A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is time once more for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog gets the first word in on these things, since he is so impatient about everything and gets distracted by the slightest thing.

7:04 AM. Waking up at home. Restless night. Bad dreams of being chased by an angry skunk and facing the consequences.

7:09 AM. Looking outside warily, wondering if there are any skunks out and about.

7:17 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs and see to my breakfast.

7:20 AM. The human comes downstairs. I thump my tail furiously against the floor. Good morning, human! Hey, have you put any thought into my breakfast?

7:23 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles. 

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:24 AM. Have polished off breakfast, seven seconds short of my all time fastest devouring of the first meal of the day.

That was good!

7:30 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run.

7:32 AM. The human opens the back door. Out of the air conditioning and into the morning heat again.

How long is this heat wave supposed to last again? Better take it as a walk instead of a run. And stop by that creek in the woods.

7:43 AM. On my way through the back fields, barking my head off at the heat.

7:57 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Top of the morning to you, Spike!

7:59 AM. Spike and I discuss the important matters in life. The hidden agenda of the squirrels. What the mailman is really after. What type of bone is best for chewing.

8:06 AM. Spike and I talk about the ongoing heat wave. He's heard that it should break tonight with a storm. I hope so, Spike, I like cooler weather. Not sure if I appreciate having to deal with lightning, though.

8:08 AM. Spike's human calls him inside. I bid him farewell for the day. Have a good one, Spike.

8:23 AM. Pausing at the creek in the woods and seeing to my thirst. Cold water is very welcome right about now.

8:45 AM. Returning home, barking to let the human know I'm back.

8:46 AM. The human has let me in. And I'll have you know that I was good enough not to go splashing about in the creek.

I thought about it....

10:33 AM. Mooching a cookie from the human while she has her morning coffee.

12:10 PM. The human is having lunch. I use my patented sad eyes look to convince her to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. The mailman passes by on the road below without dropping anything off at the mailbox. Let's make that a habit, you fiend.

6:25 PM. Dinner with the human. She's made macaroni and meat, and has given me a plate for myself.

This is good!

8:47 PM. Startled out of my reverie by the crack of thunder.

Okay, Loki, calm down. It's outside. It can't hurt you.

8:55 PM. Barking at the lightning, warning it who's boss.

9:03 AM. More lightning, and the sound of rain outside. 

Human? If you need me, I'll be down in the basement rec room, taking up my post behind the couch.

11:45 PM. The human has gone off to bed. The rain continues outside, but the lightning has ended. I hope the human keeps her door open, because if we get more of it in the night, I am totally racing up there and hiding under the bed.

Banks, Scams, And My Lack Of Scruples

They are a plague upon humanity, all while being human themselves. Or as close to, one supposes. They send random emails to hundreds of thousands of people, hoping someone is dumb enough to believe their claim. They write comments that are off topic in our blogs to draw attention to their meaningless crap, particularly the same four form comments that prove they're not even reading what you wrote (Rajani Rehana, I'm looking at you). I speak of course, of the vile sub species of humanity otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following came through to my email, claiming to be from a British banker.

Dear friend,

My name is David Oldfield. I am from the United Kingdom,  Auditor, Head of Computing department  of (Lloyds Bank Plc UK) here in our branch UK, I am 55 years of age, happily married.

I want you to also know that before I contacted you, I had already prayed for an honest partner who will not betray me at the end of the transaction. I know I haven't met you in person, but I do want to do this business with you.

The main reason why I contacted you and ask for your assistance in this transaction is the fact that this money belongs to a foreign customer from USA who died without a next of kin to claim his amount of £35,500,000.00 (Thirty Five Million, Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds Sterling) in his bank account with us. And this money will be claimed by the Corrupt officials if no one comes forward to claim it in less than (2) months time from now. I don't want this money to go to the corrupt people, because if they claims this money it they will share it among themselves, While there are one million and one people out there who are unemployed and are in need of employment, so I strongly believe that we can open up companies with revenues of this transaction and create some job opportunities to better the life of others who are in need in our society today. I think this is a better idea than to allow these greedy politicians to share this money among themselves.

I want to present you as the Beneficiary to the funds(35,500,000 pounds) and We shall procure all the vital documents needed to release the funds to your bank account under a legitimate arrangement. I would like to inform you that I need a serious and honest person to transact this business with me, I do not want anything to go wrong. However, I promise you my utmost trust and confidentiality throughout the course of this transfer and I expect the same from you.

I will send you more details if you show you're interested in partnering with me.

Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.


NB: I occupy a very sensitive position in my office so nothing will go wrong. This transaction is very safe and 100% risk free, THIS TRANSACTION MUST BE KEPT AS A TOP SECRET.

Best Regards.
Dr. David Oldfield.

So, first things first. There is a David Oldfield, associated with Lloyds of London, who earlier this year was honoured as an Officer of the Order of the British Empire. Big kudos to him, and sufficed to say, he's not the guy who sent this. Because, for starters, a guy like that would be far too busy to be doing this, he'd use his actual email address, and he'd be able to properly express himself in English.

No, this is someone who's hijacked the real David Oldfield's name, an internet scammer for whom English is a second or third language, and for whom the emphasis seems to be 'come across overly formal in writing' while overlooking grammar issues like capitalizing words that don't need it, or misspelling and clumsy wording (they claims this money it they will share it) .

They present the story of an astonishing thirty five million pounds that has been sitting in a bank account there for years, and claim to want to divide it up with me so that the 'corrupt people' don't get their greedy mitts on it. They say they want an honest partner in doing good works, someone who won't betray them.

Well, guess what?

If this were real (it's not, because this is a scam probably originating from some dark warehouse in Russia), I would totally screw you over. I would see no issue with doing that, taking you for everything you've got. 

Because that's what you do to the poor suckers who believe you, and who send you a few thousand dollars in a processing fee, and then never hear from you again.

Yeah, I'd definitely stab you in the back. Cheerfully so.

Nice try. Keep at it, and we're going to have to go all in on how to deal with you.

We're going to have to lock you in a room with this guy singing until you break. I imagine it'll happen within six hours.

Star Spangled Calamities And Fireworks

Today is the Fourth of July. I have an image blog for the occasion. Enjoy!