A Scheme Too Ridiculous To Believe

 

They are the damned. They are a pestilence walking the earth in human form. They contribute nothing to society. They never take a hint and go find honest work, or at least to just go away. Their entire standard operating procedure is to infest our blogs with off topic comments, or send thousands of random emails to people with a get rich quick scam. I speak of course, of that vile scum we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following came through to my email recently.

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND
( I.M.F ) HEAD OFFICE
CODE:(2244).
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

ATTN: HONOURABLE CONTRACTOR,

DID YOU AUTHORISED ANYBODY WHO PRESENTED DOCUMENT OF CLAIM, REPORTED
TO HAVE SIGNED BY YOU FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR PART-PAYMENT OF
$10.7MILLION USD ONLY.
RECONFIRM BACK TO ME TO AVOID ANY IRREGULARITIES AS YOUR PAYMENT IS
NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY DRAFT (Based on the instructions
received this morning from the attorney general of the federation).

BASED ON THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISED NOT TO RESPOND TO ANY MAIL OR FAX
CONCERNING YOUR FUND FROM ANY BODY WHO CLAIM TO BE OR YOUR AGENT AS
YOUR DRAFT IS NOW READY TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY BY THE AUTHORITY
OF THIS OFFICE.

KINDLY RE-CONFIRM TO ME THE FOLLOWINGS:

1) YOUR FULL NAME.
2) YOUR HOME ADDRESS.
3) WHATSAPP NO.
4) COUNTRY/STATE:
5) SCANNED COPY OF INT'L PASSPORT.

YOU ARE WARNED AND ADVISED TO FOLLOW-UP INSTRUCTIONS AS REGARDS TO YOUR FUND.
THE ABOVE IS YOUR PAYMENT, ANY MAIL OR FAXES WITHOUT YOUR TRANSACTION
CODE (2244) ,YOU SHOULD DISREGARDS IT.

Ms.Kristalina Georgieva
Managing Director of the International
Monetary Fund. (I.M.F)(2244)
RESPOND TO OUR OFFICIAL EMAIL

Oh, boy. The IMF scam is an old one. Usually about giving some poor sucker money. This one is dangling money as part of the email scam, but is written in such a way that leaves one doubting that English is their first language (it's not) and thinking that they're angry. All capitalization of multiple words will do that.

If someone were really with the IMF, their grasp of the English language would be much better. While this tries to read as formal, the amount of mistakes turns it into a word salad, perhaps written by someone having a stroke.

It never ends. Because out of the half million random emails they send this crap to, someone out there is dumb enough to look past all the nonsense and the word salad and think themselves, "hey, that could be my big payday." The rest of us know better, and will never respond to this garbage.

Nice try, scumbag. I'd like to run into you sometime.

While driving a tank.

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

 And now it is time for the perspective of the cat, who must always get the last word in.

7:04 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of revenge against my enemies.

7:06 AM. Inspecting the exterior from the back of the couch. Flying lunches pecking about in the grass. 

7:10 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. How long will she take today?

7:15 AM. Come on, staff, get down here. I can't be waiting all day. I've been up eleven minutes already and I'm starving.

7:21 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was about to send a search party after you. Now then, let's see to breakfast, shall we?

7:23 AM. Making my preferences known as the staff works on my breakfast. No field rations, are we clear on that? I don't want to see field rations today.

7:24 AM. The staff puts my breakfast on the floor. The bowl of milk and plate of tuna are welcome. The bowl of field rations is not.

7:26 AM. I have finished breakfast. The milk and tuna have been consumed. The field rations have been ignored.

7:34 AM. Somewhere in the distance that idiot dog from down the road is barking his head off.

7:42 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place. Staff? Remember to buy milk on your way home.

7:45 AM. Watching the staff depart the property in the car. Now then, what's on the agenda for today?

8:02 AM. The Weather Channel tells me there's a storm coming tonight. Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, as a wise man once said.

8:36 AM. I think a nap is in order.

11:29 AM. Waking up. Feeling hungry.

11:30 AM. Oh, that's right. There's only field rations left in the open.

Oh well, if I must, I must.

1:30 PM. Somewhere in the distance that dumb hound is barking. The mailman must be stopping by his place.

4:40 PM. The staff returns home. With groceries. Very good, staff.

4:45 PM. Supervising the staff as she unpacks groceries. I see catnip. I also see milk. Staff? You may deserve some purrs and snuggles tonight.

5:39 PM. Watching the staff making dinner. Ground beef is involved.

6:38 PM. The staff is having spaghetti and meatballs. She's made some meatballs for me. Very good, staff.

8:10 PM. Lightning and thunder outside. No worries, staff. You've got me to purr beside you and keep the thunder away.

9:00 PM. The storm continues. Like two cats in a territory fight.

11:36 PM. The storm appears to have ended for the night. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well. But keep the doors open. I have zoomies scheduled at three in the morning.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

 It is once again time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, we start with the dog, who gets so easily distracted, after all.

6:54 AM. Waking up. Big stretch. Light outside. The days start so early these days, don't they? And here I am already behind in my to-do list. Top of the list? Breakfast.

7:00 AM. Looking outside. Birds busy pecking around at the ground for no reason. 

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs. After all, I can't get my breakfast sorted on my own.

7:20 AM. Thumping my tail furiously on the floor as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Great day, isn't it? Say, any thought to getting breakfast together yet? Just saying...

7:22 AM. The human is pouring me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:23 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast in near-record speed time.

That was good.

7:29 AM. Making inquiries with the human about letting me go out and have a run.

7:31 AM. The human lets me out for a run. Bye, human!

7:38 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Life is good!

7:52 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:54 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I discuss the latest issues of concern. The velocity required to catch the mailman.What the squirrels are up to.

8:00 AM. Spike notes that we'll have thunderstorms in the night. Oh, brother, Spike. I don't like those one bit.

8:05 AM. Spike and I part ways after he assures me he'll keep me up to date on the arrival of the mailman this afternoon.

8:29 AM. Returning home, barking to let the human know I've returned.

10:30 AM. The human is having coffee. I have persuaded her to give me a cookie.

12:16 PM. Lunch with the human. I scarf down a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman as he drops some stuff off at the mailbox before driving away.

3:27 PM. Awake from an afternoon nap just in time to persuade the human to give me a cookie while she has tea.

6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. Pancakes tonight, which she has cut up into bite sized chunks for me.

8:10 PM. Lying on the couch when the world erupts with lightning and thunder outside. My response is to high tail it and run into the basement.

9:39 PM. Pacing around the basement. The storm continues outside. 

Why does thunder have to be so loud?

10:15 PM. The human comes downstairs to tell me that the storm has passed.

Human? I don't like thunder. Just so you know.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. But please, keep the door open. If we get more storms in the night, I'm hiding under your bed.