A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links to see to before we really get started today. Norma reposts a Christmas blog from several years ago at her page. Mark talks about Christmas around the world at his page. Deb has a Christmas disaster poem for your perusal. Talli has returned home to Canada for Christmas. Poor Hamish is being subjected to the dread Christmas novelty photo shoot. The misadventures of Shelly's dogs and a bad influence elf continue here and here. Cheryl's cats await Christmas. As do Barbara's cats.

Now then.... time for the cat to run wild....

7:15 AM. Awakened earlier than I would prefer. The fireplace is not lit as I would prefer, given that we are now fully enveloped in winter. Where is the staff when I want a good fire lit? 

7:30 AM. The staff is upstairs getting ready for the day. I am on my rounds inspecting my quarters. The presence of the Christmas tree in my living room continues to perplex me. I have expressed my puzzlement by the occasional batting of ornaments hanging low on the tree. The staff has put the fragile ones higher up.

7:35 AM. Examining calendar. Oh, yes. Christmas Eve is today. 

7:40 AM. The staff comes downstairs. About time, staff. I expect breakfast anon. And while we're at it, you had better assure me that none of your idiot relations show up here tomorrow for Christmas dinner. I dislike having to hide for hours on end while those hooligan kids are running around in my house.

7:45 AM. Sigh. The staff disappoints me once again by feeding me field rations for breakfast.

7:49 AM. I reluctantly eat some of the field rations. Staff, honestly, you should know better by now....

7:55 AM. I feel like a walk about my territory. Staff, let me out.

No, I will not be meowing five minutes from now to be let back in.

8:05 AM. I can hear the demented barking of that demented mutt off in the distance...

I hope he gets a ton of coal in his Christmas stocking.

8:45 AM. Continuing my morning constitutional. Finding myself musing on Norse mythology and the notion that the world will end with a blanket of snow.

Seems strangely fitting, given how much snow is on the ground...

9:19 AM. Wandering through forest. Coming up to clearing ahead....

9:21 AM. Oh, now I know where I am... that farm down the road.

Oh, wait... that's where the annoying dog lives. 

And there he is now.

Isis, why did you allow dogs to be created?

9:22 AM. The dog approaches me with caution, bidding me a Merry Christmas.

Just what is he up to?

9:23 AM. Now I know he's up to something. Rolling over on his back, exposing his stomach to attack... it's a trap. It has to be a trap.

9:24 AM. I ask the dog what he's up to. He seems confused by the question. Dogs are usually confused by many things.

I walk away instead of risking the trap. In the interests of peace on earth and goodwill towards staff, I will play nice today and not swipe at you with my claws, hound.

10:05 AM. Back home. The staff opens the door for me. Very good staff... you've lit the fireplace. Now, I think it's time for a good long nap.

3:55 PM. Waking up from my nap by the fire. Feeling nice and toasty. Dreamed of chasing a squirrel.

6:55 PM. The staff is having dinner. A good roast with some salad and a side of cauliflower. Staff, you will have to explain the appeal of potato salad to me someday.

She has given me slices of beef. Very tasty, staff. Much better than breakfast.

7:15 PM. The staff is having dessert. While I don't particularly see the point of tiramisu, she does give me a bowl of ice cream. And given this time of year, the flavour is candy cane. A peculiar taste, I think, but acceptable.

8:25 PM. The staff is sitting down watching It's A Bitter Life, the point of view of that mean old codger Mr. Potter. Well, at least it's not the original movie. There's only so much I can take of that sugar sweet schmaltzy ending.

8:50 PM. The staff is drinking that eggnog stuff. I take a sniff of it. No, staff, that is certainly not for me. You can have all you want of it.

9:25 PM. Old Man Potter, as played by John Goodman, asks George Bailey, as played by Edward Norton, why he's such an insufferable goody goody. George says, "well gosh, Mr. Potter..."

Staff, this film might be even more annoying than It's A Wonderful Life.

10:05 PM. Old Man Potter is getting a visit from a demon named Estella, played by Lady Gaga. How is this a Christmas movie?

10:10 PM. Estella tells Old Man Potter that he really had a wonderful life screwing everyone he knows over royally, and suggests he frame George Bailey for tax fraud.

10:28 PM. Old Man Potter suddenly meets a bad end by stepping out in front of traffic and getting slammed by a truck just before unleashing Operation Frame George Bailey. Screen fades to black.

Staff, this film was ridiculous. I demand that you never watch it again.

10:45 PM. The staff is hanging up the stockings by the fireplace. I am busy sniffing at the presents beneath the tree. Is there catnip in here? Other items to entertain me? 

And plenty of boxes for me to make use of endlessly?

11:50 PM. The staff is turning out the lights, bidding me good night. 

Good night, staff. I shall no doubt be up at some point in the night. Perhaps I'll walk across you and settle onto your stomach by clawing the covers. I like doing that. I know you tend to mutter and complain in your sleep...

For now, I'll just sit here awhile as the fire burns out.

