhere near as dumb as this administration is, and actually tried doing the bloody job). But then this isn't about the former adminstration. 

No, this is about an internet scammer trying to weave this impossible story and pass himself off as someone who he's not. Because he's not Scott Bessent. That goes without saying. Because the real Scott Bessent is too busy following the orders of his dementia ridden orange boss to have the downtime to be spending random emails. No, this guy is just using this as his latest idiot scheme, hoping someone will be foolish enough to believe it.

Sigh. I really wish these guys would wise up, stop doing this, and find an honest line of work. Because the longer this goes on, the more I feel that there's only one solution to dealing with them.

The South African Crude Oil Scammer

There are three certainties in life- death, taxes, and internet scammers and spammers coming along to annoy you. They do so with random comments that are meaningless in our posts. They employ the old trick of sending the same email to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, hoping to get someone gullible enough to believe them. Science calls them homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. We call them scammers. That's the friendly term. There are others less friendly. This came through my email recently.

Please permit me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Lamar. I earn a living in the oil industry as an independent Feasibility/Project Management Consultant to oil refineries and other oil industries in Southern African, East Africa and some parts of Asia. We are based in Johannesburg RSA. Our mandate includes identifying specific licensed crude oil export/ marketing firms and recommending these firms to the oil refineries for supply of crude oil to the refineries.

On my desk is a mandate from one of the refineries to arrange for crude oil purchase from Libya for up to 2,000,000 barrels on monthly bases for 12 calendar months.

The essence of my reaching out to you is the fact that I am in the process of building a middle man structure to mediate between the 2 parties involved before the contract is signed. You may be wondering why I cannot do it by myself right? The honest fact is that as a consultant to these oil refineries, we are not allowed to act as suppliers of crude oil to them as well, hence the reason I need a trustworthy person outside my work circle in order to maintain a discreet profile.

I wish to extend this partnership to you my friend to build a middle man structure with you, while I work from the back to guide you. Our commission/brokerage as middle persons is between $2 - $3 per barrel as case may be. So if the target of 2M barrels is met monthly we stand to share $4M - $6M every month for a span of 12 months with possible extension.

Worry less about the speedy sales as I have contacts within oil producing country's top officials for license of crude oil export/lifting to any firm I present for this business. Therefore if you can be able to handle this transaction with honesty and integrity, you should come back to me immediately for more details.

PLEASE REPLY ME THROUGH THIS MY PRIVATE EMAIL FOR MORE DETAILS:

Your urgent response is highly needed

Regards.

Jim Lamar

This nitwit spells out his scam, claiming to be in the oil and gas industry, and then having the gall to claim that he's honest. He spins a web of fortunes to be made in a shared partnership with me, what with being an outsider to his industry, with millions each month. First off, this sounds more and more illegal by the minute. Second, the overly formal language and occasional mistakes are hallmarks of the classic internet scammer. So a hard stop to this idea.

Sigh. Well, at least the oil industry is a new one. But everything else is typical internet scammer. Nice try, Jim,  or whoever you really are at the far end of a chain of emails. I just don't believe you. Maybe someone else would, but I don't.

I just envision an ideal world, where you're the guy at the end of this plank. Above shark infested waters.

Fraudulent Bankers And Other Scams

 

It seems that no matter how many times we ignore them, they can't take the hint. We delete their random comments in our blogs, and they keep making them. We keep getting their spam in our email, block them, and yet they come back under another variant email with the same nonsense and crap. I speak, of course, of the vile scum we refer to as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following showed up in my email, not long after the contents of my previous post.

Dear Beneficiary,
I am writing to sincerely apologize for the delay in processing your payment. Our investigation reveals that you have been targeted by fraudulent actors using this project to solicit unlawful fees. These individuals are exploiting innocent participants to steal their money. I understand your disappointment and sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and frustration this has caused.
In view of this development, the Executive Board of the International Monetary Fund has resolved to deliver your payment via  Bank Bonded Courier System, Because bonded courier services can transport everything from documents to diamonds, and many people engage with them to ensure speedy and safe delivery.

Please be advised that a total of ($2,500,000) has been approved as the first tranche payment, with funds scheduled for release shortly. As part of our new Direct Payment Option, you will receive your fund by Bank Bonded Courier within 48hours upon your response. This system offers a secure and efficient alternative to physical checks, ATM card or Wire Transfer. To ensure full transparency regarding this transaction, please note that Customs administrative charges, courier services for processing, handling, and clearing international shipments have been deducted from the total funds. We have deducted $10,000 for expenses, so you will be receiving $2,490,000 instead of $2,500,000. The fund package will be classified as an official diplomatic pouch, secured for transport by a bank-bonded courier.

Please be advised that your fund/package is prepared for shipment. We have engaged a bonded courier to ensure secure transport for this shipment, and a dedicated delegate to accompany the consignment throughout transit. Please confirm you are ready to receive it.
To initiate the process, I kindly request you to provide me with the following information and documents:

    Your full legal name and any preferred name you would like to be addressed by.
    Your current mailing address, contact number, and email address.
    A copy of your government-issued identification (such as a driver’s license or passport).
    Any other supporting documents required as per local laws or regulations.

Once I have received these details, I will begin working on the necessary Customs paperwork to facilitate the delivery of the funds to you as smoothly and efficiently as possible.


I am truly sorry for the inconvenience caused by the delay in payment.

    Warm Regards,

Mr. Abebe Aemro Selassie
Director of the African Department

And once again, a scammer claiming to represent the International Monetary Fund. Claiming that I have been targeted by fraudulent actors is rich, when this person is a fraudulent actor. This idiot has all the usual tell-tales of the internet scammer. The overly formal language, the common mistakes that a person who has English as a first language would pick up on. This nimrod claims that I'm due over two million dollars over the actions of these fraudulent actors, and all I need to provide is my name and various documents to have them facilitate.

Uh huh. What's the worst that could happen? I know better, chump. No doubt I'll be getting this very same email two years down the road, but it won't be believable at any point. Perhaps it's possible someone might buy it and send that inevitable administrative fee directly to you- I know someone in real life who might well be that gullible- but your tactics are known to me.

Listen, if you can't find a way to make an honest living, there's only one way out for you.

Tying you to a stake and leaving you in the path of one of these.