Scammers Never Will Take A Bloody Hint

A couple of days after the previous scammer message came through to my email junk folder, the following email came through. Two in a matter of days was unusual, given that these days a couple of months can go by without hearing from scammers and spammers. Take a look. You might need aspirin to deal with the headache that comes from trying to make sense of the writing style though. Just saying.

Dear friend,

I am Mr. David Campbell, a staff of a bank in United Kingdom. 

One of our accounts, with holding balance has been dormant 

and last operated many years ago. Nobody has done 

anything as regards the claiming of this money. 

This is because the account owner has no family member or friends 

that are traceable. I have tried to locate the relations 

but without success and that is why I decided to find a 

reliable partner to move the money with.

My proposition to you is to seek your consent to 

present you as the Next of kin and beneficiary 

of this late client, So that the proceeds of this account 

shall be paid to you, and then we can share 

the amount on a mutually agreed percentage.

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles 

as the fund is legitimate and does not originate 

from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal act. 

The funds will be released to you after 

necessary processes have been followed.

I anticipate your cooperation and utmost confidence. 

Awaiting your reply stating your willingness.

Regards

David Campbell

Well, our scamming scammer scumbag, oh, right... the "banker" David Campbell, or whatever the hell his real name is, is playing from the usual scammer playbook where these things are concerned. In this case he claims to be a "staff from a bank in United Kingdom." That's our first tell of the standard scammer. A real banker would be educated, and would write that sentence as "a staffer at a bank in the United Kingdom." Of course, a real banker wouldn't be soliciting total strangers.

This is written by someone who's trying to conceal the fact that English isn't their usual language, and it shows in vocabulary and punctuation. I mean, "one of our accounts, with holding balance has been dormant and last operated many years ago" comes across as someone who has no idea of the syntax of the English language. Actually it comes across like a computer translation, which always comes across awkward and stunted. 

Then there's the whole thing about  a "reliable partner to move the money with". To me that sounds inherently suspicious (along with the whole rest of the scamming scam email). Our scamming scammer also reassures us that "this transaction is totally free of risk and troubles as the fund is legitimate and does not originate from drug,  money laundering, terrorism, or any other illegal activity."

Awww, isn't that nice?

Nice try, "David", but I've seen countless halfwits like you before, from some hellhole or another, playing at exactly the same crap. Sure, this idiocy might work on someone truly gullible (I suggest trying this with someone named Jethro, but a guy named Jethro doesn't know his way around a computer), but it doesn't work on me.

Here's what you should do: go take a swim. In shark infested waters.