The Old International Monetary Fund Scam

They are a vile lot, to say the least. They are the sort of scum who pass their time sending random emails with spam and scams to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses. They post spam comments on blogs that have nothing to do with the post, and show that they never bothered to read the post. They are otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, aka the internet scammer and spammer. And they never learn. Despite how much we might ridicule them for their stupidity. The following came through to my email recently.

Dear email owner,

Your email address was chosen at random to receive a Compensation Fund of ATM Visa Card worth $4.5Million dollars. Please we want to confirm if your email address is valid, contact our information dept {adboqm@att.net} to confirm your email address is valid and also for further information on how you can receive your Compensation Fund.

Thanks,
Mrs. Kristalina Georgieva
International Monetary Fund (IMF)

Me again. I've seen this crap before. So have you. It's an endless nuisance. This one employs the old International Monetary Fund scam. They claim to be with the IMF (they're not). They employ the standard bait of millions of dollars for the poor sucker dumb enough to believe this. They make the usual point of using both the $ symbol and the word dollars after the figure, 4.5 million. 

Because of course, that's what the IMF is going to do. Randomly choose people to hand money out to. Not.

No, that's not how they operate. But how this moron operates is dangling in a dummy with irresistible bait, getting them to pay an 'administrative fee' of a few thousand dollars (preferably in gift cards or your bank account password), and then disappearing like a ghost, forever, leaving the dummy scratching their heads and wondering where it all went wrong. 'Maybe he'll call back,' they assure themselves.

Nice try. Really, old sport, but no, I'm not dumb. Go try it on one of the handful of rubes dumb enough to believe you on that list of half a million random emails you sent this to.

Or do yourself a favour. Go find this guy in Middle Earth. The big greedy one.

And slap him upside the snout. Just to see what happens.

Trust me, what could possibly go wrong?

Closed Coffins And A Disastrous Demise

It's been awhile since I've done a eulogy blog. Needless to say, don't ask me to do a eulogy or a wedding speech. It'll probably end up like this.

“Thank you, Reverend Warbeck, for that kind introduction. Dear friends. Thank you all for coming out on this day for such a sad occasion. We mark the passing of a dear husband, father, son, brother, and friend. We mourn today for Charles. I was asked by Gwen to do the eulogy, given that I knew him even longer than she had. Gwen, I’ll try to do my best.

When we think of people dying, of funerals, of sad occasions, we think of people who have lived a long, productive life and who have died peacefully in their sleep. Like my dear grandfather George. He went in his sleep, not screaming in terror as I imagine the passengers in his car must have been doing.

We don’t think of those who have died in the prime of life.

Forty two? You’ve still got so much living left to be done.

And yet Charles left this world at the age of forty two.

It all makes you think of the fact- we’re all mortal, after all.

Some of you have memories of the first time you met Charles. The first time I met him was back in our Oxford days. We were both studying the law. Ended up in some of the same law classes, including one particularly boring one taught by Professor Entwick on tort law. Let me tell you this, if it’s possible to bore someone to death, Old Man Entwick could have done it. I swear, tort law is dull as you can imagine to begin with, but listening to his lectures was more boring than watching paint dry... oh, hello there, Professor Entwick. I hadn’t realized you were still among the living.

Well, Charles and I managed to muddle through all that, and somehow passed that course. By the way, Professor, I don’t imagine you can retroactively fail me after twenty years for that whole boring remark? No? Good.

We became friends. Got on well together. Chased girls, went drinking on the weekends, played rugby, somehow got through and got our degrees. He went off to London. Me, being a proud Scot... I went to Edinburgh. We got ourselves established in the law, set up practices, built up our own reputations, stayed in touch. You know, I somehow wonder... if I’d gone to London too, well, aside from the whole would I have met my wife conundrum... oh, don’t worry, dear, it’s a hypothetical, and I’m sure you and I would have met anyway.

That’s beside the point. What I wonder, given what happened... might I have died too?

We’ve all seen the news stories that came out. The death tolls. The horror and destruction that was brought across London. Those of us who were safely out of the path of damage, we looked on in horror and disbelief at what was happening. We thought of those we knew in London, hoped they were safe, among all that.

Well, for one dear friend to all of us, he wasn’t safe.

Charles didn’t get home that night.

Instead he ended up crushed in his BMW by the foot of what can pretty much be called a giant dinosaur.

