A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time again for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog comes first. Beware the wagging tail.

7:23 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of chasing my own tail, and nearly catching it. Better luck next time, Loki, better luck next time...

7:26 AM. Looking out the window, gazing out at the lawn. There’s no sign of that infernal squirrel, but that doesn’t mean he’s not around, plotting like all squirrels do, scheming to take over the world. But that’s the purpose we dogs serve in the world: to thwart the rise of the Squirrel Cabal. That, and wagging our tails.

7:28 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! Top of the morning to you. Isn’t it a fine day? Say, have you given any thought to breakfast? Because, and this is for the record, I’m feeling kind of peckish right about now.

7:31 AM. Wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!

7:34 AM. Out the door for a run. See you later, human! 

7:42 AM. Running through the back fields, barking with glee.

8:05 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:06 AM. Spike and I confer on the movements of the enemy. He says he spotted two of the squirrels last night when he was in the house. His humans wouldn’t let him out to go on the warpath. Well, Spike, sometimes humans can be really odd.

8:12 AM. Spike and I agree to keep each other up to date if the enemy should be up to no good. Well, I’d better get back. You never know when a human’s going to need some serious canine supervision, after all.

8:19 AM. Passing by the house where that cranky cat lives. Pausing at the tree line. Gazing up at the house. Hmmm, there she is glaring at me.

8:20 AM. Discretion being the better part of valour, I think I’d better just leave well enough alone and not irritate the cat.

8:29 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my presence.

8:31 AM. Back inside. I’ll have you know, human, that I was on my very best behaviour. No teasing cats, no splashing about in creeks. Yes, perfectly well behaved, and if you don’t believe that, may lightning strike the mailman.

8:53 AM. Turning around three times on the living room floor and settling down. A nap is in order, if I must say. Just as long as I wake up in time to mooch something or another. Such as lunch. Lunch is such a good meal, after all...

11:35 AM. Waking up from my nap. Slept exceedingly well. And from the time on the clock, I see I have enough time before lunch to begin preparing my mooching face, sad eyes and all. It works every single time.

12:12 PM. I have successfully managed to mooch a cheese sandwich from the human. Yum yum yum!

1:25 PM. Barking up a storm at the mailman as he arrives at our mailbox in that car of his. Yeah, if you weren’t driving, I’d be chomping down on that leg inside of three seconds.

1:26 PM. Barking some more as that evil mailman drives away. And don’t come back, you hear me? Don’t come back!

2:51 PM. I am supervising the human while she’s out doing some work around the barn. Humans do need regular supervision, after all.

3:17 PM. The human is having tea. I am wolfing down the cookie I have so expertly mooched from her. Oatmeal is a tasty cookie.

4:29 PM. Looking outside from the couch. That obnoxious squirrel is on my lawn. 

4:30 PM. Sprinting out the front door at full speed, barking my head off. The squirrel is dashing for a nearby tree. Oh, no.... too much space, too little time.... and the little annoying bastard is up the trunk. Damn you! Did you hear me? Damn you!

4:53 PM. Back inside after spending twenty odd minutes circling around that tree and getting heckled by that vile squirrel. I hate squirrels. I hate them.

5:49 PM. The human is busy making dinner. Is that the smell of pork chops I detect?

6:26 PM. Chunks of pork chop all for me. Very tasty. I don’t know why the human’s having salad with hers, but humans can be very strange at times.

11:35 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, sleep well, human. I will stay down here and keep guard of the house. If that vile squirrel turns up on the windowsill at four in the morning, I assure you, I will bark up a storm that will wake the dead.