The Curse Of The Internet Scammer

You'd think that maybe, just maybe they would take a hint and go away. I speak of course of the spammers and internet scammers. When their comments are banished to the eternal purgatory of spam comments, you'd think they'd stop. When their emails are ignored or ridiculed in a post like this, that they would get the message. No, instead they seem to attempt replies in posts like this long after the fact. Spammers might ask, as one recently did, to 'apprentice' with me. As if this nitwit even understands the concept of apprenticing, because that's the sort of thing you do with carpentry or electricity. Not blogging. And then there's the usual internet scammer (otherwise known as homo sapiens irritatingus scammeritis) with an email such as the following, which recently turned up in my junk email folder.

Attention:

This is to inform you that the Us Government has given an instruction to remit the sum of ($5. Million United State Dollar) to you, because your name was among the scam victims, who lost so much money to African and European Fraudsters, you are hereby advise to stop every further communication with anybody, you will end up nothing.

These are two options left for you to receive your funds.

(1) By Bank to Bank Wire Transfer

(2) By Atm Card.

We are waiting your immediate respond with your information to enable this bank proceeds immediately with the transfer or Delivery of your fund and serve you better.

Full Name....................

Home Address.................

Cell Phone number............

Any Of Your Identity Card........

Do not send money up front fee to anyone from Europe or African, again for what so ever reason. The US Bank will immediately remit your account once I reconfirm your banking details.

Thanks for banking with us and we assure you a good and perfect conclusion.

Congratulations.

Mr. Rick Ruzzi,

Executive Region Manager,

Us Bank.

Now, where to begin? Perhaps by noting that when you Google the name Rick Ruzzi, the first page is filled with items about internet scams. It makes you feel sorry for anyone actually named Rick Ruzzi, knowing that their name is forever being used by a scammer whose real name isn't Rick Ruzzi. Our scamming scammer has some of the same tell tales of his sort. The formal language written in a way that suggests English isn't his first language. The perpetual number of mistakes. The warning not to communicate with anyone about this matter. Capitalizing words and letters that don't require it, and not capitalizing where it is required.

Case in point: U.S. Bank. This jackass writes Us Bank and Us Government. Even the dumbest nitwit in America (currently occupying the Oval Office) knows well enough to write U.S., as opposed to a non existent 'Us'. You'd think that a banker would know that. You'd think that an American citizen would know that. But our totally fake Mr. Ruzzi (or whatever his real name is, and wherever in the world he actually is), doesn't know it.

He claims that five million dollars is coming my way (taking time to write out $5 Million United State Dollar- to which I say "State"?) because my name was among the names of scam victims "who lost so much money to African and European Fraudsters". First off, bullshit, because I haven't lost any money to fraudsters (no need for the capitalization, ace). Second, at least you're admitting to your probable location. Either it's somewhere in Africa (Nigeria, I'm looking at you) or it's in eastern Europe and the guy at the top of this particular organized crime ring sits in a plush office in the Kremlin and likes to be called Tsar Valdimir. Either one will do. 

He tells me to stop communication with anyone else or I will end up with nothing (the only way I end up with nothing is to reply to your email and follow through with letting an internet scammer like you rob me blind, which for the record isn't happening). He insists that I not "send money up front fee to anyone from Europe and African, again for what so ever reason." Not phrased like you would expect out of a banker, which Mr. Ruzzi clearly is not. 

Nice try, Boris or Mbatu or whoever the hell you really are. Perhaps someone on that list of hundreds of thousands of emails will take the bait. As for me, I've seen too many of these ridiculous emails from you and your colleagues before. I know better. All you're good for is to be treated with ridicule and scorn and contempt. Believe me when I tell you that you've more than deserved it.

"We are waiting your immediate respond with your information," he tells me halfway through. Well, another example of someone who doesn't speak English in any proper way, because if he did, he'd have written "we are awaiting your immediate response." But he didn't write it as such.

So I'll give you my immediate response. Well, I'll let Jason say it for me.