Who’d have seen it coming? I mean, we all knew he was out there, of course, somewhere in the vastness of the oceans, but usually he attacks places like Tokyo, or New York, or maybe the American west coast. Usually he picks fights with giant monsters somewhere else. But not in Britain. Not in London.

Why did Godzilla have to come here?

And more to the point, why did he have to stomp Charles and his BMW into a fine paste?

And as an aside, how much of what’s in that coffin before us contains bits of the BMW?

Well, we all saw the news stories. There were strange reports in the North Sea of freighters being attacked by something big in the water. Or some things, as it turned out. And then, before we knew it, they were crashing out of the ocean and into the Thames. That gigantic lizard we all know and fear, of course. Godzilla. He was there. And flying through the air attacking him? Rodan. And Mothra. And King Ghidorah. Which reminds me... who names these things?

So there they all were, fighting their way up the Thames. The government’s sending in the military, calling for help. Hundreds of thousands of people evacuating. London in a panic. Somehow King Kong got involved. I mean, I thought that big ape lived on the other side of the planet. How did he get off Skull Island?

You know, if Charles had been just a few minutes faster getting out of the office, none of this might have happened. I’m not talking about the death toll in the thousands... I mean, one lawyer leaving his office a bit quicker wouldn’t have prevented the large scale destruction we’ve seen thanks to five oversized monsters kicking the crap out of each other. I’m sorry, Reverend Warbeck, I shouldn’t have said crap, not in a church. To be more precise, kicking the hell out of each other. Was that the wrong word too?

If he’d only turned right instead of left, perhaps he’d have avoided his fate. Perhaps he’d be home right now with Gwen and the children, or we’d all be attending another funeral. I hear that Alister Hodges is having his funeral as we speak, but hey, we all know Alister, and I can say with confidence that none of us will miss him, am I right?

No, instead there he was, amid all the destruction, trying to drive away among the chaos. The oversized beasts were busy destroying the Shard, and to be perfectly honest, none of us are really going to miss that architectural abomination, are we?

At least they left some of the real landmarks alone. Though unfortunately London Bridge really did fall down.

That’s not really the point. Sorry, I tend to get sidetracked, particularly when ministers are starting to look impatient and annoyed with me. Sorry, Reverend, won’t happen again, I promise.

Anyway, there was Charles, driving through traffic gridlock. I can’t imagine what he was thinking in that last moment of his life. Maybe he was glancing in the rear view mirror looking at all the carnage and destruction behind him. Maybe he was cursing himself for not leaving sooner. Maybe he was wondering what that giant shadow was that seemed to be descending all around him in the last two seconds of his life.

Well, we know from the footprint left behind that it was Godzilla that stomped Charles, his car, that bus, and the three orphans into strawberry jam. I shouldn’t have used that visual. Sorry. I don’t usually get asked to do eulogies. And after this, I probably never will be asked again.

At least it was quick. Charles didn’t suffer. Unlike that poor bastard who was just caught at the edge of the whole thing and ended up having his legs crushed into paper sized width. I imagine the rest of his life will be pure agony.

Needless to say, there’s been a lot of heartache. A lot of grief. A lot of terror. But we will carry on. We’re British. It’s like the signs say: keep calm and carry on. Fortunately for all of us, those monsters are gone, and they’re not coming back.

It’s a good thing the government brought in some outside help. They summoned the only person on the planet Godzilla was scared of.

They called in Lars Ulrich.

It turned out that the world’s grouchiest lawman was on vacation in Ireland, and the government called for help. One parachute drop into the city later, he was kicking monster ass all around, making every single one of them cry. Particularly after Rodan asked why the drummer from Metallica had parachuted into their fight.

Well, that’s all fine and good. The monsters got throttled, beaten up, and bloodied. They all beat hasty retreats back into the ocean. The grouchy Mountie went back to his vacation after knocking out Piers Morgan, and all Piers did was ask where the rest of Metallica was. But the damage is left behind. Our dear friend Charles is gone, and he’s not coming back. All we can do is mourn for him.

And we must wonder if, by chance, some bit of those three orphans or those bus passengers or that poor bastard's legs are currently lingering in that coffin with what’s left of Charles.”

