A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once more for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, I begin with the dog's perspective.

7:08 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of jumping into the world’s biggest mud puddle.

7:11 AM. Looking outside. Birds strolling about on the lawn, picking at things. Well, spring has fully established itself, so we’ll have to wait a few months for winter to come back. That’s okay. For me, spring is the time of mud puddles and shaking my muddy fur all over the kitchen, Ah, memories!

7:16 AM. The human is coming downstairs. I wag my tail furiously to greet her. Good morning, human!

7:18 AM. The human is busy pouring me a big bowl of kibbles for breakfast. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

7:19 AM. Have just finished devouring my breakfast. Licking my chops. All is good with the world.

7:23 AM. Inquiring with the human about getting outdoors for a run. 

7:24 AM. The human lets me out. See you later, human!

7:33 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be. Woof woof woof!

7:46 AM. Sniffing at some of the early flowers. Yes, spring has come, and it couldn’t have come soon enough. If you ask me, and you are asking me, spring is one of my four favourite seasons. All tied for first.

7:57 AM. Coming across a sizeable mud puddle out in the woods. It’s just what the doggie ordered.

7:58 AM. Splashing about in the mud, thoroughly enjoying myself. There is nothing in life quite so fun as rolling around in fresh mud.

8:05 AM. Giving myself a good shake after finishing playing in the mud. Boy oh boy, just wait until the human sees me.

8:09 AM. Heading back through the woods, going home. You never know… it’s always possible that the fiendish mailman might have come early, just to mess with my head. That’s the sort of thing a demonic monster like the mailman would do. 

8:23 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. Human! It is I, Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers! Let me in!

8:25 AM. The human opens the backdoor and gets one look at me. Her frown speaks volumes as she blocks my way inside.

8:28 AM. The human is subjecting me to the rigors of the garden hose. Come on, human, I’m not that dirty, you know…

8:34 AM. The human has finished washing me, and I shake myself off. The human tut-tuts me, and then starts applying the Towel of Torment to me. You’re just lucky, human, that I’m so fond of you, because I’m definitely not fond of the Towel of Torment. Just so you know.

8:45 AM. Settling down in the living room for a nap. Oh, sure, I’ve only been awake an hour and a half, but I’ve had a busy morning, and the Towel of Torment tends to leave me knackered.

11:39 AM. Waking up. Yawning and stretching. Oh, good, I didn’t miss lunch. 

12:07 PM. Mooching a dinner roll off the human while she has lunch. Oh boy! Ham and cheese!

1:29 PM. Barking my head off at the evil mailman as he drops off some mail and drives off. Get back here! I wasn’t finished yelling at you!

4:28 PM. The human is having tea. I have succeeded in persuading her to give me an oatmeal cookie.

6:22 PM. Dinner with the human. While she has hers with cauliflower, which I don’t understand, I’m enjoying sausages by themselves. I love sausages.

6:39 PM. Supervising the human while she's doing the dishes. I'd help, human, but you always remind me not to put my paws up on the counter.

8:41 PM. Lying in the living room, pondering the great mysteries of life. What if the mailman isn’t some demonic, ultra-evil monster, and is merely doing his job? No. That can’t be. That wouldn’t make any sense at all.

11:30 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. Fear not, I shall stay down here and guard the house against any intrusions or sounds of the wind rattling the windows. Except if a lightning storm strikes. In which case I’m totally running straight upstairs and hiding under your bed, whimpering until it’s over.