Musings Of An Internet Scammer

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that an internet scammer must be in want of gullible rubes." ~ Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice and Aggravation

So Jane might write these days if she was familiar with internet scammers. I speak, of course, of those infernal people otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus. A miserable lot of scammers hiding away in the dark corners of the web, sending spam comments to our posts, or spam and scam ideas to our email addresses. Such is the case with the following, which came my way some weeks ago.

Greetings,

Hope this note finds you and your family in good health and spirit. We are a unique Investment Consultation Firm registered in the United Kingdom; we specialize in searching for potential investments opportunities for our high net-worth clients worldwide.

Are you an entrepreneur/business owner or chief executive officer seeking for capital for your business growth or expansion? I'm contacting you to know if you are open for investors into your company as we are currently providing financial support to companies and individuals for business and project expansion. We also pay commission to individuals who direct clients to us for financing.

We are willing to partner with you for your business growth by providing either debt or finance. Reply for further discussions if interested with your business plan and executive summary for our management to review.

Should this be of interest to you, please do not hesitate to e-mail us for further information or Ignore if not interested thank you.


Kind Regards,

Mr. Floyd W. Brown
Chief Investment Officer United Kingdom.

Oh, sure, right. First off, let's start with a name. Floyd. Because who in this day and age is named Floyd? Nobody. Because the Floyds of the world have long since changed their name. Because it's a dumb name.

Besides, when you think of investment firms, does a guy named Floyd cross your mind as a likely staff member? No.

There's the usual capitalization of words that don't need it. There's the overly formal style that does not read at all like it's written by someone with a natural grasp of the English language. Because we've all seen this before. It's a scam.

First off, I don't have a company. So why is this being sent to me? Second, even if I did, I wouldn't be looking for financing from some random dolt sending the same message to 500 000 other email addresses. Because there's no firm. There's no management to review anything.

There's just a group of internet scammers who send out these emails knowing that a handful of that half a million emails they send out will get someone who bites at the bait and sends the "processing fee" of a few thousand dollars for riches that aren't ever going to come.

Nice try, dumbass. But I've seen far too many of your kind pulling this nonsense down through the years to believe anything you have to say about anything.

Normally at this point I'd suggest some sort of cruel and unusual punishment, something that would leave you in physical agony. Or worse, dead.

But instead, I'm going to double down on this and make the following suggestion.

You should be tied to a chair and forced to spend the next four months listening to this guy sing.

If you want to call what he does singing.