Five Armies Sit Down For High Stakes Poker

"If more of us valued home above gold, it would be a merrier world." ~ Thorin

"You have but one question to answer: how shall this day end?" ~ Gandalf

"When faced with death, what can anyone do?" Bilbo Baggins

Peter Jackson brings his trilogy adaptation of The Hobbit to a conclusion in a big way with The Battle Of The Five Armies, a brisk but sprawling epic that closes the book on the saga but points the way forward to The Lord Of The Rings. For those of us who have loved to spend this amount of time in Middle Earth, it's a final chapter (unless Jackson decides to take on something like The Silmarillion down the line) for the saga. The film concentrates on the epic scale of forces moving against each other in Middle Earth, while emphasizing character in the relationships between the main character, weaving in themes of good, evil, ambition, greed, loss, integrity, and decency.

The film picks up right where The Desolation of Smaug, with the vengeful dragon Smaug (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch)laying waste to Laketown. Bard (Luke Evans) is all that seems to stand in his way, and of course must have his heroic moment. In the aftermath, the dwarves who have made it into the mountain with Bilbo (Martin Freeman) find themselves concerned about their leader Thorin (Richard Armitage), who's showing more signs of the greed that consumed his grandfather and father's mental states in one way or another. Thorin is obsessed with the missing arkenstone, seeking it out, and not quite acting like himself.

Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) have survived Laketown's decimation to see another day, as have the other dwarves that remained there during the second chapter. We also catch up with Gandalf (Ian McKellan), who was in peril at the hands of the Necromancer, aka Sauron, when we last saw him. Friends in the White Council (including one who will come back to betray him a few decades down the line) intervene forcefully on his behalf. All's still not well, though, in the heart of Middle Earth, as dwarves, elves, men, and orcs all find themselves drawn into battle (this tends to happen on Middle Earth a lot). 

By this point in the game, Peter Jackson knows Middle Earth as well as anyone, having had spent a considerable amount of time adapting various source material into two sprawling trilogies. He has a hand in the screenplay, along with collaborators Phillippa Boyens and Fran Walsh, and Guillermo Del Toro, who had once been attached to direct the follow up adaptation of The Hobbit. In this case, The Battle Of The Five Armies moves along at a brisk pace, more so than the first two chapters of the trilogy. It's a dark chapter, though, particularly in how it conveys the madness that overtakes the mind when greed enters the equation. And it's a poignant, heartbreaking chapter, with not everyone getting out of this alive (this is Middle Earth, after all, and we'd expect people we care about to die). It gives us closure to the story while leading us right back to where we started in 2001 in The Fellowship Of The Rings: the reunion of two old friends.

Jackson and his crew have made Middle Earth come alive yet again through multiple techniques: set, props, and costume detail feel very much of that fantasy realm. The landscapes of New Zealand suit Tolkien's world very well, and that certainly is taken advantage of by Jackson, giving us a familiar location but also one that feels otherworldly and dangerous. The look of dwarves and elves is paid such close detail, and the same applies to the Orcs, all of whom have such unique looks. I can only imagine how long the makeup process for some of them would have taken. The camerawork, of course, is signature Jackson style, able to give us the epic scale of the story, but also emphasizing the individual as he has before. I never get lost in the film; the camerawork by his cinematographers helps that along. I might suggest, however, to see this one in 2D. That's my personal aversion to 3D speaking.

When needed, CGI does what it's supposed to in giving us armies counted in the thousands, or the dire threat of Ringwraiths (after all these years, those things are still creepy) and their master Sauron. Not to mention the scale of destruction of Smaug's revenge unleashed is very impressively rendered by the special effects crew. Another essential member of the crew (at least from my point of view) is composer Howard Shore, who brings us the last score from Middle Earth with a rich variety of themes, touching on the epic and colossal while giving us the intensely personal, poignant, and intimate in his score. He even brings in a cast member from the previous trilogy, Billy Boyd, who played Peregrin Took, to sing over the end credits.

The cast is as before, astounding in their roles. He with the strange name and much sex appeal (otherwise known as Benedict Cumberbatch) once again gets double duty voicing the malevolent dragon Smaug and the Necromancer otherwise known as Sauron. Cumberbatch infuses both voice roles with a menacing undertone of malice. They're very different characters, but there's nothing remotely decent in either, and that's what he plays to. Lee Pace returns as the elvish king Thranduil, father of Legolas, and he gives the role a somewhat unhinged, not terribly likable quality. There's greed in this elf king, and an opportunistic streak, but that's what makes him work so well as a character. 

