A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog has the first word (they're impatient and easily distracted, after all)...

7:08 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of chasing my tail and catching it.

7:11 AM. Getting a look outside. Sunny day. Plenty of time to get out there and chase some squirrels. Once I have breakfast. Breakfast must be the priority.

7:19 AM. The human comes downstairs. I wag my tail in greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I feel a bit peckish. How about some breakfast?

7:21 AM. The human thoughtfully provides me with a bowl of kibbles. Oh boy!

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after devouring breakfast. Man, was that tasty....

7:25 AM. The human lets me out for a morning run. See you later, human!

7:33 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Oh, what a day this is! The sort of day that makes you feel happy and self assured and that nothing awful can possibly happen. Except if that something awful is something happening to the mailman. Like contracting the Ebola virus.

7:41 AM. Exploring the woods. Have barked hello to the barn owl. Didn’t seem happy about being woken up. Why do they call it a barn owl if it roosts in a tree? Shouldn’t it be a tree owl?

7:47 AM. Stopping by the house where that cranky cat lives. No sign of her from the tree line. I wonder if she’s having a nap, or sitting in another window sill. Possibly the former. Cats do sleep a lot, after all. Even more than dogs do. Maybe I should take a look.

7:49 AM. Circling around the house. And there she is, in a windowsill. Good morning, cat!

7:50 AM. The cat is hissing at me, issuing forth insults, and casting all sorts of doubt onto my parentage. Oh, come on, cat, why can’t we just be friends? Honestly, just because I occasionally bark you out of a sound sleep just for fun doesn’t mean I’m a bad doggie! I’m a good doggie! Everyone says so!  Except for the vet. And the mailman. And the mayor. And Mrs. McIntyre. Honestly, you dig up one flower garden, and the old bat never trusts you again.

7:51 AM. The cat is giving me the middle finger and telling me to get lost. Fine. Whatever. I will never understand the utter mystery that is the mindset of a cat. Strangest critters around, if you ask me, and of course you are asking me.

7:52 AM. A door opens. The cranky cat’s human comes out on the deck and says hello. Well, hello, human! Tell me, why is your cat this irritable? Is it me she hates, or does she hate all dogs? Because if it’s just me she hates, I don’t really understand the reason why. Is it wrong to bark at a cat when they’re sleeping? I don’t think so. 

7:53 AM. The human gives me a scratch behind the ears. I wag my tail in thanks. The cat is glaring at us both in the windowsill. Well, I shall take my leave. My human is still at home, and as we all know, humans need close supervision.

7:54 AM. Departing from the property of the cranky cat. One last glance over my shoulder indicates she’s furious with me. If I were the sort of dog that worries about anything, I would be worried right about now. Oh, come on, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not as if she’ll call my vet and ask her to make a house call on me, right? Right? Of course right.

8:02 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:05 AM. Spike and I confer on the movements of the enemy. The squirrels are busy gathering nuts. To what ends is a mystery. Is it fuel for their ultimate weapon? Or is it a feint to hide their true motivations from us? Inquiring dogs want to know.

8:11 AM. Parting ways with Spike. We agree to keep each other up to date on any squirrel sightings. This being the weekend, that infernal monster the mailman isn’t coming around. So much the better.

8:42 AM. Having had returned home to the welcome attention of my human, I believe it’s time for a nap. One can never stockpile too much sleep, as they say. I circle around on the rug three times and settle down.

12:07 PM. Waking up. Say, is it time for lunch?

12:11 PM. I have successfully mooched a cheese sandwich from the human. Yum yum yum!

2:52 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I am contenting myself with munching on an oatmeal cookie. Boy, does that taste good...

4:36 PM. Barking up a storm at a rabbit out on the lawn. Don’t you even think of getting in the flowerbeds! That’s for me to do!

6:29 PM. Chowing down on dinner. The human’s been decent enough to cut up some nice strips of beef for me. I don’t know why she’s having brussel sprouts with it, but hey... let’s face it, sometimes humans are weird.

8:44 PM. Lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling, musing on the meaning of life. Am I a good doggie, or am I occasionally prone to acts of mischief? And if it is the latter, how easily can I cover my tracks?

11:37 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. Sleep well. I shall keep a close eye on things down here. If I happen to start barking at four in the morning, it’ll be because there’s a squirrel at the window. In which case, I must be let out post haste.