A Scheme Too Ridiculous To Believe

 

They are the damned. They are a pestilence walking the earth in human form. They contribute nothing to society. They never take a hint and go find honest work, or at least to just go away. Their entire standard operating procedure is to infest our blogs with off topic comments, or send thousands of random emails to people with a get rich quick scam. I speak of course, of that vile scum we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following came through to my email recently.

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND
( I.M.F ) HEAD OFFICE
CODE:(2244).
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

ATTN: HONOURABLE CONTRACTOR,

DID YOU AUTHORISED ANYBODY WHO PRESENTED DOCUMENT OF CLAIM, REPORTED
TO HAVE SIGNED BY YOU FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR PART-PAYMENT OF
$10.7MILLION USD ONLY.
RECONFIRM BACK TO ME TO AVOID ANY IRREGULARITIES AS YOUR PAYMENT IS
NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY DRAFT (Based on the instructions
received this morning from the attorney general of the federation).

BASED ON THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISED NOT TO RESPOND TO ANY MAIL OR FAX
CONCERNING YOUR FUND FROM ANY BODY WHO CLAIM TO BE OR YOUR AGENT AS
YOUR DRAFT IS NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY BY THE AUTHORITY
OF THIS OFFICE.

KINDLY RE-CONFIRM TO ME THE FOLLOWINGS:

1) YOUR FULL NAME.
2) YOUR HOME ADDRESS.
3) WHATSAPP NO.
4) COUNTRY/STATE:
5) SCANNED COPY OF INT'L PASSPORT.

YOU ARE WARNED AND ADVISED TO FOLLOW-UP INSTRUCTIONS AS REGARDS TO YOUR FUND.
THE ABOVE IS YOUR PAYMENT, ANY MAIL OR FAXES WITHOUT YOUR TRANSACTION
CODE (2244) ,YOU SHOULD DISREGARDS IT.

Ms.Kristalina Georgieva
Managing Director of the International
Monetary Fund. (I.M.F)(2244)
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

Oh, boy. The IMF scam is an old one. Usually about giving some poor sucker money. This one is dangling money as part of the email scam, but is written in such a way that leaves one doubting that English is their first language (it's not) and thinking that they're angry. All capitalization of multiple words will do that.

If someone were really with the IMF, their grasp of the English language would be much better. While this tries to read as formal, the amount of mistakes turns it into a word salad, perhaps written by someone having a stroke.

It never ends. Because out of the half million random emails they send this crap to, someone out there is dumb enough to look past all the nonsense and the word salad and think themselves, "hey, that could be my big payday." The rest of us know better, and will never respond to this garbage.

Nice try, scumbag. I'd like to run into you sometime.

While driving a tank.

Santa Claus Versus The Abominable Eggnog

It is Christmas Eve (bah, humbug!). I have an image blog for the occasion. Enjoy! 

Sure, That Sounds Legitimate

And so it is. The damned fools can't take a hint. They can't stop doing what they do. No matter how many times they get no replies, no matter how many times they are ridiculed. They continue to carry on with their infernal purpose. They send us these ridiculous emails promising riches and investments and all sorts of wonderful stuff. They post spam comments that have nothing to do with the subject at hand and only prove they weren't paying attention in the first place. I speak, of course, of the cursed lot we know as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the internet scammer and spammer. This came through my email recently.

Hello Friend,

My name is Simon Peters, a lawyer and solicitor by profession here in Lome,Togo.

I am writing to you on behalf of my client, a nationality of your country who lived here in Lome, Republic of Togo in West-Africa  when he was alive.

My client died some years back, he left the sum of Us$ 8.5 Million in one of the banks here in Togo, West-Africa, unfortunately he did not leave any WILL nor address of any of his relatives, and the WILL have an open beneficiary.

I would like to present you as his relative, so you can inherit the money he left behind.

Reply me if you are interested in the inheritance money.

Thanks and best regards.

Barr. Simon Peters
Lome, Republic of Togo.

So this has a lot in common with a scam email I've ridiculed recently- in particular, the location, Lome, Republic of Togo. I wonder if the same person has a handful of variants that he sends out under a number of names. Regardless, he bears all the hallmarks of the standard scammer. The overly formal writing, the grammatical mistakes, like capitalizing words that don't need it, and missing out on the fact that it's US when referring to that figure of money (which is totally fictional), not Us. He proposes a scheme in which he passes me off as the heir to his non-existent dead client of his non-existent law practice, so that I can inherit his money. All 8.5 million of it.

Sure, buddy. Right. That's believable. What could possibly go wrong if I were to email this nitwit and say I'm in?

Not much.

Just everything. 

Yeah, I'd be losing the several thousand dollars of administrative fees that this guy would bring up by the second conversation, and he would disappear into the night, like the scumbag he is. Because he's a scammer, sending this to hundreds of thousands of other people in the vain hope that someone will believe it.

Nice try, numbskull. 

I get it, this is who you are, and you're not going to change, and that's fine. I get that. You're stuck in this rut of scamming people for whatever you can get. But I know better, so move along.

Because sooner or later we're going to have to escalate this and send one of these guys after you. To teach you some manners. Or tear you in half, whatever works for them.

Resolutions We Can Never Keep

 The old year is soon to pass, and a new year is coming. I say that ominously.

At any rate, I have an image blog for the occasion.