A Night In The Life Of A Dog

Some business to see to before carrying on with nighttime blogs for our woof-woof and puddy tat. Head on over and take a look at the cover for Norma's work in progress. 

Second, over at Writers of Mass Distraction, we have an update blog about Authors For Oklahoma. Check that out, get into the links, and start seriously looking around. It's a good cause, and we're still looking for donations for the Red Cross til Friday.

Third, have a peek at Kimberly's blog The Ether Of My Imagination, where I answered eleven questions. Some of those more serious than others, mind you...

And finally, take a look at our joint blog, where we have an image blog playing around with Alice In Wonderland.

And now, back to it... for a very long night for the poor doggie....

9:27 PM.  Still waiting for that obnoxious little idiot Shia LaDoofus to buy the farm. Human, can we have zombies attack him by request, or do movies not work that way?

We might be out of luck. He doesn't strike me as the sort of person who zombies would be interested in. No brains in that head, if you ask me.

9:40 PM. Dabney Coleman turns up out of nowhere and warns our survivors that Memphis has been overrun by zombie Elvis impersonators. You mean Elvis impersonators weren't already zombies?

9:45 PM. Look out behind you, Dabney Coleman! Zombie Elvis is lunging directly at you!

9:46 PM. Yuck! And I thought dogs were messy eaters. There goes Dabney Coleman....

As expected, Shia LaDoofus is screaming like a terrified three year old girl. Human, why hasn't he died yet?

10:00 PM. Finally! The Doofus has been separated from everyone else, with no place to run, and zombies closing in.

Get him! Get the little twit!

10:01 PM. No matter how many times you plead, they're not listening to you, LaDoofus. All they want is to tear you from limb to limb and... ooo! Look at them go!

10:02 PM. Finally! Shia LaDoofus is being torn to pieces and devoured by zombies. It only took half the movie, too...

10:10 PM. Look, people, you really do need to keep moving. Hordes of zombies are still out there, and stopping to argue among yourselves is not a good idea at this point in titme. 

10:17 PM. Oh no! Zombies have Ving Rhames surrounded! Somebody help Ving!!!

Wait a minute, they can't cut to commercial now!

10:20 PM. Oh, no!!! No!! The zombies are tearing Ving apart! This isn't right! This isn't fair! Ving Rhames is supposed to survive zombie movies!

10:22 PM. They're still feasting on pieces of Ving. 

Human, did you see what they did???

10:35 PM. John Hawkes, Kirsten Dunst, and Jon Voight are busy setting a trap for the zombies. This might have come in handier if you'd thought of that before they slaughtered Ving Rhames!!

Oh, the humanity!

10:40 PM. Jon Voight and Kirsten Dunst trying to lure zombies to trap. Something goes wrong. Jon Voight trips over his shoelaces. Run, Jon Voight! Don't look back! This is worse than Deliverance!

Oh no, they've got him!

10:41 PM. Jon Voight's screaming as he goes down. Blames the liberals for the zombie apocalypse. That's odd... I wonder if he ad libbed that line.

10:42 PM. Kirsten Dunst makes it back to the big trap just in time, a horde of lurching zombies at her heels. John Hawkes sets off a massive Claymore mine that blasts them all into oblivion.

Figures the paranoid isolationist could save the proverbial day....

10:46 PM. Wait a minute, we've still got time before the movie ends.... unless what's left is all aftermath stuff? Human, do they tend to stretch out endings in these movies?

10:48 PM. Oh no! Shia LaDoofus is back, and he's a zombie! Boy, there's not much left of him, and he sounds as stupid as ever...

10:50 PM. John Hawkes and Kirsten Dunst run from zombie LaDoofus.... where's a good shotgun when you need it? Or an axe? Or a Gatling gun?

10:54 PM. Success! They've found a chainsaw!

Zombie LaDoofus doesn't look so tough now!

10:56 PM. Off with his head! Take that, Zombie LaDoofus!

10:58 PM. Oh, not a twist ending... let me see if I have this right... up over the hill, our survivors see vast hordes of zombies? The zombies are everywhere?

There's no real escape from this world of zombies?

And why do we need to have a zombie Elvis impersonator singing I Can't Help Eating His Brains With You over the credits?

Wait a minute... are we sure that's an impersonator?

11:35 PM. I don't know how you can be so relaxed, human.... I'm rather unsettled by that movie.

Human? Where are you going? You're not going to leave me down here all alone, are you?

Human?

12:55 AM. Utterly unable to sleep. Haunted by visions of Ving Rhames getting torn apart by zombie hordes. 

I find myself hearing strange noises. It's just my imagination, right?

Right?    

2:25 AM. Still awake. Feeling nervous. I could swear I hear tapping at the back door.

And someone moaning about brains.

4:40 AM. I'm never going to get any sleep now. Visions of  Jon Voight screaming his last lines are plaguing me. 

I swear, if the human ever watches a zombie movie again, I'm pulling the plug out of the wall.

I just hope I don't get electrocuted doing it.

5:55 AM. Dawn arriving. So tired. Can't sleep. Zombies will get me.

I'm never watching a zombie movie again. If I want to be scared, Old Yeller is scary enough....