It is time once more for the perspective of the cat...
7:07 AM. Waking up at home. Slept
exceptionally well. Dreamed of endless amounts of catnip.
7:10 AM. I am making an examination of my
domain from the windowsill. Dawn is getting later and later by the day. Fall
has come, and winter won’t be far behind that. The flying lunches are starting
their journey south. At least those who do. Some of them stay around all
winter, and for whatever reason, my staff seems to like to feed them.
7:14 AM. Pacing around on the living room
floor. I am fully aware that this is the weekend and all, but I expect my staff
to see to my breakfast post haste. After all, it’s been a full twelve hours
since my last morsel of food, and I’m famished.
7:16 AM. Sounds from upstairs. Good, the
staff is up and about. Breakfast shall be forthcoming.
7:22 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Well
then, staff, good morning and hello. I have been expecting breakfast for some
time, you know. The full fifteen minutes I have been awake. Now then, I’ve
explained this to you many times, but I would prefer my breakfast on a slightly
chilled plate, so would it have been such a bother for you to get up a half
hour ago and put one in the fridge?
7:23 AM. Following the staff into the
kitchen. Explaining my breakfast needs. And the milk should be set to the left
of the plate for easy access. Oh, and would it kill you to not set down a bowl
of field rations already? You know I don’t like them.
7:25 AM. The staff puts down my breakfast.
A plate of chicken and a bowl of milk meet with my approval. For whatever
reason she persists in putting down a bowl of field rations too. I dig into my
breakfast and plan on ignoring the field rations.
7:28 AM. Have finished off the chicken and
milk. Licking my lips. I shall leave the staff in peace.
7:40 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch
staring outside. Distant barking from that irritating
mutt from down the road. Which reminds me, I haven’t settled scores with that
moron from his whole shaking water
and mud onto me thing.
7:42 AM. Inquiring with the staff as to if
she’ll let me out. She obliges.
7:44 AM. Departing from the property and
into the woods. Will start a reconnaissance run to see where that dog might be.
I know from the range of his barks that he gets a lot of running in each
morning. It’s likely that he’ll stop in to see his buddy Spike sooner or later.
I don’t know why he can’t take some advice from Spike, who at least seems to
understand how to behave properly around cats.
7:51 AM. Crossing paths in the woods with
one of the area skunks. I greet him with a degree of caution- you don’t want to
startle a skunk, after all- and we strike up a conversation.
7:53 AM. I speak with the skunk about the annoying hound down the road. He
confirms that he knows the mutt, having had skunked him once some years ago.
Ah, that’s very good. I’ve had a skunk do that to him too, but I know, it takes
a lot out of you to do so, so I won’t ask you to do it this time. Besides,
revenge is best inflicted personally.
8:04 AM. Have arrived at the farm where
that moronic dog lives. Taking up a
position up in a tree near the woods, with enough of a view of the house. I can
stay here a good long while… bide my time, and wait… until it’s time to settle
up some scores.
8:42 AM. I can hear the dog closing in
coming home. Waiting and watching.
8:43 AM. Watching the dog head into his
house. Well, it’s a pleasant enough day, so I imagine he’ll be out again at
some point. And when he does, I’ll wait for my opportunity.
11:31 AM. Feeling rather impatient. Come
on, dog, what’s taking you so long to get back outside?
12:06 PM. Right about time it would be
lunch. If I was at home. But instead of being at home, I’m up in a tree on
surveillance duty waiting for an annoying
hound to come out of the house. Maybe I should just go home.
1:37 PM. The irritating dog is let outside by his human. Instead of running off,
he sits down on the deck… and then lies down. Okay, mutt. Start to get sleepy.
Close your eyes and nap. And when you’re dreaming, that’s when I’ll strike.
2:40 PM. Have crept up the lawn and onto
the porch. The dog is snoring right here before me, totally oblivious. More
oblivious than usual. I raise a paw, unsheathe my claws, and take a swipe at
his snout while hissing like a banshee. He jolts up to his feet.
2:41 PM. I glare at the befuddled mutt and inform him that I
will dispatch a skunk to give him the ultimate skunking if he ever bothers me
again, and ask how it feels to be rudely awakened out of a good sleep. Then I
turn and walk away.
3:04 PM. Returning home, thoroughly pleased with myself. I see that the car
is still in the driveway, so my staff hasn’t done anything like leaving the
house without my express permission. I leap onto a windowsill and meow
insistence that I be let back in. The staff obliges by opening the door and
asking where I’ve been all day. Well, if you must know, I was settling scores
and teaching that vile hound some
manners.
3:06 PM. Having had helped myself to some
of those field rations, with reluctance, I now settle down in the living room
for a well-deserved nap.
6:32 PM. Dinner with the staff. She’s cut
up some lamb into nice bite sized chunks for me. I don’t know why she insists
on having Brussel sprouts with her meat, but then again, human beings can be
very strange.
8:57 PM. Sitting in the living room while
my staff reads. Musing on the great mysteries. Is there such a thing as an
infinite ball of yarn?
11:28 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very
well, staff. Have a good night, sleep well, but keep the door open. After all,
I reserve the right to walk all over you at three in the morning and yell at you
that it’s three in the morning and do you now know what time it is?
Loki did not hurt the cat just shake water and mud on him no swiping of claws on any body part.
ReplyDeleteWhat a bad kitty bad bad bad bad !
Long live Loki !
cheers, parsnip and badger
I'm sympathetic to the cat!
DeleteBoo !
DeleteShe rules!
DeleteGayle, he was a cat in a previous life. In fact, he was the High Priest to the feline goddess Isis (not to be confused with the other Isis).
DeleteThe cat would prefer it if Loki just left her alone. Spike seems to be wise enough to be deferential to a cat and not pester it, but Loki never learns!
DeleteThat is because Loki is love not anger wrapped in a fur coat.
DeleteNot according to the mailman and the vet!
DeleteConspiring with skunks--really? That's risky!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that first kitty.
Not as long as you don't startle the skunk!
DeleteWhat if it is all an Infinite Ball of Yarn?
ReplyDeleteI think it is.
DeleteMy cat used to stalk me and then dive out and wrap both legs around my mine to catch me.
ReplyDeleteCats will do that.
Delete