Luke Evans returns again as Bard, the hero who steps up to the occasion among the residents of Laketown. His portrayal of the part continues to be that of a man of principle, whose first priority is his family, and finding himself placed into a position of responsibility. Evans plays the role with authority, acting decisively and moving forward with great courage. Ian Holm returns in a closing coda as the older Bilbo Baggins, and it's a treat to see him cantankerous yet still full of mischief. Orlando Bloom still looks ageless as Legolas, brought into the trilogy by the screenwriters, and still as deadly a fighter as ever. He plays the role as an elf chafing at the bit, torn between duty to his father and doing what he sees as the right thing to do. Evangeline Lilly is radiant as Tauriel, created for the trilogy but fitting right in. There's a real connection between she and the dwarf Kili (Aidan Turner), and it comes across in how the two bond and banter with each other. 

Christopher Lee returns as Saruman, decades before his betrayal in The Lord Of The Rings, and what strikes me first is how this actor, past ninety now, still handles himself very well physically in action scenes. He gives the wizard a sense of authority and directness- we still get the sense of not wanting to cross this man. There are hints in his performance of what's to come, and Lee seems to relish playing the role. We know not to trust him, but we find him compelling nonetheless. Sylvester McCoy returns as the wizard Radogast again. He's a comic relief sort of character- more than once he earns laughter- and he plays the role of the nature loving magician as somewhat unhinged, but in a good way. Hugo Weaving also returns as the elf king Elrond, once again playing the role with authority and force, and this time getting right into the action. And it's a treat to see Cate Blanchett return as the ethereal Galadriel of the elves, enigmatic in her speech but bold and decisive in her actions. There's a great strength in the character, and Blanchett plays to that in her performance.

As is before, it's hard to keep track of the dwarves- at least their names. With rhyming names all over the place, you need a score card to keep track of them all. However, each actor has a very distinct look, and plays their roles in unique ways that set them all apart in just the right way. Aside from Armitage and Turner returning as Thorin and Kili, the rest of the company return. Ken Stott, James Nesbitt, Dean O'Gormlan, Jed Brophy, John Callen, Adam Brown, Graham McTavish, Mark Hadlow, Peter Hambleton, Stephen Hunter, and William Kirchner all reprise their roles. Ken Stott certainly stands out as Balin, the wisest of the company, a steady presence for Thorin, and he sees the sickness of greed infect his friend. There's a poignancy in the character, and a sadness. Turner's take on Kili is also a standout among the dwarves. He's a charming fellow, and dashing, but there's a longing for home in the character... and a longing for that fetching elf maiden who's caught his eye. Turner has such good chemistry with Evangeline Lilly that we like the two of them together.

It is refreshing to see McKellan back as Gandalf one last time. He fits the role of the wise wizard so well, giving the character the gravitas needed. There's a sharpness to his portrayal, but also a decisiveness and inner strength. His Gandalf is a man of integrity, and that comes across throughout his performance. It has been a great character for the actor to play, and McKellan fits it so well. Richard Armitage has really made himself a reputation playing Thorin through these films. He is a bold leader, courageous even to the point of recklessness. We see here for a time the character take a different turn, consumed by greed that overrules everything- there are shades of the older Bilbo or Smeagol in that greed, or perhaps a bit of Boromir in that lust for his treasure. And yet that dark place he descends into is not the end of him, and Armitage plays the dwarf leader with great authority.

Martin Freeman was the perfect choice for the young Bilbo. We can believe that he'll one day age into Ian Holm, not only physically but in his character. He's been on a journey through these films, and the character has changed throughout. Where he started out as a hobbit happy at home and content in his life, awkward and out of place in a company of dwarves, he's moved beyond that. He's proven himself courageous, resourceful, and bold, a quick thinker and a sharp wit. Freeman's played the role in such a compelling way that we take his side, feel loyal to him. It's a terrific way to cap off the character, and set the stage for where he goes next. 

So is this really the end of the line for Jackson's forays into Middle Earth? If so, it's quite a way to wrap things up... by bringing us back to where we started. There's heartbreak and loss along the way, but also the forging of bonds, the breakthrough of personal strength. And the inherent decency of a hobbit, the unlikeliest hero of all. 

A Hobbit, A Dwarf, And A Dragon Walk Into A Bar...

First, some links to see to today. Norma has a Snippet Sunday post at her blog. And there's a Snippet Sunday post at our joint blog as well. And take a look at what two incorrigible dogs are up to at Shelly's blog.

