A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the point of view of one of the highest beings walking the planet. Give her all the due respect and adulation she deserves, for she is a cat, and we are all lowly life forms in her eyes.

7:04 AM. Waking up. Slept reasonably well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip at my disposal.

7:06 AM. A look outside from the back of the couch. Flying lunches around the feeders. Lots of snow. Weeks away from even the hint of catnip out there. 

Those who believe in the prognostication abilities of groundhogs are idiots.

7:09 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, I lack the ability to open fridges and cupboards, and waiting on me is her purpose in life anyway.

7:12 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, you know. I would remind you that you have that work place to go to today, but first you have to see to my breakfast. Now then, staff, let's get to it, shall we?

7:14 AM. Reminding the staff that I do not want field rations. Milk and a plate of meat will do just fine, staff. Ideally you should be down here a half hour earlier and putting that plate into the fridge for the optimum enjoyment level of my breakfast, but you never seem to take that hint.

7:16 AM. The staff sets down my breakfast. The plate of tuna and bowl of milk of course meet with my approval. The bowl of field rations do not.

I sigh and set to work on my breakfast. I shall ignore the field rations and one of these days she might take the hint.

7:18 AM. Finished with my breakfast. Leaving the staff to finish hers. 

7:31 AM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking coming from that foul hound that lives down the road. 

7:40 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to work. I remind her not to forget to pick up some milk on the way home.

7:42 AM. Watching the staff's car depart. Very well then. What shall I spend my day doing? In between naps?

8:00 AM. The Weather Channel is on. They're talking about a winter storm they're calling Snowpocalypse Now coming up over the next four days.

Can't we all just treat a blizzard for what it is instead of assigning it evil names?

8:10 AM. Up on a windowsill looking into the back yard. Is that movement out at the treeline?

8:11 AM. Oh, this is unacceptable. It's that idiot dog. In my yard.

8:12 AM. The moron has finally noticed me. I'm hissing and howling and demanding he depart at once.

8:13 AM. Expressing my hostilities in the most direct way. The dog is staring at me in that perpetually confused way he stares at everything and everyone. 

I hate dogs!

8:14 AM. The dog finally leaves. 

Good riddance!

8:16 AM. Keeping an eye on the treeline in case that idiot dog decides to double back and annoy me again.

8:29 AM. It's going to take me all morning to feel less agitated. That dog is more annoying than a little brother if you ask me, and you are asking me.

I need a nap.

10:55 AM. Waking up from my nap. Feeling considerably better.

11:03 AM. Finished a reconnaissance from the windows of the exterior grounds. No fresh tracks in the snow outside, so that dumb mutt didn't come back.

I'm sure he's back home laughing his butt off.

11:12 AM. Feeling a bit peckish. Coming into the kitchen for some lunch.

Oh, wait. There's only field rations left.

11:15 AM. After much reluctance, I help myself to some of those field rations. 

5:38 PM. The staff arrives at home, toting some grocery bags. It's about time, staff. Were you aware the forecasters are calling an impending blizzard Snowpocalypse Now?

6:28 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's made pancakes with bacon. This meets with my approval. She's even cut up a plate into nice bite sized pieces for me. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

8:20 PM. Lying by the fireplace, warming my belly. Pondering the mysteries of life. Is the configuration of the universe one big ball of string?

11:22 PM. The staff is off to bed. Snow falling outside. Snowpocalyse Now has begun. Honestly, it's just a hundred centimetres forecast, not the end of the world.

Good night, staff. Just so you know, odds are you'll be snowed in tomorrow. And for the rest of the week.

Which gives you plenty of time to spoil me rotten.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, I commence with the perspective of the hound, since he gets so easily distracted by literally everything in existence.

7:08 AM. Waking up at home. Taking a big stretch. Slept very well indeed. Had dreams of chasing that rotten squirrel and finally catching it. 

7:10 AM. A look outside. Well, the days are getting longer but it still looks cold out there. Rumour has it spring's supposed to start later this month, but you wouldn't know it looking out there right now. Lots of snow. Which is fun to roll around in, mind you. As much fun as rolling around in mud.

7:11 AM. No sign of that evil squirrel around the bird feeders. Doesn't mean he won't be around later. I've got to be on my guard in case he does. That squirrel is almost as evil as mailmen. Of course, the mailman is only here once a day, and not on the weekends. Squirrels show up whenever they please, so they're much more obnoxious.

7:13 AM. Okay then, plans for the day. Got to get out there and have a good run. But first things first. Breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day, and my favourite. In a four way tie with lunch, dinner, and snacks. But the point here is, and I do have a point... I need breakfast. And for that I need my human to come downstairs.

7:19 AM. The human comes downstairs. I start furiously thumping my tail as a means of greetings. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn't it?

7:21 AM. The human is making my breakfast.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:22 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off a big bowl of kibbles.

Just three seconds short of my all-time fastest time eating breakfast.

7:25 AM. Inquiring with the human as to if she'll let me out. I do have things to sniff, places to be, and critters to bark at, after all.

7:27 AM. The human lets me out the door and I break out into a run. 

See you later, human!

7:34 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Life is good.

7:45 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:46 AM. After the customary doggie greetings, Spike and I begin to discuss matters of the greatest importance to dogs. The movements of squirrels. Time until spring and when other critters stop hibernating. Best ambush tactics to be used on mailmen.

7:53 AM. Spike says he'll advise me as to when the mailman passes by his place later on, what with him being earlier in the route. Of course that's assuming he's outside. Well, as long as at least one of us gives him a good barking.

7:58 AM. Parting ways with Spike. See you later!

8:10 AM. Passing by the property of that cranky cat. I wonder if she's around.

8:12 AM. Wandering around the property. Glancing at the house. I can see some movement at one of those windows.

8:13 AM. And confirming now...yes, it's the cranky cat. You know, I get the impression she doesn't like me. I don't know why, I'm a very good dog.

All I've ever done is occasionally bark at her while she's having a sound sleep, and she takes it personally.

8:14 AM. And now she's giving me the finger and saying all sorts of other unpleasant things.

Oh well, be that way.

8:16 AM. Back into the woods and out of sight. I will never understand cats.

8:27 AM. Barking at the back door for the human to let me back in.

It is I! Loki! Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Mailmen.

8:28 AM. The human intercepts me from getting in and gives me a brisk treatment with the Towel of Torment before admitting me in. Human, I don't understand this. I'm perfectly capable of drying off by the fireplace.

There is no such thing as wet dog smell.

8:30 AM. Settling down in the living room by the fireplace. Circling around three times before settling down. Because two times is too few, and four times is too many.

10:45 AM. The human is having coffee. I am mooching an oatmeal cookie from her with my patented sad dog eyes trick.

12:31 PM. The human is having lunch. She's provided me with a ham and cheese sandwich. Life is good.

6:36 PM. Dinner with the human. She's given me a plate of stewing beef. It meets with my approval. For whatever reason she likes having Brussel sprouts with hers.

11:28 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. Don't worry about anything. You've got me as a fierce guard dog, and I'll bark at the slightest hint of an intruder. 

In between naps.