The Brutal Death Of Spammers

They never give up. They never go away. They never take a hint. Spammers and spambots tend to infest our spam filters and email to no end, with offers of life insurance, medicines, knock off luggage, porn, and the inevitable presence of ye olde Nigerian Spammer con. I've posted about them on previous occasions, and yet they attempt to spam on the very posts I'm raking them over the coals in. I could go ahead and just say that all spammers should be drawn and quartered and they'd still be leaving comments with creative English trying to push their latest level of crap.

A variation of the Nigerian Prince spam showed up in my email recently; aside from the lack of links and email addresses in the message itself, it's copied as written: 

DEAR BENEFICIARY,

BE INFORMED THAT WE HAVE ALREADY SENT YOU $5,000.00 THROUGH WESTERN UNION AS WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE MANDATE TO TRANSFER YOUR FULL PAYMENT TOTAL SUM OF $3,600,000.00  (THREE MILLION SIX HUNDRED UNITED STATES. DOLLARS) VIA WESTERN  UNION.THE FIRST $5,000.00 HAS ALREADY BEEN SENT TO YOU  WE HAVE CONCLUDED TO EFFECT YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH WESTERN UNION.YOU WILL BE PICKING UP $5,000.00 DAILY UNTIL THE $3,600,000.00 IS COMPLETED.

THEREFORE,YOU ARE REQUIRED TO CONTACT THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OFFICE VIA EMAIL OR PHONE AS LISTED BELOW FOR AN IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF YOUR FUNDS TO YOU.

CONTACT PERSON: MR.HENRY OKAFOR,
FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER,WESTERN UNION OFFICE,
BURKINA FASO,WEST AFRICA.
PHONE: 00226 76 168 413
E-MAIL:

MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIONS TO THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE
TO ENABLE THEM VERIFY AND BE SURE THAT YOU ARE THE REAL BENEFICIARY.

1:YOUR FULL NAME: 
2:CITY: 
3:COUNTRY:
4:PHONE NUMBER: 
5;OCCUPATION:   
6:AGE:

COMPLY NOW BECAUSE AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE ABOVE REQUIRED DETAILS TO WESTERN UNION OFFICE, THEY WILL START SENDING YOUR PAYMENT BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.AGAIN,THEIR CONTACT EMAIL IS 

THE WESTERN UNION

While this turned up in my spam filters the other day, copied without the links the spammer is trying to shove down our throats. The grammar is appalling. And the writing reads like a multiple personality disorder writ large.

battler for no more and hit a brick wall , it will . Have the option to . They're type keywords . These include craigs list , all these obtain a bills think twice 

in bulk designer brand sun glasses few more colors available for dog gradations related with black below wholesale cups extra accessories straps eyeglasses tvs and radio stations anguish below wholesale sun oakley tones related to reddish colored spectacles inexpensive dozen It is a pity, that now I can not express - I am late for a meeting. But I will be released - I will necessarily write that I think. You commit an error. I suggest it to discuss. Write to me in PM, we will communicate. 

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I think, that you are mistaken. I can defend the position. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.  

Me again. Wow. It's like the spammer is throwing words at the wall and seeing what sticks. Plus I really doubt they're late for a real meeting. Lately my spam folders have been getting a lot of spam for ambien. The last thing I need is sedatives, thanks but no thanks. And of course every once in awhile I get those messages asking me to let them apprentice with me, do guest blogs for me, or telling me that my commenters are inevitably, brain damaged morons. Their words, not mine. Oh, yes, homo spammeritis annoyingus, that's the kind of thing that'll endear you to me.

In closing, dear spammers. I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.