Now then, it's another movie review today, and in this case, it's for one just out in cinemas near you. Go see it. Though if you've got profound fears of spiders, heights, giant monstrous reptiles, or Orlando Bloom's aim, you might have a problem.

"If this is to end in fire, we all burn together." ~ Thorin Oakenshield

"Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers." ~ Kili

"Or nothing." ~ Tauriel

"I am king under the mountain!" ~ Smaug

The second film to emerge from The Hobbit novel by Tolkien is now out in theatres. Director Peter Jackson, in the process of a trilogy that turns what was a children's book into an eight hour plus three part epic, gives us a tense, whirlwind ride in this middle chapter entitled The Desolation Of Smaug, adapting the story, adding in material from Tolkien's appendixes, and other elements along the way as thirteen dwarves, one hobbit, and a wizard continue to navigate their way along the paths of Middle Earth towards fulfilling their quest. Jackson gets his cameo out of the way quickly in a blink and you'll miss it opening walk by set in the village of Bree, twelve months earlier, when Gandalf (Ian McKellan) first meets Thorin (Richard Armitage). Then we move to the present day action, where our company of dwarves, Gandalf, and Bilbo (Martin Freeman) are on the move, being pursued by the orcs under the command of the loathsome Azog the Defiler (as is the case with orcs, Azog is a really ugly brute, and I know, I'm going to get complaints from the Orc Defamation Society for that). 

Their journey takes the company through the dark wildness of Mirkwood Forest, to the human settlement of Lake-town, and to the Lonely Mountain, where their old kingdom of Erabor is currently under occupation by the dragon Smaug. Along the way they encounter elves, giant spiders, and men. There is a familiar face from  Lord of The Rings, Legolas (Orlando Bloom), and we get more of a sense of his father King Thranduil (Lee Pace) who appeared briefly in the first film. We also meet a non-Tolkien creation, Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly), a woodland elf maiden and fierce warrior. And there are other additions from the Tolkien side of things: Bard the man from Lake-town, played by Luke Evans, and a brief appearance by a shapeshifter named Beorn (Mikael Persbrandt), a man who can change into a fierce bear. The path takes the company in different directions at times, most notably Gandalf following his own road in pursuit of a dark threat, but ultimately the lion's share of the group find themselves in a confrontation with their ultimate enemy, the very fearsome dragon Smaug, who we've seen briefly in the first film but who makes himself very much known here.

Jackson, his crew, and the special effects teams are all back in top form with this one. This includes Andy Serkis (otherwise best known as Gollum, but who has taken on the job of second unit director with these films). Serkis, who's made a career of motion capture performances, also gave tips to Benedict Cumberbatch on the style for his own work, as some of his performance as Smaug the Dragon involved motion capture. It seems Cumberbatch watched reptiles in preparation for that part of his role, and his performance (more on that in a bit) is matched well with the CGI work on the dragon from the crew. When we see him in a vast cavern filled with enormous amounts of coins, jewels, and wealth, and as the dragon stalks our heroes through that cavern beneath the mountain, it looks real, looks as if it's occupying the same space as them... and it's huge. It looks fierce, it looks dangerous... and it's not a friendly dragon (no Sean Connery playing Draco with this one). Smaug is a menace, and the entire last hour of the film is tense because of his presence. Smaug alone is a worthy technical achievement, but the crews do other great work with the look of Mirkwood, for example, or the spider sequence. 

The design of the wood elves realm within Mirkwood is particularly engaging to the eye, a mix of CGI and set work, and Lake-town's design also catches our attention. So does the realm of the Necromancer, the object of Gandalf's search, a dark and dreadful place where an evil force is consolidating its power. Jackson makes good use of location, using New Zealand as a stand in for Middle Earth to good effect as usual. His camera work can be dizzying at times, but it works for the scale of the film (do go out of your way to see the 2D version of the film though). And his crew as usual pays attention to every detail, particularly in set design and costuming. No detail, it seems, was overlooked, and the crew gives us a fully formed world. As before, Howard Shore returns to give us the music score, which I love- with hints of older themes from the first film and Lord Of The Rings, but also new material.

