It's Four In The Morning And You Can't Get A Wink Of Sleep

First things first today, a bit of business to see to. I was surprised to get a nod from Christine at her blog Christine M. Grote. She gave me the Kreativ Blogger Award.

I've been following Christine for awhile now. She's a thoughtful writer with a variety of subjects to write about. Her family is one such subject, particularly her father and her late sister, the latter of whom is featured in her book Dancing In Heaven. I've also come to enjoy her photography and insights on life. If you haven't found your way to her blog, check it out. You'll enjoy what you find. 

I thought I'd use the opportunity to shine the Kreativ Blogger spotlight on several blogs, and so without further ado, here they are.

Many of you of course know Norma's blogs Windchaser's Journey and Sam's Story. What you may have overlooked is her writing blog Beishir Books, which highlights her past works and her works in progress. She's a novelist and creative soul who got me to really make a run at writing.

My good friend Beth Muscat runs several blogs, including Shameless Reviews and Promotions, which you may have overlooked. I'd have to give her the nod just for the creative way she makes me fill the cuss jar for speaking about winter.

Erin Lausten is another friend and fellow member of the Writers of Mass Distraction. I'm currently reading through her book Unexpected, a roller coaster novel playing around with time travel. If you haven't seen her blog before, check it out. It's a lot of fun.

I'm also reading through Shelly's book Secondhand Shoes, a comedic character study. While many of you do know her blog The Life of A Novice Writer, I'd suggest you check out her second blog, Secondhand Shoes, A Novel, which is a good companion for the upcoming book.

All four of the above are, of course, members of the Writers of Mass Distraction, of course. Along with myself and the rest of the group, we're a twisted and yet creative bunch of writers. You can find our work over at our joint blog, assuming you haven't already subscribed. Check it out!

There are two other blogs I follow that I think you ought to get a look at as well, if you haven't already. Carla White is a fellow Canadian who writes on a variety of themes, including food, life, and the occasional walkabout over at The Water's Edge.

Finally, another Canadian (we're everywhere, don't you know?) that I've gotten to like is novelist Tracy Krauss, who writes Christian fiction. She can be found at Tracy Krauss Expression Express, where she blogs about writing, reading, themes, and life in general.

And there we have it. Check these blogs out and say hello!

With that, on with the business at hand....

It happens every once in awhile to all of us. That night where sleep doesn't come easily, if at all. There are any number of reasons why you're not sleeping. Perhaps you're deliberately doing so, because you have an exam in constitutional law (anything but that!) in the morning and you haven't even started studying. In which case, why on earth are you on the internet reading this blog?

Other times, however, you don't have a choice in the matter. You'd like to get to sleep, but it's just not happening. The reasons can be many. Some nights you're sick, and that keeps you up. At other times you're feeling emotionally down, and sleep evades you. Believe me, I know.

Perhaps it's a guilty conscience. Perhaps you're a puddy tat who just ate a tweety bird, and a disembodied British voice is tormenting you with the full magnitude of your crime. This has you pacing back and forth, thinking that every siren you hear means they're coming for you...

Yes, obviously I've seen my share of those cartoons. I was always rooting for Sylvester, but that's just me.

Then again, maybe the reason you're still awake, staring at that clock near your bed, wondering why you can't nod off, has to do with noise. Perhaps, for example, a squirrel or two have decided to move into the walls of your home and persist in running about at three in the morning, making noise, chattering away, even putting on the coffee and having friends over.

Well, you might as well give it up. So you get up out of bed, head out to the living room, turn on the television, and see what's on. Maybe something suitably boring will do the trick and make you nod off. If not, a profoundly boring book might also be ideal for your purposes.

The most boring book I've ever had to read. I quit after two chapters.

So you've settled in downstairs, found the remote, switched on the television. What might you find? Well, I'll tell you, because of late I've experienced this. You see, the squirrels have taken up winter residence in the walls of my place, and seem to take the greatest delight in making lots of noise. That sort of thing gets really annoying at three or four in the morning.

So I've found myself coming downstairs, turning on a television, seeing what's going on at that time of night. It turns out... not a lot. Here are just a few samples of late late late night programming.

Infomercials. Lots and lots of infomercials, paid ads, and the lot. Soap opera actresses hawking skin cream. A guy who sells seemingly everything, including spray paint that's supposed to cover bald spots (yeah, right). Gym membership infomercials. And oddly enough, infomercials for adults only chat lines, dating service, and what can best be described as "adult entertainment novelties." With demonstrations of said novelties. Yes, vibrators getting shown off at four in the morning.

There are newscasts on the American local channels. At four in the morning. Honestly, who's watching the news that early in the morning? Is this a taped rebroadcast of the late news? Or are these anchors being punished by the station for running over the owner's foot by being exiled to the four A.M. live show?

Perhaps you'll find yourself drawn to one of the movie channels. If you're lucky, you'll find a gem. If you're not, you'll find yourself watching a Three Stooges short (I never did get the Stooges). And if you're very unlucky, you might find yourself watching a Republic serial from sixty years ago about a woman pulling a Zorro, disguising herself in black, riding on a horse out of a hidden cave behind a waterfall, and chasing bandits on a runaway wagon that goes off a cliff (incidentally, if anyone could identify just what that is, I'd appreciate it... I only saw the end of it, and no cast list after the cliffhanger ending.... damn you, serial cliffhangers!).

You might be a sports nut. Well, there might be a taped rebroadcast of a game on at that hour of the night, but odds are, you'll be finding yourself watching something pointless, like golf, or cricket... or poker. Honestly, people, poker's a game at a table! It's not a sport! Why does this sort of thing turn up on a sports channel?

As you're channel surfing, you might end up coming across a well coiffed sanctimonious "evangelist" doing his Revelations-filtered take on the weekly news, interpreting everything as a sign of the end times, and quoting scripture from memory, while his plastic surgery preserved wife and co-host repeatedly says, "that's right!" You might find yourself puzzled as to why the Sanctimonious One starts telling a story that insults the Presbyterian denomination. I was certainly puzzled. I imagine he doesn't get many donations lining his pockets from Presbyterians, so that makes them a fair target.

Maybe you have satellite television. In which case you'll have countless music channels. Somewhere among the classical music channels, there'll be something playing Brahm's Lullabye. That could send you right off to dreamland.

Assuming the squirrels haven't come downstairs and are now taking the party to the wall directly behind you.