A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:05 AM. Waking up. Sunny outside. Chances of getting poured on while out for my run? Not likely. Not that getting drenched by rain is a bad thing.

Is the human awake? I'm feeling hungry. And ready for a good long run through the fields.

8:15 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! Top of the morning to you! How about a bit of breakfast? That would be just swell of you.

8:18 AM. The human pours me a whole bowlful of kibbles. As I start wolfing it down, always trying to beat my personal record of 28.0345 seconds, I find myself musing on just how lucky I am to have this human as my human. Even if she occasionally wields the Towel of Torment.

8:20 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Bye, human! See you when I get back!

8:35 AM. Stopping in at the home of Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Spike is outside. We greet each other with the traditional sniffing of hindquarters and then confer on Operation Summer Squirrel Chase. The enemy has not yet been sighted today. We must assume they are busy gathering nuts. And being nuts. Squirrels are like that.

8:45 AM. I part ways with Spike, promising to send word by barking if I happen to see any trace of the enemy. The squirrels must pay for their constant disrespect.

9:10 AM. Continuing my morning explorations. Hey, is that the cranky cat from down the road?

It is!

Good morning, kitty, and how are you on this fine day?

9:11 AM. OWWW! That cat swatted me across the snout.

Now she's walking away in a snit.

I will never understand cats.

9:55 AM. Back home. Human lets me inside. Human, would you mind explaining the riddle wrapped inside an enigma that is the feline mind?

12:05 PM. Waking up from a nap. Feeling quite rested. I might be mistaken, but it feels like it ought to be lunch time.

12:15 PM. Making mooching sad eyes before the human succeeds wildly. She gives me a cheese sandwich. It's gouda! I love gouda! Yum yum yum...

12:25 PM. Noon news still on. Not one word about the pestilence that is the squirrel plague. One wonders why the humans can't see it for the pressing problem that it is?

3:35 PM. Human having tea. Using my patented mooching sad eyes. She gives me a scone.

Yum yum yum....

6:10 PM. Human making dinner. Smells good. I think it's pancakes. I like pancakes. I wonder if I can con her with a third mooching sad eyes look for the day.

6:35 PM. The human gives me a plate with a couple of pancakes. Oh, human! You really are too good to me!

Yum yum yum!!!

7:25 PM. The human is settling in the living room after cleaning up the kitchen post-dinner. I jump up on the couch with her and settle beside her. For some reason she's doing a bit of Sudoku. I really don't understand that game...

8:05 PM. Human watching Superman movie. Since a new movie's now in the theatres, they're running the last movie from the franchise. Unfortunately this is the one featuring that dull witted kid.

8:20 PM. Oh, nice job, director. Having him save the falling airplane this early in the movie? You do realize that was the best visual sequence of the movie, and you used it up early?

8:35 PM. Question. Does Superman ever have to worry about bird strikes when he's flying? And why does he wear his underwear on the outside?

9:10 PM. Why did they have to cast this kid as Lois Lane's kid? He comes across rather dimwitted. Granted, the actress playing Lois seems like she's sleepwalking...

9:30 PM. You know, they really ought to feature Krypto, the Super-dog in the next film. I'm just putting it out there.

9:40 PM. Oh, wonderful. Kevin Spacey is ranting like a loon.

10:40 PM. Yes, yes, yes, Superman gets to ruin Lex Luthor's day and save the world, that's nice and all that, but it doesn't excuse the fact that this film ends up making the big blue cheese look like a deadbeat dad.

11:35 PM. Human off to bed. Good night, human.

No, I'll stay down here. I'll see if I can get in touch with that Nolan guy. Try to talk him into having Krypto in the next Superman film. Granted, that might be a challenge, what with the fact that I can't actually speak English...