It's an epic, of course, but the actors are what stands at the core of the film, and what keeps it grounded. Cumberbatch pulls double duty here. He does the motion capture side of things for Smaug, but also the voice, and the voice itself is malevolent and frightening. There's a grand darkness about Smaug; you could close your eyes and just listen to the voice and feel unnerved. Cumberbatch captures the sense of a dragon well, a greedy monster eager to hold onto every bit of his stolen treasure. He also appears as the shadowy Necromancer again, more of a special effect visually, but we hear his voice, and in fact his true identity stands revealed here. He of the strange name is one of the actors most in demand these days, and that's for good reasons. Though we don't see him as an actor on screen, we feel his presence absolutely underpinning everything. Evans, as the hesitant human ally Bard, is wary of the dwarves; he relates to them in complicated ways, worried that they bring danger to his home and yet at the same time is principled and brave. There's more for him to come.

The woodland elves are a mixed sort this time out. Pace plays Thranduil as more antagonistic towards the Dwarves than in the book, suspicious of their motives and with his own designs on the wealth of the Lonely Mountain. Evangeline Lilly as the new creation Tauriel is an interesting addition. She's brave and principled, not as suspicious of dwarves as some of her people; in fact, she has a bit of a flirtation going on with Kili (Aidan Turner). Lilly, best known for her role in the television series Lost, provides us a new female character that feels true to the world of Tolkien, while not being one of his creations. She can take care of herself, just as capable and adaptive a fighter as her counterparts. And Orlando Bloom returns as Legolas, despite having had not been in the book. Jackson gives him a lot to do (killing orcs in a running battle here and there, for instance). He's much more suspicious of dwarves, though willing to go against orders in aiding them somewhat- this is sixty years before his friendship with Gimli (who we see in a picture ever so briefly as a child). He looks much the same as he did in the trilogy, still seemingly fearless and as deadly as ever.

The dwarves themselves are as entertaining as ever, a motley crew. Tolkien developed some in the book more than others, so it was Jackson and his fellow screenwriters who fleshed them out, along with the actors themselves, all returning once again in their roles. The crew gives each a distinctive look, and the actors give them distinctive personalities, even if the audience still needs a score card to keep track of them. Turner gives Kili a dashing, roguish charm as one of the more handsome among the dwarves, shamelessly flirting with Tauriel. Ken Stott as Balin is the wisest of the party, worrying about the effect Thorin's obsession with reclaiming his homeland is having on his chieftain. Stott gives the role a quiet dignity. And Armitage, playing Thorin, delves deeper into the role. As an audience, we find ourselves wondering about what's driving him as we get more into the story. Is it about doing what's right for his people, or is he being driven by more selfish motives? Armitage continues to bring a ferocious quality to the character, suspicious of those outside the party, and determined to move forward. 

Ian McKellan has been playing Gandalf for five films now, and he continues the streak of playing the wise, enigmatic wizard very well. His take on Gandalf always feels like that of a man who knows more than he says, who notices much about what goes on around him, and who is driven by worries for the future of the world around him. He perceives the darker threat underlying the narrative, and his own quest takes him in a dangerous direction against an even more threatening foe. McKellan knows this character so well, and seeing  him in this role is very welcome. 

Martin Freeman as the younger Bilbo continues to give us a character who reflects the Ian Holm version from the Lord of the Rings trilogy but still bears his own stamp on the performance. He's falling somewhat more under the influence of the Ring that has come into his possession. Yet at the same time, he's stepping out from the anxiety that preoccupied him at times in the first film. Freeman shows us a Bilbo more sure of himself, confident and moving foward, quickly thinking on his feet as situations unfold before him. Bilbo is able to adapt well in a crisis, and Freeman conveys that quality admirably.

The second act in the trilogy moves the story along and really drives up the tension. It takes our company along different paths, but with the sense that the story will converge yet to come. For those of us who love to spend time in Middle Earth as told by Jackson and company, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug is very welcome indeed. I look forward to seeing the final chapter in this series. 

If only we didn't have to wait another year!

Far Over The Misty Mountains

"I would take each and every one of these dwarves over the mightiest army." ~ Thorin Oakenshield

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is the first of three films adapting J.R.R. Tolkien's book The Hobbit, which would serve as the jumping off point for his later trilogy The Lord Of The Rings. Director Peter Jackson along with Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens have joined up to give us the first story after their success a decade ago, recounting the adventures of Bilbo Baggins as he sets off on the adventure that will define his life. The original book isn't as big as the novels in the LOTR trilogy, and Jackson and company have opted to work in material from Professor Tolkien's extensive appendixes and notes about the world of Middle Earth for these three books, turning what had originally been a children's book into more of an epic.

