A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It's been a long time since I've had the perspective of the dog and the cat. Today it's the dog's turn to have his say.

7:02 AM. Waking up at home. Taking a big stretch. Dreamed of chasing squirrels. That’s a common thread in my dreams. Of course, they always seem to end just before I’ve caught the squirrel. I wonder why that is. 

7:04 AM. Looking outside. Sun’s barely gotten up. Boy, the days are getting shorter and shorter. Birds are starting to fly south. Trees are showing some of the first signs of fall colours. Soon we’ll have frost at night. And it seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve had anything to say. Where did the summer go, anyway?

7:12 AM. Waiting on the human to come downstairs. Because breakfast must be seen to, and since I lack opposable thumbs, I can’t get into the pantry myself. Which is a good thing, because if I could get into the pantry, I probably wouldn’t be able to stop chowing through the bag of kibbles. 

7:19 AM. Wagging my tail furiously as the human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, have you given any thought to making me breakfast? Because between you and me, I’m famished right about now, and could really use a big bowl of kibbles.

7:21 AM. Watching the human as she pours me a big bowl of kibbles. Oh boy oh boy oh boy….

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off the kibbles. That was good!

7:26 AM. Asking the human if she could let me out for my morning run.

7:27 AM. Out the door and breaking out into a sprint. See you later, human!

7:38 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, happy as I can be. 

7:51 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike! It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve met up, even though it was just the other day. Well, you know how it is with dogs, we tend to lose track of time.

7:53 AM. Spike and I confer on matters of the greatest importance. The ideal temperature of water in a bowl. The maximum velocity of a fleeing mailman on foot. And just what the squirrels are up to right now with all that nut hoarding.

7:55 AM. Spike and I discuss how quickly the summer went. Apparently the mayor’s never going to forgive me for chasing him up a tree. Honestly, you do that one time and they never let you hear the end of it. And I’ve done that one twice now. So it’ll be double never letting me hear the end of it.

8:03 AM. Parting ways with Spike. He’ll let me know when the mailman turns up at his place, just so we can both bark at him.

8:28 AM. Stopping by the house where that cranky cat lives. I wonder if she’s somewhere in sight or not. I should go and have a look.

8:31 AM. I have meandered my way across the property and have found the cat. Sleeping peacefully on the deck, completely oblivious to my being here. You know, me being a good dog- and I am a good dog, a very good dog- I should just walk away right now and leave her in peace.

But I can’t pass up an opportunity this good. I take a deep breath, ready myself to run, and let out one loud woof.

8:32 AM. Sprinting for the woods, laughing my head off, being chased by that cranky cat, who’s hissing her head off, spewing all manner of obscenities at me. In fairness, I couldn’t resist, and after all, I am a dog.

8:34 AM. Have reached the woods, and the cat has given up the pursuit. I can still hear her yelling at me from her property, making all sorts of accusations towards me. I am feeling thoroughly pleased with myself right about now.

8:43 AM. Returning home to the human. Hello, human! Say, if that cranky cat from down the road calls and makes any accusations about my waking her up out of a nap, I just want to say that have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about.

9:03 AM. Settling down for a nap in the living room. Circling around precisely three times, because two is too few, and four times is too many, before lying on the floor.

12:10 PM. Lunch with the human. She’s kind enough to give me a ham and cheese sandwich. Yum yum yum!

1:31 PM. Barking my head off at the mailman as he drops off letters at the mailbox and drives away. And don’t you ever come back, do you hear me? Never come back!

1:34 PM. The human lets me back inside, and asks if I’m aware that the mailman is only doing his job. You’re naïve, human. The mailman is pure evil.

3:47 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I get a scone out of the whole deal, since I’m using my patented sad eye trick to mooch.

6:32 PM. Dinner with the human. Bacon and apple pancakes go over pretty well if you ask me, and you are asking me.

6:59 PM. The human is doing dishes. I’m supervising. I’d help, really I would, but I lack opposable thumbs.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human, sleep well. But keep the door open. In case there’s thunder in the night, I want to be able to run and hide under your bed. I’m just advising you in advance.