Since Santa isn't real, it's not as if it'll end up burning his butt anyway, right?

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Before we get started, some links for you to peruse. Norma's been under the weather in the last few days, but today has a new blog up, talking about Christmas with her grandfather. Take a look at AngryParsnip's Christmas decorations. Lynne has Fluffy and George debating Santa. Maria re-posts a blog on being addicted to reading. Go on over to Krisztina's blog for winter photography. If you're already tired of winter, check out Gina's look at Key West. Have a look at a wall of ice in this photoblog. And since this is a dog blog, we must check in with two rascal hounds. Whose adventure continues here.

Now then, Christmas is nearly upon us, but before then, we've got ourselves two dog and cat blogs to see to. As always, I'll start with the hound's point of view. And there'll be more dogs and cats to be found in my Christmas Eve blog...

7:15 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of a white Christmas. Of course, this being Canada, we generally do have white Christmases. 

7:20 AM. Doing my rounds of the house. The human is still upstairs. Checking the calendar. It's Christmas Eve today. I remember last year. The human confusing me to no end with Christmas trees in the house, the irritating nephews and nieces showing up and using me to pull a sled....

7:35 AM. Good morning, human? How are you on this fine day? How about some Christmas Eve morning breakfast? You can even mix fruitcake in with my kibbles...

Except if it's Aunt Bernice's fruitcake. I swear, that woman makes something with the consistency of cement...

7:42 AM. Wolfing down breakfast. No fruitcake, but kibbles are always welcome.

7:45 AM. The human tells me she'll be having Christmas dinner over at her sister's place tomorrow. Asks if I'd like to go along.

Well, after careful consideration, someone must hold down the fort here. Send my regrets along, but any chance to keep a wide berth between myself and your nephews and nieces must be seized upon.

7:50 AM. Out the door for a run. Feels fresh and crisp and cold today. Is there anything in the world better than winter?

8:10 AM. Racing through the snow in the backfields, barking my head off, having a glorious time.

I wonder if that irritable cat is out today. I should wish her a Merry Christmas. Peace on Earth and goodwill to dogs and cats and all that...

9:15 AM. Back home. The human's car is gone. Uh oh. Sniffing around to estimate how long she's been gone. Did she still have last minute Christmas shopping to do?

9:20 AM. Sitting on back porch. Spotting movement at the treeline. I wonder if it's that annoying squirrel. 

9:21 AM. No, it's the cat from down the road. I approach with great caution, wagging my tail to show my friendly intentions. Note to self: if she hisses, back off. I've been clawed by her before...

9:22 AM. Merry Christmas, kitty cat. How are you this fine day?

9:23 AM. I roll over on my back exposing myself to possible attack to indicate that I seek no hostilities. The cat looks at me with a suspicious glare. Come now, my feline neighbour... can't we let bygones be bygones? Sing carols together? Conspire together to steal Santa's milk and cookies? You can have the milk and I'll take the cookies....

9:24 AM. The cat asks what I'm up to. What? Why do I have to be up to something?

She walks away in a huff. 

At least this time she didn't swat me with her claws.

10:48 AM. Spotting the evil annoying squirrel running among the trees. I bolt right for the nearest tree and bark furiously. The evil annoying squirrel being an evil annoying squirrel, he chatters and taunts me from high up on a branch.

Is he giving me the finger????

11:00 AM. The squirrel continues to taunt me from his safe refuge high above.

Where's a good chainsaw when you need one?

One of these days, squirrel, you and I will have a reckoning.

11:03 AM. My barking is interrupted by the sound of the car returning. It must be the human!

11:04 AM. The human's taking packages and bags out of the backseat. She looks exhausted....

11:05 AM. The human tells me it was beyond crazy at the mall in town. Last minute shoppers were everywhere.

At least you didn't leave your last minute shopping for six hours from now...

11:12 AM. Sniffing at the bags. Something in there smells distinctly like premium dog biscuits and doggie toys.

2:45 PM. Waking up from good nap. Fireplace always makes me sleepy this time of year. The human is baking. Brightly coloured packages are under that Christmas tree...

6:50 PM. Dinner time! The human is having something insanely delicious smelling... she calls it beef bourguignon. I do get some beef chunks in my bowl along with dinner rolls dipped in stew sauce. She tells me that stews are the sort of meal a dog would make a mess of.

Are we never going to get past the spaghetti incident?

8:05 PM. The human has Christmas music on. Metallica is performing Silent Night. Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

9:20 PM. The human heads off to make a call. There's a plate of slices of something called stollen on the coffee table. Smells delicious... I wonder if she'll miss one slice?

9:21 PM. Mmmmmm.... tasty tasty tasty... is that a hint of rum in this cake?

10:05 PM. Lying flat on my back. Oh.... just how much rum was in that cake?

11:50 PM. The human is turning out the lights for the night. She bids me a good night and tells me I've been a very good doggie this year. Despite the spaghetti incident?

I'll see you in the morning, human. If that Santa person shows up in the middle of the night, I'll advise him not to eat anything with rum in it....