Attack Of The Rampaging Crazy Old Man

"Okay, look, here's what we're going to do. If I'm not awake to concede defeat, I can stay in the race for the nomination to become President of these here United States of Ron Paul... er, of America. So whatever you all do, don't wake me up from my nap until September. By then, this Romney guy will have self imploded, right? Right?" ~ Ron Paul, April 30th, 2012

Poor Crazy Old Man. It's so hard for him to get any attention at all from the media. He'd have to kill the Pope. In Times Square. During rush hour. With an Acme cannon. As of this moment, he's still technically in the race, but no one's paying any more attention to him, what with Governor Mittens having had finally gotten enough delegates for the Republican convention later in the summer. Took him long enough. These things happen when your own party wishes they could nominate someone else. Someone who's much less awkward.

And so the long election campaign continues. Governor Mittens and the President continue to take shots at each other. Gaffes are made. Eyes roll at the latest blunder. And every step of the way, the editorial cartoonists skewer the whole process. That might be the only thing that makes the ordeal bearable.

Governor Mittens (Gloves to his friends) is spending his time trying to convince people that he's likeable, that he's not all that different from everyone else. Surely most folks like to drink Bollinger Grand Annee champagne while having the staff boil lobsters that were specially flown in from Maine that morning, right? Just like Mittens? Or is he just out of touch? I'm inclined to think the latter. Just a gut feeling.

Governor Mittens has been in a spot of trouble over bullying incidents from his school days, claiming he can't remember anything beyond pranks, hijinks, and shenanigans. Sure, Mittens. And if you expect us to believe that, I've got ocean front property in Saskatchewan....

Worse, Governor Mittens has been spending too much time paying homage to the Walking Ego With The Bad Hairpiece, the Loudmouth Arrogant Essence of Rude Behavior... yes, Donald "Pay Attention To Me!!!!!" Trump. Also known to science as the unique species Homo Sapiens Trumpus Blowhardus Hairpieceius Atrocious.

It's going to be a long, long summer. The President has, well, an idiot to put down in November. The Republicans are wondering what they were thinking. And a Crazy Old Man is snoozing away.

Of course, President Obama can still get himself distracted from time to time...

I think elephants should sue the Republicans, who are sullying their good reputation.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be back soon enough with another of these. Governor Mittens must be thinking of Vice Presidential candidates by now. Maybe he can choose someone based on loyalty and mutual respect. Like Pope Ricky. 

Or Magneto.