The story starts itself off in a familiar place, with the older Bilbo (Ian Holm) writing down his adventures for his nephew Frodo (Elijah Wood, making a cameo). We are drawn back some sixty years to a younger Bilbo, content to do as all hobbits do: consume ale, stock the pantry, and stay out of the way of the big folk. That is, however, until the wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellan) and thirteen dwarves turn up in his life.

Bilbo is drafted into their quest. Erebor, the homeland of the dwarves, has been laid siege to by a dragon, Smaug, seen in flashback, and the treasures of their people stolen. They aim to get it back, and the road will lead them through both wonders and dangers, including elves, orcs, trolls, goblins, and all manner of dark forces, including an emaciated creature who was once a hobbit, but is now something else entirely. Yes, Gollum turns up here as well, long before meeting a bad end in the caverns of Mount Doom, once again played in a mesh of performance and CGI by Andy Serkis.

Returning to the world of Middle Earth is welcoming indeed. It feels in a way as if we've never really left the place. Jackson and company reassembled a crew, filmed largely on location again in New Zealand, which has a wildness to it that comes across beautifully in the film. Much has been made of the technical aspects involved in the filming; the projection rate of 48 frames a second used here are twice as much as usual; Jackson wanted to go for heightened reality. It's somewhat disconcerting at first; it gives perhaps too much clarity at times, but it's a minor quibble. The story itself renders that one problem an afterthought. There are theatres running the movie in the traditional 24 frames a second format; look into seeing it that way if you can.

His assembled production crew have gone through great lengths to draw us back into Middle Earth again, with painstaking attention to detail, in costuming and makeup- one of the things I loved about the LOTR trilogy, for example, in production values, was that no Orc ever looked the same as another. The same applies here, where there is such variety and differences in character looks. Cinematography and camera work remains as stunning as ever, with sweeping vistas and just the right framing- not to mention the tricks that successfully convince us that a tall actor is in fact much shorter than a wizard. And Howard Shore returns to compose the musical score, returning to some of his older themes but weaving in new material as well, creating a memorable, powerful, and epic score once more.

Jackson brings back some of the actors from the LOTR trilogy in appearances. Hugo Weaving as Elrond and Cate Blanchett as Galadriel, two immortal and wise elves, return, and it's pleasing to see them again. Christopher Lee appears briefly as the wizard Saruman, before his fall as seen in LOTR. Holm and Wood returning once more to reprise their characters briefly is a treat. Serkis is, of course, creepy and sinister when he finally turns up as the nefarious Gollum. And Ian McKellan seems to have picked up right where he left off as the old yet ageless Gandalf the Grey, the wizard guiding the quest. He is, as ever, wise and enigmatic, and getting the chance as an audience to spend more time with the character is welcome indeed.

Within the fresh cast are some surprises. Barry Humphries, who created the Dame Edna persona, turns up, hardly recognizable, as a malevolent goblin king. Among the thirteen dwarves are some we've heard mention of in the LOTR films, such as Gloin, father of Gimli, and Balin. Yes, you'll need a scorecard to keep track of them, but the dwarves each have their own distinctive look and personality quirks. You'll get used to them. Their chieftain is Thorin Oakenshield, played by Richard Armitage, a sort of king who's lost his country and wants it back. Armitage, a British actor with quite a following (it must be his eyes, right?), has appeared mostly on the other side of the Pond, notably in latter seasons of the British series MI5 (or Spooks, depending on where it's being broadcast), and did a cameo appearance as a Nazi saboteur in last year's Captain America: The First Avenger. Armitage plays Thorin as a decisive, noble, and courageous leader; he's the Aragorn of the story.

Martin Freeman is the anchor of the film. He's a character actor best known at the moment for a modern television adaptation of Sherlock Holmes in Britain, and he plays a believably younger Ian Holm, while giving the role of Bilbo his own exuberant sensibility. There's a trace of anxiety and worry in this hobbit, suddenly drafted into an adventure despite his own wishes, a good element of humour and mischief in the performance, and Freeman brings to full life a decidedly enjoyable Tolkien character. Bilbo Baggins is in good hands.

The adventures of a hobbit, a wizard, and a group of dwarves has started off well indeed, and will be going on for the next two years. As a great fan of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I can say that I'm pleased by the first of the three films. Even if I'm wondering... did it have to be three films? I want to see the end now!