Ode To An Unscrupulous Banker

 

We can count them as being oblivious. Their lives consist of random comments and random emails sent to random people, having nothing to do with the subject at all, or passing off some get rich quick scheme. They hope to get positive attention, especially in the latter, as that means some poor rube will be dumb enough to believe their story. They are, of course, that wretched hive of scum and villainy we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as the internet scammer and spammer. The following crap came through to my email recently.

My name is François-Andr? Garnier, working with the Societe
Generale Bank in Paris, France. I am contacting you regarding a
late client who passed away without a next of kin and left a
fixed deposit of $57.5 million.

I propose presenting you as the next of kin so the funds can be
claimed.

I will handle all required legal documentation, and the funds
would be shared on a 60/40 basis. The process is expected to be
completed within a few If you are interested, please provide your
full name, address, contact number, and occupation so the
necessary documents can be prepared. If not, kindly disregard
this message.

I will provide more details when I get your response.

Best regards,
François Garnier

I should start out by saying that true to form, the email address provided in the email, which I left out of the copy and paste, is not the same email that sent this garbage. That email was different, and is merely the first in a long series of cut out email addresses leading to some dark corner of the web, perhaps in Russia. And he introduces himself as Francois-Andr?.... error, or hoping to start a trend with names? I'd go with error. It starts off with the formal wording of a supposed banker whose late client left millions unclaimed in their accounts, proposing a partnership that if it was real, would be setting off all sorts of alarms. He wants to split it 60/40 with me as the next of kin.

Oh, right. I'm supposed to believe that someone with fifty seven million dollars didn't have a will. Or a lawyer to advise on preparing a will. Some sort of plan on what to do with all that money upon shuffling off their mortal coil. Right. Uh huh. And I'm supposed to believe that a banker (which this guy is not, whoever actually sent this crap) is willing to do what is at the very least unethical with a complete stranger halfway across the world. Sure.

No, what this is all about is some scammer at the end of a long list of email addresses hoping that of the five hundred thousand random emails he sends this to that someone will be dumb enough to bite and send the inevitable processing fee of a few thousand dollars before they realize they got scammed.

Come on, man. I know better.

What you should do is get tied up to a pole in a place downslope from an erupting volcano.