A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so it is time for Her Grace the cat to have her say... 

7:22 AM. Waking up at home. The staff is coming down the stairs. Oh, brother, it’s one of those work days where she leaves me to my own devices for hours on end. Staff! Some breakfast before you go! I’m quite insistent on that point.

7:25 AM. The staff actually surprises me for once by putting down a dish of tuna with the field rations. Well, the tuna is very welcome, staff. I’ll leave the field rations aside in favour of a proper breakfast.

7:31 AM. The staff takes her leave of the premises. Don’t be late tonight. I expect dinner at a reasonable hour!

7:38 AM. Staring at the calendar. Supposedly spring is supposed to be coming soon, but you wouldn’t know it by looking outside with all that snow. Oh, and apparently Easter is at the end of the month. Hmmm.... this is not a good thing. Easter might mean that the staff invites her idiot relations over. Note to self: start contemplating adequate bolt holes and hiding spots.

7:49 AM. Sitting on a windowsill, staring out through the window. Somewhere in the distance I can hear the endless barking of that irritating mutt from down the road. It would be nice if that dog would learn to shut up for once.

8:03 AM. Contemplating the meaning of life. Is catnip the end solution to the great mysteries of existence?

8:16 AM. Coming upstairs. Thinking of overturning a few rugs or searching for a ball of yarn. Maybe after taking a look out on my domain.

8:18 AM. Movement at the property. Oh, joy. That annoying hound decided to pay a visit.

8:19 AM. Venting my hostilities at the demented dog and expressing my disdain and irritation.

8:20 AM. The irritating mutt seems puzzled about something. Well, in fairness, dogs are perpetually living in a state of confusion and bafflement at the state of the world. 

8:21 AM. The dog is departing. One of these days, dog, maybe you’ll take a hint, but I doubt it.

9:35 AM. Settling down for a nap. Let’s see, since the staff isn’t here, I don’t really need to bother with setting my internal alarm clock, do I?

12:21 PM. Waking up. Dreamed of sheep staring at me.

12:33 PM. Helping myself to some of those field rations.

12:34 PM. Why do they make field rations to be so dry?

1:04 PM. Staring out the front window at the vastness of my domain. One of those flying lunches is in the birdhouse feasting. If there wasn’t a pane of glass between us, I’d be out there stalking you right now.

1:21 PM. Hearing barking from down the road. Let’s see, looking at the clock, it’s around time for the mailman to be in the area, hence that foul mutt is barking up a storm at the mailman right about now.

1:24 PM. The mailman stops at our mailbox and leaves some mail. Well, I’ll say this for you... any human who can annoy a mutt is good in my book.

1:39 PM. Time for another nap. Note to self: do not dream of sheep.

4:53 PM. Waking up. Where’s the staff? I’m hours overdue for attention!

5:07 PM. Entertaining myself by batting around one of the staff’s slippers. I wonder how long it would take her before she’d miss it.

5:23 PM. Okay, admittedly I can get a little carried away with myself, but how did I bat that slipper up on top of the piano?

5:25 PM. The staff walks in the front door. Well, it's about time. By the way, don't look at me when you wonder why your slipper is on top of the piano. 

6:19 PM. The staff and I are having dinner. Quiche, as it turns out. Well, the ham more than compensates for the spinach. I have no idea why humans like spinach.

8:02 PM. The staff has the Weather Channel on. The forecaster is prattling on about a late winter megastorm coming in overnight. Yes, well, I’ll believe it when I see it. Most of the time the weather forecasters are dead wrong about the weather anyway...

11:36 PM. Staring outside. The staff has the outside light on before she’s off to bed, and I’m seeing big thick flakes falling. Okay, so maybe that megastorm forecast isn’t completely nuts. Maybe this means the staff will be stranded tomorrow and thus have to spend all day tomorrow catering to my every whim. In which case: points to me!