A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the point of view of that supreme being, the cat, who must, as always, have the last word.

7:01 AM. Waking up. Had strange dreams. An armadillo was in my house.

I really should not eat pizza with pineapple. That stuff always does weird things to my dreams.

7:03 AM. An inspection of the front yard from the back of the couch. Flying lunches pecking around in the grass. We could see some active weather today from the looks of the sky. 

All of that is irrelevant. Where's my breakfast?

7:07 AM. Waiting patiently. Sounds from upstairs indicate she's up and about and in the shower. Good. Just so I get my breakfast soon.

7:18 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was this close to coming up there and meowing at you. Now then, have you set your mind to your priorities? And by priorities, I mean, of course, my breakfast.

7:19 AM. Explaining my morning requirements to the staff as she sets to work in the kitchen, emphasizing my point with some head bonks to the legs. Now then, staff, meat and milk is what I'm interested in. None of those field rations you insist on feeding to me. Are we clear on that? 

7:21 AM. The staff has set down a bowl of milk and a plate of salmon. These meet with my approval. Unfortunately she's also set down a bowl of field rations. 

Staff, how many times do I have to tell you this?

I sigh, and set to work eating breakfast.

7:23 AM. Finished with breakfast. I am ignoring the field rations in the hopes that one of these days she gets the point.

7:37 AM. The staff is on her way out the front door. I remind her to pick up some milk on the way home. We're running short at the moment.

7:39 AM. Watching the staff depart in her car, off to that work place. Well, technically it's my car, since this is my property and my staff, but I don't know how to drive one of those things, and the only time I'm in it is when my staff takes me to that awful vet.

So then, how shall I occupy my day?

7:42 AM. I can hear the distant barking of that foul hound. Hopefully he gets skunked again.

8:29 AM. You know, there's no such thing as too many naps. In that spirit, I think I'll take one.

11:20 AM. Waking up. Big stretch and a yawn. Feeling hungry.

11:22 AM. Oh, that's right. The only food out in the open is that bowl of field rations.

Oh, well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

12:03 PM. The top story in the noon news has to do with a dog chasing the town mayor. No, this time it's not that idiot dog from down the road.

1:28 PM. I can hear the sound of that foul hound barking as the mailman drops off things at his place. Come on, dog, do you get that this is his job? He's not a robber. He's just doing his job.

Dogs are so dumb.

4:38 PM. Waking up out of a nap to the sound of distant rumbling. A look out the front windows suggests that active weather might be coming.

And if it does turn into a thunderstorm, count on that foul hound to cower like a baby.

5:15 PM. The staff arrives home at last. I watch her come in with some grocery bags. 

Did you remember the milk?

5:23 PM. A great flash of lightning and a burst of thunder outside. And the rain starts. I take it as I take such things: with stoic calm. 

Unlike that foul hound, no doubt, who's probably running for his life right this moment.

5:32 PM. Watching the lightning outside. Quite dramatic. Much to my liking.

5:55 PM. The staff is making dinner. The smell of cooking meat draws me into the kitchen.

6:20 PM. The storm seems to be lessening outside. I am busy observing the staff cooking.

Life is good.

6:41 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's having lasagna. She's given me a plate of ground beef that very much meets with my approval.

Yes, I'm spoiled. Your point being?

7:03 PM. Leaving the staff to do the dishes. I'd help, staff, but I don't like getting my paws wet.

7:35 PM. The staff is watching some Jeopardy. The answer is what is a gigawatt.

They should let me do this program.

8:23 PM. Lying on the couch, pondering the great mysteries of life. What is the purpose of red light lasers if not to annoy us?

11:31 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, and sleep well.

But keep the bedroom door open.

I like walking on top of you at two in the morning for absolutely no reason.