A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and cat, starting as ever with the perspective of the resident hound...

7:22 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of chewing on a nice bone. 

7:25 AM. I can hear the sound of the human up in the shower. Looking out the window at the weather. Nice and sunny. Good day to get out there and have a run. Now, if we can get the human to come on downstairs and feed me some breakfast, I’ll be able to get out there and race like a maniac.

7:34 AM. The human comes downstairs. I greet her with a furious wagging of the tail. Hello, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, how about we get ourselves started on that whole breakfast thing? I’d be ever pleased if you would...

7:36 AM. The human’s pouring me a big bowl of kibbles. Counting down the seconds until it’s on the floor and I can start devouring the whole lot. Glancing at the calendar. Wondering why today’s date is circled. 

7:37 AM. Wolfing down my breakfast. Yum yum yum!

7:42 AM. Out the door and off on my morning run. See you later!

7:48 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, having a ball. Nothing can possibly go wrong today. Am I right or am I right? Of course I’m right. I mean, when you say nothing can possibly go wrong, just because that usually means disaster is right around the corner doesn’t mean it’s going to happen this time, right? 

7:53 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

7:55 AM. Spike and I discuss our mutual suspicion that fall is right around the corner. The squirrels have stepped up their foraging activities in between their gambits at world domination. The first colours are showing in the trees. The sun is up later and down earlier. And it’s cooler in the mornings and evenings. Well, it’ll be a whole lot of fun to jump around in fallen leaves, won’t it, Spike?

7:59 AM. Parting ways with Spike. We agree to keep each other updates on any movements of the enemy. If not for the fact that it’s a weekend, we’d also keep each other updated on the presence of mailmen. I wonder where mailmen go on the weekends. Is there some dark infernal pit that they sleep in?

8:11 AM. Arriving at home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. Human! Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Mailmen, has returned!

8:13 AM. The human has let me back in. I start to do my usual circle around on the rug thing to settle in for a nap, but she asks if I want to go for a ride instead. Human? You don’t even have to ask. I love rides! Especially if they involve a stop at the bakery or the ice cream shop.

8:15 AM. Wagging my tail as we get into the car. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

8:22 AM. Driving along country roads. Feeling happy as I can possibly be.

8:46 AM. Pulling into a parking lot... hey, wait a minute.

This place belongs to the vet!!!!

8:48 AM. Resisting with all possible strength the efforts of the human to bring me inside the dark lair of that despicable beast. Human! How could you! The vet’s a monster!  A sadist! She’s out to get me! This is totally unfair!

8:52 AM. Fuming and annoyed in the waiting area of the vet’s office. Cats in carriers and other dogs are looking unhappy. I see all of you have backstabbing humans who see nothing wrong with taking us all to sociopathic demonic arch-foes.

9:12 AM. Brought back despite all my struggles into one of the back rooms, or as I think of it, the torture chamber. The human’s with me, and I am thoroughly displeased with her right now. A door opens. It’s her. The beast. The monster. The vile fiend. The vet. Damn you to hell, you demon!

9:17 AM. Being poked and prodded by that despicable excuse for a human being. What am I saying? Vets aren’t human beings! They’re pure evil! Evil, I tell you! Especially when they give you shots and do awful things like neuter you. I haven’t forgotten that, lady!

9:22 AM. The vile fiend says she’s done. I glare at her while the human chatters away, acting as if nothing went wrong at all. Then she takes me out the door, saying goodbye to the ultimate evil. We pass through the waiting room and I glance at the other animals, looking like condemned prisoners. Human? It’s going to take a whole lot for me to trust you again after the events of this morning, let me assure you.

9:36 AM. The human stops the car and gets out. I continue to brood. Lousy vets, there ought to be a law... why can’t dogs be allowed to bite vets? They are, after all, pure evil. We’re talking hell literally walking the earth here, people...

9:42 AM. The human returns with a bag and what appear to be a couple of ice cream cones. She lets me out of the car. Despite my annoyance, I’m wagging my tail. Is something in there for me?

9:44 AM. Having ice cream with the human. And I smell fresh baked cookies in the bag. So much the better. Okay, human, you’re forgiven.

10:21 AM. Back home. Glad to be back. I hope that despicable vet gets crushed in a landslide someday soon. Okay, time for a nap.

6:33 PM. Dinner with the human. Blueberry pancakes always go over well with me, I must say...

11:42 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. I’ll be busy dreaming... of having my long overdue revenge on that vile fiend. In this case, revenge will be very sweet indeed.